Posts Tagged With: marriage

They

Posted on December 19, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

Once upon a time, in a high school far far away from here there lived a cute, short, curly-haired Freshman girl who had a friend named Carey. At this same school, with the same friend there was a Senior football player. He was handsome and funny and was extremely muscular. On the first day of school, the girl was nervous at lunch time. “Who will be in my lunch group with me this year?” she wondered, “Who will I sit with?” As she emerged from the lunch line and into the bright lunchroom she immediately spotted her friend Carey, a senior on her dance squad. She rushed over to see if she could sit with her. “Of course!” Carey said, and the girl sat down relieved that there was at least one familiar face in her lunch group. Next, Carey’s other friend, the Senior football player came up and asked if he could sit with Carey too! Seeing as how there was plenty of room and he was her friend too they said “sure”.

Almost every day after that, lunch was spent with these three friends chatting over one thing or another, high school issues, those kinds of things. And the more the girl got to know the boy, the more the girl liked the boy. He was fun to be with, he liked a lot of the same things that she liked. But the best thing of all was how he made her laugh. He had such a strange sense of humor that she just adored about him. After several months of this, Carey and the girl were waiting in the lunch line when the boy walked up behind the girl and covered her eyes with his hands, “Guess who?” he said. Of course she guessed immediately, and he let go of her eyes and stepped into line next to the girls to wait for lunch. That afternoon Carey, their mutual friend, mentioned to each of them that they might make a cute couple. Hmmmmm…. But alas, at the time he was single and she wasn’t, maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

However, it wasn’t long before the girl broke up with the boy that she was seeing and took a bit more interest in the boy. He WAS handsome, very handsome now that she was looking a little closer. And wow! Look at those arms, he MUST lift weights, a lot! But, it was too late for her now too, he was asking another girl out by now. Siiiiiigh……

By this time Christmas was getting nearer and nearer and it was basketball season at the school. The girl was busy preparing for the halftime shows at the games and the boy was busy preparing for wrestling season (Oh, yeah, he wrestles too), and pursuing that other girl. So our girl started focusing less on the boy and more on her dancing, and a little on school too. The time came around for the dance squad gift exchange and the girls all filled out their short wish lists, placed them in a bag and then one by one drew them out to see who they had for the Secret Santa gift exchange. The girl, just as a joke put the boy’s name at the bottom of her wish list, because EVERYONE on the dance squad knew that she liked him and whoever got her list would think it was funny. Little did she know, but her friend Carey had gotten her list! The last few weeks of school went by quickly and the girl quickly forgot about her little “addition” to her list. The night of the last game of the year came around and there was a dance planned for after the game. All the girls from the squad were planning on going together, it was the last dance of the year before Christmas, they HAD to go! The game ended and the girl was in a small storage room next to the band room putting her things away when she looked up to see the boy changing his shirt. She nearly swooned at his rippling muscles! “Ahhhhh,” she sighed, “maybe someday”, as the boy then walked past her to the hallway on his way to somewhere else in the school.

Suddenly Carey came storming into the storage room with her coat. “Why does she have her coat?” the girl thought, “I thought she was staying for the dance.”

“I have another present for you!” Carey said with a giant grin.

“OK” the girl said suspiciously, one eyebrow cocked to the air. They had already done their gift exchange and she had said nothing of more gifts being in store for her, what was going on? Carey flung her coat over the girl’s head and led her in the direction that the boy had just gone. She wanted to say that she had no clue what was going on, but she did have one glimmering hope that it would be the one thing that she expected the least to get from a colorguard gift exchange. As Carey wrangled her into the hallway the rest of the girls in the squad chattered and giggled excitedly in a circle around her as she came to stop in front of two red wrestling shoes on the hallway floor. Carey asked her, “are you ready for your surprise?” “I guess so”, she replied, what DO you say in a moment like that? When Carey pulled the coat off her head the girl raised her eyes from the shoes on the floor to the jean wearing legs that were attached to them, to the familiar black shirt that she had just swooned over moments before, to the absolutely beaming face of that handsome Senior football player she’d had her heart set on for the last few months. The look on his face was PRICELESS to say the least, he was so proud of the fact that she had asked for him for Christmas and that he was able to deliver that gift himself. A trophy date for the dance to be sure! She nearly passed out as ALL the blood in her body seemed to flock instantly to her face! Boy, he sure was cute, and all hers for the night. After months of crossing paths, there they were, both single and staring at each other… with the entire dance squad standing around them watching! They all walked off toward the cafeteria where the dance was being held that night, the boy and the girl still in a bit of a daze as to what to do with themselves. The girl asked the boy, “I thought you liked Katie, what happened?” He said, “she told me ‘no’ because she knew that you liked me”. It looks like things might actually work out for these two.

The next Monday at lunch the girl found herself sitting alone for some reason, I don’t remember why. Until just a few minutes before the lunch bell rang. She was just getting ready to get up and take her tray to the kitchen when the boy came strolling through the lunchroom door headed right for her lonely table. He plopped himself down and said “I’ve got a question for ya”. “OK” she replied, “what’s up?” He tossed his huge class ring across the table at her and said “will you go out with me?” As she sat there watching the ring spin like a top in the middle of the round table, what else could she say but “YES!”? And right there, in that small town school lunch room she and he became “they”. “They’re a couple now”, “they’re dating now”, “they’re an item now”. And they were, and have been for the last SEVENTEEN years, today. I am that girl, my husband is that boy, and he still makes me swoon when he takes his shirt off! Our “they” has increased from just the two of us, to the four of us plus two cats and a tank full of fish. As for everything in between that day and this day? Well, most of that is for another day’s blog, but parts of it can also be found in our book True Intimacy, the story of how our love became cursed through the sin of pre-marital sex and then adultery. And how Jesus redeemed that love and broke the curse, and the details on how you too can have a truly intimate marriage! Jesus can help, He helped us, and He’s more than willing to help you too! Trust me, it’s TOTALLY worth it. I thought that we had lost that high school romance long ago, but we hadn’t lost it, we had just cursed it, pushed it back away from us with our sins. But with God’s help we learned how to change all that, how to get that lovey feeling back, only it was better this time. Because it had depth and meaning and healing in it. Yes, this time our love was rich and real and founded on what it should’ve been founded on it the beginning, JESUS and His grace. I am more desperately in love with my husband today than I ever was seventeen years ago, and this morning as I snuggled up to him in bed I told him just that, and then said “and just think, if I love you this much more now than I did then, how much MORE will I love you seventeen years from today???” And he squeezed me tight in his warm and still very muscular arms and said “I love you” in that way that always makes my heart melt for him.

God has blessed us with something that many couples never get, a second chance at love with the person they fell in love with in the beginning. Through what I can only account as the grace of God, we have stayed together through some really tough stuff, and I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am for it! The love that I feel for this man is so much deeper than anything I’ve ever felt for anyone in my entire life. And honestly, that’s only possible because of the forgiveness and TIME that we have invested into each other. Neither one of us was willing to give up on “us” when I was so very ready to give up on him. During those cursed years of our relationship, which in all honesty was the majority of those seventeen years, we stuck together, many times just for the sake of sticking together. But I can’t tell you how glad I am today that we did stick it out despite those really cursed years. It’s funny how breaking a curse can change things. Happy things happen now, and we’re happy, not so happy things happen now… and we somehow manage to still find happiness, in each other. Nothing is perfect, and we’re just as not-perfect as everyone else, but we’ve found joy in our not-perfect-ness though. 🙂

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Spiritual Stay-cation Day 4: Because Jesus loves YOU

Posted on December 9, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

Well, I had a great talk with my mom last night reassuring her of my newly retrieved peace (thanks to God commanding me to put everything down for a week and let Him carry it instead). I am realizing that I’ve been carrying too much myself, including my old self “Tyra”. I’ve talked about her a couple of times over the past six months of blogging. She seems to pop back up into life occasionally, usually through friends who accidentally call me Tyra still… and then the accidental slip becomes a habit. Or in the case of most of my family members where I haven’t ever really explained to them the whole name change thing. Honestly, it’s not something that’s very easy for most people TO understand. “You changed your name… because God told you to??? O…K…” then they smile and nod and quickly change the subject. Some have even gone so far as to tell me I’m crazy, hence “The Crazy Mom Blog”.

Most people don’t understand going through a life change dramatic enough to warrant a change of name. Yet, really, when I really think about it, it was less that my life changed and more that my view of God changed. My view of myself changed because I was suddenly seeing my life through God’s eyes instead of my own. That changes a person in ways that most people can’t understand, because they’ve never had it happen to them. And I pray for that kind of change for them! Most people can stand to have a personal encounter with God that changes their entire outlook on themselves and the world around them. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out to God on their behalf, praying that they would have a PERSONAL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with Christ even more intimate than mine is. That they would know Him the way Adam “knew” Eve in Genesis 4:1, with a kind of knowing that only husbands and wives share with each other, the kind of knowing that brings about children and fruit and offspring and seeds.

I haven’t always had this intimate of a relationship with Jesus, even though I’ve always been a church attending Christian. But just like sitting in a garage doesn’t make me a car, sitting in churches never made me a Christian. Anyway, there came a time in my life when I started actively seeking God out of a heart of wanting to know Him more. I was going to a Friday morning Bible study at a local church with some friends. I had attended Bible studies before, but it was really more out of a need for fellowship in a place where I knew no one that anything else. In this study, however, I already HAD the fellowship with the people around me and so through that Bible study I started seeking fellowship with the One we were studying. Through studying God’s word I came to know Him more, and the more I knew of Him the more I wanted to know Him. I wanted to experience Him the way Beth Moore was telling us that we could. There was something about the way that she talked about Him, the way she lit up when she said His name. She wasn’t just teaching because it was her calling, she was teaching because she had a true passion for the One she was teaching about. She had something in her that called out to me like a moth to a flame. I wanted that fire in ME, I wanted the passion that she had for what she was talking about. Through her I started to realize that the hunger I’d had my entire life wasn’t for the things I thought it had been for, it was for HIM. It was a hunger for a relationship with HIM! And OH! When I started setting aside my religion for a RELATIONSHIP, *romantic sign…..* I got what I had always been hungering for. And so much more!

Just like a true bride, when she gets married she is thrilled to take her new husband’s name, I too took a new name. You know how most pastor’s will say that they were called into the ministry? Well, although I was not called to be a pastor, I too have been called. And in that calling has come a LOT of changes. God has taken me through some really wild rides and experiences that you do NOT want to know about let alone experience. To prepare me for this calling on my life, I have seen things that most people never see, and most people would never believe. When I laid down my life to follow God’s call, I laid down the name that went along with that life. And I picked up the name that symbolizes this new life within my bones.

But that doesn’t mean that the old name (and everything that goes with it) hasn’t persistently followed me since then! Oh NO! The sentimental and emotional cord that has bound me to Tyra started out quite short and she followed along behind me very closely. And slowly but surely, bit by bit I’ve consistently tried to sever that cord between my old self and my new self. But the only thing my scissors have done is make the cord longer. And every time she follows behind me a bit farther; so that I THINK she’s gone… but then she just comes bounding back up again with those eyes that just plead “You know you really do love me. You really do want to keep me.” And for a while I’ll look into those eyes and think, it’s just a name, does it really matter what these other people call me? What they call me doesn’t define who I really am. But allowing them to think that I am still that person, by allowing them to still call me that dead person’s name, is lying to them. I let it go for the sake of trying to be polite and not correct people, but the truth is, that’s just not who I am anymore and I need to be honest with myself and them.

In first Chronicles chapter four verses nine through ten we read about a man named Jabez. Now some of you may be familiar with his story, hidden within a huge list of names, but for those who are not:

“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying ‘I gave birth to him in pain.’ Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request.”

Now “Jabez” sounds like the Hebrew word for “pain”. His name means pain. His mother called him “pain” his entire life as a reminder that she gave birth to him in pain. There is power in a name because the name of something defines it. When I say “basket ball” you don’t just think about the ball that get’s thrown into baskets, you think about the ball, the sport, the court, the players, the fun, the cheers, everything that is related to basket ball is defined in those two small words – its name. The definition of Jabez’s life to that point, was pain. When he cried out to the One who can do all things, he asked (of all things) to be free from the one thing that had plagued him for his entire life, pain!

How many of us have had pain plague us throughout our entire lives??? You know, there are two different kinds of pain, physical and spiritual. I personally have experienced both and between the two I can say hands down that Spiritual pain is the worst! Because spiritual pain is a pain that doesn’t go away when you rub it, there’s no pill that you can pop to make spiritual pain go away. When your body is in pain there is a multitude of ways that humanity has come up with to ease that pain… but when your spirit is hurting there’s only one cure. Jesus. Sure, we’ve come up with lots of ways to attempt to substitute some other forms of spiritual cures, from booze, to food, to sex, to violence, but when we really get right down to it, they’re all just substitutes. Like aspartame is a substitute for real sugar, that tastes nothing like real sugar and has horrible side effects, so do these substitutes. They’re nothing like the real thing and they leave behind them horrible side effects and after tastes. Jesus is the One and only true healer of ALL pain, in all of its forms and functions. Jesus is the only one that has the ability to free us from the pain that plagues our souls day in and day out. And when we cry out to Him He can and does free us from that pain. No, the physical pain may or may not leave, but the spiritual pain ALWAYS does.

One hundred percent of our spiritual pain comes from sin. And it may not even be sins that we ourselves committed, it may have been the sins that our ancestor’s committed, or our relatives, or even our neighbors or friends! Our society stresses individuality and the Enemy likes to try to get us to think that our actions only effect us, but nothing could be farther from the truth! Our actions, good or evil, create waves in the air around us. They change our own reactions and the reactions of the people around us, which changes the reactions of the people around them. Nothing that we do, stands alone. Nothing that we do DOESN’T leave a point of impact or change something in the environment around us. Nothing.

I know that my own sins have caused me pain and the pain that I experienced changed me… but it has also changed the people around me too. Through my healing from that pain, came my greatest transformation. A new birth, a new name, a new career, a new lifestyle, pretty much a new everything! From my pain I’ve written a whole book on the sins of my past and how I was transformed from that pain they brought about. An excruciating pain deep in my soul that I couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around or ease with my finger, and yet it throbbed in my heart all the same. Outwardly I looked fine, but inwardly I wasn’t. I couldn’t ever define HOW I was in pain, or where it was really coming from. Until I started earnestly crying out for God to fix the thing that was wrong, whatever it was it was causing me pain and a lot of it! I wanted it gone! And God granted my request. It wasn’t at all the way I thought He would grant it, and yet it was exactly the way it needed to be.

That pain I used to experience, I see it in the eyes of the people I interact with day in and day out. I recognize that pain, because I’ve lived that pain. Oh! For so long I lived in that excruciating un-named pain… and I’ve been freed from it. God gave me a new name because He freed me from the pain that was attached to the old name. “Tyra”, while a perfectly good name, defines that time in my life filled with the pain of past sins plaguing me and tying me up from the blessings God was trying to pour out over me. Tyra, like an umbrella, was blocking God’s blessings and favor from reaching all the way down to me and causing them to flow to the sides of me instead. Tyra was a beautiful person, she loved others, she loved God, but she turned herself into an idol and got in her own way. Tyra made a HUGE mistake and suffered for it for 13 years. But she didn’t suffer alone, she brought her friends and her family and her boyfriend and then her husband in on the pain as well. Misery loves company and so did Tyra. Tyra is a slave. A slave to sin, and pride, and fear. She’s a slave to lust and gluttony and adultery. Sure, Tyra did a lot of really good things too, but all of them were done through the filter of sin and slavery.

When Tyra cried out to God for help, that He would bless her, enlarge her territory, that His hand would be upon her, keep her from harm so that she would be free from pain, He didn’t just grant her request, He leapt for joy. Simply at the fact that she had finally asked HIM. God was so happy that day, that after years of being in pain and searching for answers she had FINALLY come to the ONE WHO COULD GIVE HER THE ANSWERS AND THE HEALING TOO! When she cried out to God that He would bless her, He did so much more than simply bless her, He has consistently enlarged her territory (to the point that it is starting to make her uncomfortable – not that that’s a bad thing!) He has kept His hand upon her, directing her steps and making them more and more sure every day. He has most definitely kept her from more harm that even she could ever imagine!!!!! But the best part of all, He has freed her from the pain. And to signify that freedom from pain He blessed her with a new name. Tamar. A name that symbolizes strength in adversity, fruit in the wilderness, love for the unloved, water for the thirsty and food for the hungry. Tamar symbolizes light for those in darkness, hope for those in desperation, Tamar is a bride of Christ.

I am Tamar, who are you? What does your name mean to you? How does it define you? Is it holding you back? Or is it pushing you forward toward Christ?

Just like Saul, Tyra lived her religion most days of her life, until she came face to face with the One her religion was named after. Have you come face to face with the One your religion was named after? Many people today claim Christianity and yet know very little about what it really means to be a Christian. The every day practices of a Christian vary depending on what denomination you talk to, but the core, the center, the HEART of Christianity has very little to do with religion. It’s ALL about RELATIONSHIP. It’s about having one, with THE ONE. 🙂 Tyra lived her religion, Tamar lives her relationship. Don’t just go through the motions of religion, live them. Don’t pray for the sake of praying, pray because you want to carry on a conversation with the One who heals; because Jesus loves you. Don’t go to church because it’s something Christians do, go to church because He’s told us not to forsake gathering together with fellow believers; because Jesus loves you. Don’t get involved in volunteering because it’s the right thing to do, do it because He’s asked us to be His hands and feet; because Jesus loves you. Jesus loves YOU. Jesus came and fought religion because He doesn’t want empty rituals and empty sacrifices, He wants a marriage relationship with YOU. If that relationship involves a ritual or two, and what relationship doesn’t, then that’s OK. But it’s not the ritual that He wants, it’s not the ritual that He loves, He loves YOU!

Most parents go through a bed time ritual with their children. Usually because the routine of it bring the child comfort in its predictability, it helps the child know what time it is and prepares them for sleep, and they’re fun. As the parent, you don’t go through the ritual just to do the ritual, you go through it for your child’s benefit. There are parts of it that you enjoy and benefit from, but you do it for their sake, not wholly your own. God is the same way. He’s given us rituals to follow to bring us comfort in their predictability, especially when life is so unpredictable! He’s given us rituals to help us know and remember what time it is and to prepare us for what is coming next. But it’s not the rituals that He loves, it’s not the customs we have or the words that we say that He loves, it’s us. The rituals and customs and rules are supposed to REMIND us of Him and His unending love for us. And it’s easy to get so caught up in these things that we forget to look to whom they are pointing. They’re supposed to be pointing us to a relationship with Jesus, to an ever new level of intimacy with Him until we finally get to go home and know Him as we are known. That is what a relationship with Him is about, constantly getting to know Him better. That’s what any relationship is about! You don’t stop getting to know your husband the day you get married, that’s the day you REALLY start to get to know him!

I challenge you today to be thoughtful in what way you can get to know Jesus better; today and every day here after. He is desperate for you, are you desperate for Him? If not, ask Him why you aren’t and start seeking ways to become desperate for Him; hungry for His presence His touch in your life. It’s like a drug that isn’t illegal and shouldn’t ever be, are you addicted to Him? Do you wanna be? I’ve got some you can try, it’s the really good stuff, the kind that you NEVER come down off of either. Because He promises to NEVER leave you or forsake you, not ever; because Jesus loves you.

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Trust the Truth

Posted on November 26, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

Some people like to think that Jesus was just a good teacher, maybe even a prophet, but not God or the Messiah. There’s a problem with that thought process though, the things that He taught and claimed about Himself weren’t on that same level. He was either absolutely and completely insane or He was Satan himself or He was actually telling the truth and is who He actually says He is. In fact many people accused Him of being demonic (in Matthew 12:22-37) but their accusations were silenced when he pointed out the error in their thinking. If Jesus is demonic then He wouldn’t be commanding the demons OUT of people but rather IN to them!

In Mark’s retelling of this same story of the teachers of the law thinking Jesus was “possessed by Beelzebub! By the prince of demons He is driving out demons.” (3:22) Mark includes a little “behind the scenes” info for us. Before this fateful conversation with the teachers of the law, Jesus’ family came to “take charge of Him, for they said, He is out of His mind.'” (Mark 3:21) Again in John 10:20-21 “many of them said, ‘He is demon-possessed and raving mad. Why listen to Him?’ But others said, ‘These are not the sayings of a man possessed by a demon. Can a demon open the eyes of the blind?”

Would a demon open the eyes of the blind? I don’t think so. Considering that the goal of Satan is to keep as many people as possible spiritually blind, wandering around in complete and total darkness, unable to find God, it makes VERY little sense that Satan would even CONSIDER opening those closed minds and eyes. And since that is the most obvious conclusion I feel it is fairly safe to assume that Jesus was neither insane nor demonic which leaves but one logical conclusion, He is completely sane, telling and teaching the truth and therefore is who He claims to be! Sometimes the truth sounds the most insane because it is the truth. So seldom do we encounter pure unadulterated truth that it automatically resounds in our brains as a foreign invader and thusly insane because it is simply that radically different. Just like when someone donates a kidney to a friend. Even if they’re a perfect match the friend still has to take anti-rejection drugs to keep her body from rejecting the gift she has been given, we too need to take our own anti-rejection medicine in order to accept and keep God’s gift of salvation.

TRUST. Sometimes you just have to trust, even when nothing around you makes sense. Maybe none of it is making sense because it’s really the truth that has been injected into an environment that is simply unfamiliar with the truth. New truth, well, new-to-you truth can be hard to accept. But that doesn’t make it any less the truth, it just makes it less yours. You see, we can possess the truth and the Truth can possess us. Or a falsehood can possess us, as we continue to hold onto it because of its familiarity. But just because it’s our belief that we’re holding onto doesn’t make it any less false, it just makes it ours.

When we encounter a treasure in our path, if our hands are full of trash we’re unable to pick up the treasure. We come to a moment of decision 1) keep the trash and leave the treasure or 2) reject the trash and pick up the treasure.

Matthew tells us that “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”(13:44-46)In these two stories we meet two men who discover great treasure and are willing to give up everything they own in order to possess that tremendous treasure. At first glance it seems as though both stories are the same message told in two different manners. However, if you look closely at the grammar and the structure of the like statements you will find a subtle difference. In the first story the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. The kingdom of God and all its wisdom, power and truth are a priceless treasure worth our life-savings to acquire. (And I speak from personal experience and tell you that it is.) But look at the second like-statement in the second story! The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. In this story the kingdom isn’t the treasure, the kingdom is the one searching for the treasure! Now if God is the one searching for the pearl of great value, then what pray-tell, IS the pearl of great value? Now, I want you to think for a moment, what is the one thing in all of creation that God the Creator does not already possess? Keep in mind that He is GOD, EVERYTHING is His. Except, perhaps, for you. You my friend are that pearl of great value. You are the one that Jesus Himself is willing to set EVERYTHING aside for. EVERYTHING. All His power, all His majesty, all His life; He laid it ALL down at the foot of the cross like trash to pick up the treasure – YOU.

Don’t let the falsehood keep it’s hold on you any longer. Let go of the belief that Jesus was less than what He said He was, that He can’t do everything that He says He can. Because He is, He can and He will… but never without your permission. He is a gentleman after all.

So, how can we apply all this information to our marriages? By remembering that WE are a pearl of great value, worth selling everything else for. If you need help remembering, buy yourself some pearl jewelry and wear it! Then every time life throws you a dirty look, a sneer or snide remark you can look at your pearl – or touch them on your neck and say to yourself “I am worth dying for.” Then just smile back and say “God bless you!” as if they had only sneezed at you and nothing more.

When we place our trust and value in the hands of God it’s out of reach of the things of this world. They can’t touch them. If you feel like your husband isn’t valuing you like the pearl of great value – it doesn’t matter, because your worth doesn’t lie in his hands, but in God’s. However, you can’t just lie down and let your husband walk all over you like a door mat either. Stand up for yourself in prayer. Tell God how your husband is treating you and how you feel about it. Remember, it is not your job or place to change your husband, only God can change hearts. But it IS your job to PRAY FOR HIM!

So often we don’t feel like we’re doing anything when we pray. But nothing could be farther from the truth! I believe that if we could catch just a glimpse of what our prayers activate in the unseen spiritual realm we would never get up off our knees! Why else was that the one thing that ALL the gospel writers mentioned in their letters? If they went without food or water or clothes, or if they were in jail or shipwrecked they could manage, but go without being covered in the prayers of others? NEVER! Prayer IS doing something, it’s doing MORE than you could even imagine. Never stop praying for your husband, not ever!

When Jesus walked this dirtball, He was constantly under pressure and ridicule; even His family thought He was crazy at one point. They failed to believe in Him, failed to believe that He was telling the truth, failed to remember who the angel told them – before His birth – who He would be! Take a moment to do a mental inventory, have you been believing in your husband? Or have you joined in on the ridiculing and doubt? As his wife he needs for you to be his “safe person”. The one who he can always trust to be in his corner when things get rough and the Enemy starts to attack. He needs to know that no matter what is happening in his life you WILL be there to cheer him on and help him up. Can your husband count on you to be that person? Is he that person for you? He should be.

Do you doubt your husband’s ability to perform any of these tasks? Take those doubts to the cross. Ask God to take care of them, His ear is not too dull to hear nor is His arm to short to save. He is MORE than able to help you and your husband achieve greatness in your marriage. God is able to do abundantly more than all you can ask or imagine! So start imagining and asking for that great marriage you dream of, and then let God work His miracles. He is able and He is willing, you need only to ask, believe and then wait patiently on the LORD.

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Show and Tell

Posted on November 15, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

There is no life, no deed, no word so small that it doesn’t leave an imprint on the world around it.
There is no miscarried or aborted baby that doesn’t leave behind a trail of its existence. There is no smile that doesn’t leave a trace on the heart that it smiled to (or from). There is no word spoken in condemnation that doesn’t rip through the souls of the people who heard it. There is nothing so small that it doesn’t leave behind it a point of impact.
There is a song I used to sing in Sunday School when I was growing up that conveys a poignant message we all need to heed. “Oh be careful little eyes what you see, oh be careful little eyes what you see, for the Father up above is looking down with love oh be careful little eyes what you see. Oh be careful little ears what you hear… Oh be careful little hands what you do… Oh be careful little lips what you say… Oh be careful little feet where you go… For the Father up above is looking down with love of be careful little ________ what you do.”
Every action in this world has a reaction, every pebble, no matter how small, leaves ripples in the pond that last far longer than the impact of that single pebble. EVERYTHING you do makes a difference, it’s up to you what KIND of a difference you’re making. br
Picking up the paper towels that someone left on the floor on the public restroom may not seem like a big deal, but it is, especially to the person who has to come in and clean those restrooms! (I’ve been that person before, it’s not a fun job.) Letting that one sarcastic or disproving sound escape you’re lips instead of keeping your mouth clamped shut leaves a scar.
Sometimes we leave bigger impacts than we expect. We’re big fans of Mythbusters at the Knochel house. Once, when they were testing a myth on knocking socks off, they prepared an explosion to see if they could knock the socks off some mannequin legs. The explosion was…. a bit larger than they expected. The shock wave that spread across the ground was amazing to watch in the video. The wave of that explosion went all the way over to the neighboring town, shaking walls, setting off car alarms, and knocking dishes off shelves, it was huge! Men, set off an explosion in your marriage today, send out a shock wave that will shake the town, SHOW you’re wife how much you love her. Vacuuming the living room when your wife asks you to, without complaining and groaning, HUGE IMPACT! (That one is certain to earn you some big man points in her book.) Taking the time to place your hand on the small of her back as you pass by her in the kitchen while she’s making dinner, KABOOM. Bring her flowers or even a chocolate bar from the gas station, HELLO, was that a dish dropping to floor in shock as you walk in the door?
Women, you can do this too, COMPLEMENT your husband. SHAZAM! Say thank you to him when he does what you asked him to do, even if it took him all night to do it. Men feed on praise, FEED THE BOY! Show and tell each other how much you love one another, it will have a HUGE explosive impact, one that reaches much father than just the walls of your house.
“But wisdom is proved right by her actions.” Matthew 11:19b
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please the sinful nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Galatians 6:7-10
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

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Day 25: Intoxicating

Posted on June 11, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh along with my balsam.  I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.  Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers. Song of Solomon 5:1

Nine days left, you’re almost there!  So many things have happened in the last 20 days haven’t they?  God works that way; I love how He manages to make everything fit together so that we learn the things that He wants us to learn in the time that He wants us to learn them.  I’m dedicating this chapter to telling you about Intoxicating love.

Although the physical act of sex was what I always thought I truly wanted, it turns out that the physical intimacy of sex was not what I was searching for; in the end it was never enough.  What I had been searching for was spiritual and emotional intimacy with my husband.  While sex is important and healthy and necessary, it’s only a portion of the picture of marriage.  When we have sex our bodies’ physical need is fulfilled, and with sex our souls and emotions are completely tied into the act of intercourse as well.  But, it’s possible to have physically satisfying intercourse; all while leaving our souls wanting more.  If you’re only having intercourse it can be physically satisfying for you, and your emotions will go along with it, for a time; but after a while you just feel emptier inside, instead of fulfilled.  There’s a look in Christian’s eye that I cherish.  It’s a look of complete adoration and love for me; a look that in an instant tells me how lucky he feels that I’m his wife.  In that instant, I’m emotionally, physically and spiritually connected with him.

So often in our lives we settle for “good” when we could have the “BEST”.  We settle for the “good” sex of the moment, pre-marital sex, self-pleasuring and adultery, instead of continuing to strive for the BEST sex of monogamy; where we can fully and completely give ourselves to one another without the fear of loss or rejection.  I know that’s what Christian and I did.  Instead of waiting for the “ocean” of married sex, we settled for the “pond” of premarital sex.  It wasn’t until we went through this fast, invited God into the marriage and our bedroom, that we experienced intoxicating sex and true intimacy for the first time.  And MY OH MY!  We will NEVER go back!!!  Now prepare yourselves, this next part is a little “R-rated”.  But it’s OK, because God is in it too.

One night while “getting intoxicated” with my Beloved, in that moment of near climax I was marveling at how perfectly his body was… ummm… shall we say… fitting, with mine when I loudly thanked God for creating him for me to enjoy in this way.  God proudly whispered in my ear, “Isn’t he just perfect”.  It was more than I could bear, because he is!  God created my husband just for me.  He created him to balance me perfectly in every possible way.  He created him to chemically and electrically balance me, perfectly.  He created him in a way where our personalities balance each other, perfectly.  Christian is my other half.  And although I’ve had my moments of doubt and frustration with him, the fact still remains.  God made him for me and me for him.  My beloved is mine and I am his.  (Song of Solomon 2:16a)

How can I doubt God’s judgment in putting us together?  He is God after all.  Your husband is the opposite of you in many ways and that can get annoying occasionally but, cherish it because it’s those differences that create the perfect balance between the two of you.  He’s your other half, together you create a whole.

Christian’s comments:

Wow! Is it getting hot in here? Whew!  That pond looked good when we jumped in it. It felt pretty good to swim in too. For a while that is. But there was always something that didn’t seem right. I think about the first time that Tamar and I had sex. It really wasn’t that good. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Let me tell ya though, the first time we made love after our fast it was AMAZING! I would like to imagine that it would have felt like that on our wedding night if we had waited.  I encourage you to hold on and fast for a little while longer. Trust me, it will be worth it.

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Day 21: Threesome

Posted on June 7, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

O Magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together. Psalm 34:3

Contrary to what Hollywood is telling us, the Best most intimate sex is not only about the physical connection between two people; it’s a spiritual and emotional connection as well.  Sex connects your souls creating a bond that grows deeper and stronger and better the older that it gets.  Once you have protected yourselves, by taking away the option of divorce, you are free to bare your souls more fully with one another.  By sharing yourselves completely you are only then able to truly make the soul connection that we as human beings were created to have with our spouses.

Two heads are better than one.  As a couple you can do more, be more, love more, and help more; you literally complete each other.  You can lean on each other when you get tired, cheer each other up when you get sad, tend to each other when you get sick, warm each other when you get cold, defend each other when you get attacked, and love each other in spite of your differences.  Alone you are left, tired with no one to lean on, sad with no one to cheer you up, sick with no one to nurse you, cold with no one to warm you, attacked with no one to defend you. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says:

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.  Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?  And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him.  A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”

I think the principles from this scripture are perfectly illustrated by the following story.  There once was a father with two bickering sons.  One day, tired of their constant fighting the father gave each of his sons 2 sticks and first instructed them to attempt to break one of them in half; which they each accomplished with ease.  The father replied, “When you bicker and fight you stand alone and are easily broken.”  He then told them to hand him their 2nd sticks and he bundled them together along with his own stick and tied them with a cord.  He handed his oldest son the bundle and told him to try to break it.  He couldn’t do it.  Looking to his sons he said, “When you set aside your differences and work together you are like this bundle of sticks.  When we are tied together as one united group it’s next to impossible to break.”

In these verses from Ecclesiastes it talks about all the ways that two are better than one, and then at the end the number changes from two, to a cord of three strands.  This is a poetic device to draw attention to something.  It makes the reader ask, what’s the third thing?  A man and woman are better together than being alone.  However, we are not yet made complete until the third element is added.  God completes the cord of three strands.

Marriage was originally created to be threefold; God, a husband and a wife, 3 crucial parts to one cord.  If you take any one of those elements out of the marriage you weaken the entire unit.  Just like the sticks in the story, by themselves they are brittle and easily broken, but tied together with the bonds of love they become strong; an unstoppable force.  When we as a society try to re-define God’s original definition of the threefold picture of marriage we not only weaken those marriages themselves but also the society in which they exist.  Every society is built on the strength of the family unit.  When those units begin to break apart the society breaks apart right along with them.

Now, I’m going to say something that may be slightly shocking to some people, so prepare yourselves.  I am going to propose that you invite God, not just into your marriage, but into your bedroom as well.  I know, the thought of it is a little strange, but when you stop to think about it, He invented sex, He’s seen you naked, so what’s so different about acknowledging the fact that He’s there with you and that He *gasp!* approves of what you’re doing. I could go more into detail on this, but I don’t want to get anyone too excited, we’ve still got 12 more days of fasting after all.  So we’ll talk about this more later, at the end of the book.

Christian’s comments:

A triangle is the strongest shape. Husbands, if you are a gear-head like me, you probably watch auto racing. More specifically, stock car racing. If you have watched as much as I have, there’s no doubt that you have noticed the roll cages inside the racecars. They are made up of a whole bunch of triangles. They are built with the strength of triangles to withstand damage from huge crashes.

I’ve also watched a lot of off-road truck racing. The chassis of the trucks are basically a big triangle; strengthened with smaller triangles built into them. They are built this way to withstand the constant beatings the trucks take during races.

When I build a demolition derby car, I build as many triangles into the safety cage as possible. That way, my car can withstand the constant “attacks” from my “enemies” on the track. (For anyone that doesn’t know what a demolition derby is, imagine bumper cars with real vehicles.)

 

You build a triangle when you have God in your marriage. With the three (God, husband, and wife) working together, your marriage can stand up to any big crashes, beatings, and attacks that come along.

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Day 20: Divorce

Posted on June 6, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

To the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.  1 Corinthians 7:10-11

There are two kinds of marriages, Covenant marriages and Contract marriages.  To dig a little deeper I’d like to compare the two kinds of marriages so that you can see what they both are and possibly determine which kind of marriage you have.

*  A Covenant Marriage is based on love and the law.  It assumes that the relationship is “till death do us part”.  The husband and wife each have a “What’s mine is yours” and “Your interests are my interests” attitude.  A Covenant marriage prepares for a life together because they are no longer two, but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Matthew 19:6

*  A Contract Marriage is motivated by commitment and compulsion.  It prepares for the marriage to fail and each spouse protects what is “theirs”.  In a contract marriage the interests of the other spouse are not taken into account as often as “my interests” are.  Contract marriages prepare for life apart because couples seeking contractual agreements seem to expect that someone or something will separate what God has joined.8

Believe me, Christian and I are living proof of this!  We have always been believers and we got married “till death do us part”, but still… in the back of my head there was always that option of divorce.  And when things started getting difficult after our daughter was born, I blamed the strife on her.  Well, not her really but having a new baby in the house and the stress of all that.  But then after her 1st birthday she couldn’t be the excuse anymore and that’s when I really started questioning what was going on.  Christian started staying away from home more and more, and I started being…well… a word that starts with a “B” that I can’t really say because it’s not polite.  The idea of divorce was becoming more and more appealing to me.  While I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want to continue living the way that we were; distant, cold, unloving.  There came a night where I went to him and told him that I was extremely unhappy and if I wasn’t such a Godly woman I would have divorced him already.  Deep down I didn’t REALLY mean it, but I said it all the same and then it was out there, the D-word.  If I remember correctly, this conversation occurred around day 17 in our own fast.  I was high as a kite flying with God, but down on earth with Christian I was angry, and hurt, and cold, distant, mean and just plain old fed up with him!  The next morning, after our conversation, God took me by the shoulders and shook some sense into me.  He gave me scripture after scripture after scripture about how HE felt about divorce… He doesn’t like it.9

I think that Andrew Trees in his book “Decoding Love” summed up our societies view on marriage so aptly when he talks of how people “engage in slow-motion polygamy by engaging in serial monogamy”.10 While hearing it called “slow-motion polygamy” is somewhat shocking, I heartily agree with him!  It is exactly what we’re doing.  God created humans to mate with ONE person for LIFE, not one person at a time for life.

Joe Beam, a pastor who does marriage seminars, shares his story of his separation and reunion with his wife:

“We got married a second time.  It was just the right thing to do.  We did not love each other, but we learned how to be in love with each other and now she’s my best friend.  I pray every day, Lord, let me die first.  I wanna get old with her and sit on the front porch.  No matter how bad a marriage is you do not want to die alone.  So if there’s something in the way, the Xbox, a job, pornography, get rid of it.  Make each other your focus.  Please, please.  You can do that.”11

I am going to join Mr. Beam in his plea, PLEASE PLEASE, DON’T GIVE UP!  Your marriage may not be perfect, no marriage is, but it’s better than divorce and it’s much better than being alone.  Nothing is impossible with God12, even an impossible marriage.

Christian’s comments:

We all know someone who has gone through “The big D”. With the divorce rate as high as 35.25% in first marriages and 40.5% in second marriages13 how could you not?

I want to give you a little family history. Tamar and I were married for two years before we had our son. All four of his grandparents are still alive, AND still married to their original spouses. When he was born, all eight of his great-grandparents were still alive AND still married to THEIR original spouses as well. Pretty cool, huh.

As you can see, our families are serious about marriage. Are they all perfect marriages? Of course not. But we all work on them to fix whatever problems we encounter. Can all marriages be fixed? I don’t know. I would like to think that they can. The key, I believe, is that both sides have to be willing to work on it. One half can’t just sit back and expect the other to fix it. It took both of you to get married. It will take both of you to stay married.

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Day 11: United

Posted on May 28, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother’s womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.  Psalm 139:13-14

So, what are you made of?  It’s an interesting comment to be sure.  But really, have you ever thought about it?  The nursery rhymes tell us: “Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.”  Then there’s science, the human body is made up of mostly water.  But what does the bible have to say about it?  Psalm 139:13-14 says that God wove us together in our mother’s womb, creating us with His very own hands, it’s just mind-blowing.  God’s hands created each and every one of us.  HE made us.  Just like Adam and Eve God’s hands formed us.  And just like creation He stands back, watches us grow and says “it is good”.

In the Garden of Eden:

“The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.  So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.  The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.  The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:20-24)

As Adam was naming all of the animals he realized that they all had mates and he didn’t.  He noticed that each of them had someone to call their own, and yet he didn’t.  Poor Adam was lonely, he wanted someone just like him; a partner, a mate.  So God lovingly created Eve for him.  But Eve unlike everything else in creation wasn’t spoken into existence or even made from the dust of the Earth like Adam, she was made from Adam’s flesh and bone.  When you think about how we as women were first created, it explains A LOT doesn’t it!  We’re tough and soft all at the same time; we’re made from bone and flesh.  God created us from man’s rib, not his head to be above him, or his feet to be below him, but his rib to be beside him.  And under his arm to be protected by him, close to his heart, to be loved by him.5 God made everything to serve a purpose, but I believe He had a very special purpose in mind when He created women.  We were made in such a different fashion than everything else on the earth, how can we not then BE different from everything else on earth?  While nothing in all of creation could fill the position of Adam’s “helper”, woman could.  Creation wasn’t complete until Eve came along.  It’s like God kept saying “Hmmmm, something’s missing… AHA! That’s it!  Woman!”  Hee hee!  We’re the icing on the creation cake!

In a conversation on this topic, my good friend Kelly commented, “… I’m made of ivory!”  I looked at her questioningly “Ivory?” I said.  “Yup, I’m made from Adam’s bone, polished-white-beautiful-ivory.”  I think Kelly’s got it right!  We are made of ivory.  We may have a few dirty spots on us, some dents and nicks, but under it all, we’re made of polished white beautiful ivory.  And it’s nothing for God to wipe those spots off for us and fill in those dents; all we have to do is ask Him to.  He’s got the best cleaning solution known to man; it fixes everything – Christ’s blood.

Now that we know what we’re made of, let’s look and see why it’s important.  In Mark 10:2-12 Jesus is asked about divorce by:

Some Pharisees [who] came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife.  And He answered and said to them.  “What did Moses command you?”  They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”  But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.  “But from the beginning of creation.  God made them male and female.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.  And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”

In this New Testament section, where Jesus himself is reminding us all that when God started creation He created them MALE and FEMALE, they were different and yet together made one whole.  I took a closer look at the words translated “and the two shall become one flesh”.  In the original Greek this word is “proskollao” which according to Strongs Exhaustive Concordance means “to be glued to, to cleave, to stick to”.  When God created Adam and Eve He never intended them to separate or divorce one another.  Notice how it states the same thing twice, adding emphasis to the fact that what used to be two separate entities, once married and united with sex, become one entity.

In Genesis 2:21 while God is forming Eve: the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. There is another place in Genesis where God causes someone else to fall into a “deep sleep”, and I KNOW that it’s not a coincidence.  In Genesis 15:9-18 God himself cut a blood covenant with Abram.  The procedure, to us is very peculiar, however as covenants go this one is filled with significance.  God instructed Abram to gather an assortment of animals for sacrifice.  Abram took the larger sacrificial animals and cut them each into half, and arranged the halves on the ground with space between them so that they could walk between them – just as the LORD had instructed.  Some birds of prey came and Abram chased them off, then the sun began to set and a deep sleep fell on Abram.  This is where God spoke to him and told him about the covenant He was making with him and his descendants.  When the sun had set God came down in the form of fire and passed between the pieces of the sacrifice; officially cutting a blood covenant with Abram and his heirs.

Now, tell me, when you cut an animal in half do you think there might be a little blood involved in the process?  Of course there was, hence the name “blood covenant”.  This type of promise was sacred to the people making the covenant.  By walking through the bloody animal halves they were promising that if they didn’t hold up their end of the bargain then they too could be cut in half!  This was a serious promise girls!  Are you ready for where this gets REALLY interesting?  When we get married we are also committing to a blood covenant between God, ourselves and our husbands.  When we cut this covenant God is joining the two souls of the bride and groom and making them one soul.  Covenants are NOT meant to be broken, ever.  They are meant to be protected, like when Abram protected the animal halves from the birds of prey.  There will be birds of prey in your life coming to devour your covenant, which is why you need to be vigilant and protect it.  And if these blood covenants are broken, there are deadly consequences involved.  THIS is why marriage is meant to be FOREVER, not just “till someone better comes along or I’m tired of you”.

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