I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh along with my balsam. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers. Song of Solomon 5:1
Nine days left, you’re almost there! So many things have happened in the last 20 days haven’t they? God works that way; I love how He manages to make everything fit together so that we learn the things that He wants us to learn in the time that He wants us to learn them. I’m dedicating this chapter to telling you about Intoxicating love.
Although the physical act of sex was what I always thought I truly wanted, it turns out that the physical intimacy of sex was not what I was searching for; in the end it was never enough. What I had been searching for was spiritual and emotional intimacy with my husband. While sex is important and healthy and necessary, it’s only a portion of the picture of marriage. When we have sex our bodies’ physical need is fulfilled, and with sex our souls and emotions are completely tied into the act of intercourse as well. But, it’s possible to have physically satisfying intercourse; all while leaving our souls wanting more. If you’re only having intercourse it can be physically satisfying for you, and your emotions will go along with it, for a time; but after a while you just feel emptier inside, instead of fulfilled. There’s a look in Christian’s eye that I cherish. It’s a look of complete adoration and love for me; a look that in an instant tells me how lucky he feels that I’m his wife. In that instant, I’m emotionally, physically and spiritually connected with him.
So often in our lives we settle for “good” when we could have the “BEST”. We settle for the “good” sex of the moment, pre-marital sex, self-pleasuring and adultery, instead of continuing to strive for the BEST sex of monogamy; where we can fully and completely give ourselves to one another without the fear of loss or rejection. I know that’s what Christian and I did. Instead of waiting for the “ocean” of married sex, we settled for the “pond” of premarital sex. It wasn’t until we went through this fast, invited God into the marriage and our bedroom, that we experienced intoxicating sex and true intimacy for the first time. And MY OH MY! We will NEVER go back!!! Now prepare yourselves, this next part is a little “R-rated”. But it’s OK, because God is in it too.
One night while “getting intoxicated” with my Beloved, in that moment of near climax I was marveling at how perfectly his body was… ummm… shall we say… fitting, with mine when I loudly thanked God for creating him for me to enjoy in this way. God proudly whispered in my ear, “Isn’t he just perfect”. It was more than I could bear, because he is! God created my husband just for me. He created him to balance me perfectly in every possible way. He created him to chemically and electrically balance me, perfectly. He created him in a way where our personalities balance each other, perfectly. Christian is my other half. And although I’ve had my moments of doubt and frustration with him, the fact still remains. God made him for me and me for him. My beloved is mine and I am his. (Song of Solomon 2:16a)
How can I doubt God’s judgment in putting us together? He is God after all. Your husband is the opposite of you in many ways and that can get annoying occasionally but, cherish it because it’s those differences that create the perfect balance between the two of you. He’s your other half, together you create a whole.
Christian’s comments:
Wow! Is it getting hot in here? Whew! That pond looked good when we jumped in it. It felt pretty good to swim in too. For a while that is. But there was always something that didn’t seem right. I think about the first time that Tamar and I had sex. It really wasn’t that good. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Let me tell ya though, the first time we made love after our fast it was AMAZING! I would like to imagine that it would have felt like that on our wedding night if we had waited. I encourage you to hold on and fast for a little while longer. Trust me, it will be worth it.
Tamar Knochel 