Posts Tagged With: mom

To My Dearest Senior

Posted on January 10, 2021 by Mrs Knochel
My Heart Grew Three Sizes | Compassionate San Antonio

PLEASE, be patient with me. I’m not myself this year, and may not ever be again. This year of your life is one that I’ve looked forward to, and dreaded for your entire life. THIS is what we’ve been working for!

Let me start from the beginning. When I was your age I thought my parents were the most boring, old, outdated, didn’t know anything about my world people there could ever be. They were my parents and I loved them with all my heart, because they loved me. But, I’ll be honest, they weren’t the center of my life. My friends were, and that’s OK because that’s how life works.

Then your father and I met and became best friends and we fell in love and I thought that my heart would burst because of how desperately I loved him. My heart felt like a balloon stretched to the point of nearly bursting, but not quite. You know, where you can flick it and it makes that really great echo-y boing sound. Yeah, that’s where it was. We got married and it was out of that very heart-bursting love that you were created. When I held you in my arms for the first time, that heart that was already stretched so tight full of love for your father, stretched even further – very similar to the Grinch at Christmas, it grew three sizes that day! I never, in my entire life, knew of the kind love that I had for you. My firstborn child, created in love, PART of my ever-growing heart. It was a completely different love than I had for your father or my parents. It was the love of a mother for her child. Fierce … yet very vulnerable.

As you grew, I loved you more and more with each passing day. I changed your diapers, I washed your captivatingly precious pudding covered face after you ate. I did EVERYTHING for you.

MY.

life.

stopped.

the day you came into this world and sucked in air for the first time. I became a completely different person when I met you. I became a mother. The giver of your life, your protector, your confidante, your guardian. I was your everything. The first time you smiled at recognizing my face I thought my heart would stop. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life. Yes, YOU.

I took you to playdates and helped you learn how to socialize, and how to be the good friend that you are today to those people you choose over me every time. My entire goal in life was to help you learn the skills necessary to be a functioning independent adult. And whether you realize it or not, that is still the main goal in my life, even though it’s breaking my heart to see it happen.

I am your mother. I will always BE your mother. I will always be the one who washed your face, and clothed your body and taught you how to be a person that people love. I will always be here loving you. No matter how many times you roll your eyes at me because you think I just don’t understand what you’re going through or how things “really are” out there in the “real world.” I wish you knew just how much I really DO know about it. It would make your head spin, but I don’t tell you that. I just let you keep thinking I’m an old fogey.

I will always be here loving you, no matter how many times you leave me behind to go hang out with your friends. I’m glad you don’t know how much it breaks my heart that you choose them over me. This is the person I raised you to be. Even though it hurts me in the process, it’s what we’ve been working toward. Independence.

I will always be here supporting you, no matter how many underdeveloped prefrontal lobe decisions you make that risk your future. Again, I’m glad you don’t know how much it hurts me to see you fall, but the only way you’re going to learn to get up on your own is if I let you fall so you can pick yourself up. It hurts because you ARE a part of me. You’re my DNA, my heart, my life, my child. You’re the one that I gave everything up for the day you were born and that hasn’t changed. It looks different, but it hasn’t changed.

I will always be here wondering what you’re up to when you leave for college and become the independent adult I spent so much time training you to be. I wish you knew just how PROUD I am of you. But, there’s no way for you to know what that feels like until you do all this yourself and become the father of a senior. You will ALWAYS be my baby. No matter how big, and grown-up, and smart, and successful (or not) you become, I will always be your mother. I will always be proud of you. I will always love you. I will always be here for you, whether you need me to be or not.

It’s been quite the process getting here, but we’re here nonetheless. Senior year. I’m not ready for this. And while I know you think you are, you’re not. BUT we’re here nonetheless! We have one semester left of living in the same house together and sucking the same air. You’re moving away to become that independent man I raised you to be. I am

SO

PROUD

of you and the person, you’ve become. You’re going to do a great job as an independent adult. But so much of me wishes you didn’t have to go. That we weren’t here yet. That we weren’t at the part of the story where you take that three size bigger heart and tear it away when you leave and take the part that you represent with you.

It’s often said that having children is like allowing a part of your heart to walk around and bump into things and get hurt. They’re right, it DOES feel like that and we’re on the verge of this piece of my heart being farther away from me for longer than it has even been in my entire life. My heart feels like it’s being torn apart like roasted chicken for a meal. (Hey I’m a mom that cooks, it’s the best analogy I could come up with!) It’s like the piece of chicken is my heart and someone is taking a fork and tearing it apart bit by bit. While it hurts like the Dickens, it’s OK because this is all part of the process of growing up that we’re both going through. The day you came into my life changed my world forever. And the day that you leave my house (but never my life) will change us both forever. I will be so happy and proud for you as you embark on this most excellent journey we call life. But I will be devastated for me, simply because I will MISS YOU.

You have filled my life with excitement and laughter and joy. Your simple presence in your chair with your phone brings light to my life. I love watching you watch a funny video and laugh out loud at it. I love the smile your father and I exchange when it happens. You’ve made our hearts happy because you are happy. We will miss that – being able to see you laugh over something funny. But more than that, we’re happy that you’ve made it this far. That WE’VE made it this far. We did it! We made it to your senior year! And while it’s been like shredding chicken this whole year, I could not be more proud of the man you have become. You’re going to be just fine out there in this big ole world of ours!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s going to knock you on your butt every chance it gets! That’s what it does. But you’re my child, you’ll survive it and you’ll learn from the fall and you’ll get back up again and face things head on like the independent man we raised you to be.

You’ve got this!

We believe in you.

Love,

Your mom

Categories: Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Beauty

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Mrs Knochel

1 Kings 3:16 – 6:38

Word of the Day: “And the king said, ‘Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other.’ Then the woman whose son was alive said to the king, because her heart yearned for her son, ‘Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means put him to death.’ But the other said, ‘He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him.’ Then the king answered and said, ‘Give the living child to the first woman, and by no means put him to death; she is the mother.'” 1 Kings 3:25-27

The day was dreary and dismal as the rain pelted the roof reminding me that I had to go out. I had to go to the bank, and the water office and the post office, in this… blech! Little did I know what beauty awaited me, in this, the dreary and dismal. I pulled up the collar on my coat, took a deep breath and plunged into the cold wet day; freezing rain is no fun. What happened to the sun? It feels like years since we’ve seen it and played in its warm rays. Summer, are you ever coming back?

I get into the car to see the windshield covered in ice and breathe a prayer, “Lord, please don’t make me go out in that rain any more than I have to. Please let this ice come off with the wipers. Please.” One, two, three, click, YES! “THANK YOU JESUS!” The engine purrs as it pulls out of the muddy driveway and into the slush-filled street, here we go… blech! The song on the radio calls my attention, wasn’t this the song that I had stuck in my head all morning? Interesting Lord. They sing to me, “I know you’re out there, and I know you care, just like an angel watching over me…” and I wonder, really? Sometimes it’s hard to feel like God cares about me when it feels like everything around me is going wrong. Hmmm… maybe the weather just has me in a bad mood, I know God cares…right?

As I pull into the bank parking lot I thank God for the closest parking spot being open, “Thank You Jesus!” Running on my tiptoes so that the back hems of my pants don’t get too wet I yank on the door and sigh, we’re here…again. I was just here yesterday, for the exact same errand, a cashier’s check for the mortgage… But I forgot all the paperwork and didn’t have any amounts, sooooo because it was ten minutes to closing time I had to leave empty handed and come back in this…blech. I walked up to the same teller as yesterday and smiled, “Let’s try this again shall we?” She grinned in recognition. While I was waiting for her to fill out all the appropriate paperwork I got started filling out my check for the water office and putting our return address on the envelope for the post office, might as well make the most of my time while I’m waiting, right? All finished I bid the teller, “Have a good day, and stay dry!” as I breathed deeply in preparation of the blast of cold air that was bound to greet me when I opened the door. It did, it was even stronger than when I had gone in. Leaning my hat into the wind I slid myself back into the driver’s seat of my car, grateful for the break in the wind allowing me to breathe again.

And then it happened, as I rounded the side of the building on my way out of the parking lot I saw it. My shoulders drooped as my photographer’s heart quickened. A frozen fence with fingers of ice dripping down… how much was this picture, this child of my heart, worth to me? My thoughts raced in disagreement, “I have two more places to go before home, I’ll get soaked, AND it’s freezing out there!” But my photographer’s heart would not be denied that perfect “babe” of a picture. So while my skin and brain were ranting, my hands shifted the car into reverse to pull into the nearest parking spot.

Five minutes and completely frozen fingers later, I re-entered the warmth of my dry car, sopping wet coat sticking to the back of the seat. I had it, that one great shot that takes several bad shots to get to; I had it! But what’s more, I had something else. To put a name on it, is difficult. Maybe the more I write the better I can explain it, but I didn’t get into that car with only a great picture, I had something else in tow too. Salvation.

Photography is a therapy for me, there’s something healing in the capturing of beauty in unexpected places. When I left my warm cozy spot on the couch (curled up in a blanket with the dog and my Bible) and ventured out into this dreary mess of a day, I wasn’t expecting to be greeted with beauty. I was going to the bank, and to pay bills! Yet Beauty found me all the same, and she called to me from a frozen fence in the rain. Was I willing to sacrifice the dry safety of my warm car to capture her? Was I willing to put my comfort on the line to take her home with me and share her with all of you? Honestly, not at first! But those desires that God plants in our hearts, they can’t be denied. They can’t be rebuffed forever. What God plants, God tends. Like the good shepherd that He is, He cares for His sheep…even when it doesn’t seem like He is. I know He’s out there, and I know that He cares. He is watching over me, and He’s watching over you.

The delight of taking that one good picture put a smile on my face that lasted all the way through the rest of my rainy day errands and on to home; where I came straight to my computer to look at it again, and it took my breath away.

There really is Beauty in the blech.

 

Categories: 1 Kings, 365 Life, Waiting, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lunch Buddies

Posted on March 15, 2013 by Mrs Knochel

Hee hee hee!!! I am so excited that I get to blog today! I feels like forever that I’ve been able to come on here and talk to you all!!! I have been SOOO busy getting this next Bible Study up and running and ready. There has been so much going on here behind the scenes and I am seriously on pins and needles waiting to unveil it to you! You’re gonna LOVE it! It seriously is all I can do to contain my glee in this moment, deep breath… It won’t be too much longer, I hope.

I can give you this little peek behind the curtain, the new book/Bible Study cover and title:

Waiting front cover only

Ahhhh… there’s nothing like waiting on a Bible Study about waiting right? You know you love me!

Yup, the writing is finished, the proof copy has been sent to the editor, the front cover is done, it’s so close I can almost taste it! I love being able to see the finish line don’t you!

On Fridays I go to the school to have lunch with the kids. Today, as I was walking up to the school I was wondering if Anna would, for the third week in a row, forget that I was coming and bringing her forgotten lunch and get another one before I got there ending up with three lunches for the two of us. And it just made me think of all the times when we forget that our heavenly Father is bringing something into our lives. He’s coming with something big and exciting and we forget so we work on and worry about that very same thing only to see Him coming around the corner with His version of what we’ve been working on… and it’s SO MUCH BETTER than what we did that our version pales in comparison and we just want to hide it behind our backs.

Every time I have walked into the cafeteria carrying a lunch for my daughter that I know she will love and actually eat, and see her walking to the table with a tray filled with food that I know that she will not eat, God has tapped me on the shoulder and said, “you know you do that too right?” Siiiigh…

Why do we worry and sweat over things that He’s got under control? So often we think, “Oh! This and such doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere God must need me to do something about it. Maybe He needs my help…” No. He doesn’t need your help. He needs your TRUST. He needs for you to believe in Him to do what needs to be done that you can’t do. He needs for us to be still, silent, quiet, peaceful, calm, motionless, carefree, and know that HE is God, that He has it all under control and that when it is time for us to DO something He WILL let us know it.

Once upon a time… OK, all the time, I was worrying over my sins, I was worrying over whether or not I was doing the right thing and God stopped me and said, “I am a good Father, if you’re doing something wrong, I will tell you.”

Oh! He IS a good Father! And He DOES tell us when we’re doing something wrong or when we’re doing something right! We just have to be still enough to be able to hear Him!

Oh how I love being on this phase of writing! There’s nothing like being at the end of a season and looking back over the whole thing and seeing how it all unfolded right before your eyes but couldn’t see it until now. My season of “waiting” is over, I know it, I can feel it down to my bones. God is opening my eyes to so many things right now and it’s amazing. Time is rushing by like a freight train and the rush of wind as it passes is taking my breath away. All I can do right now is laugh. Laugh at God’s sense of humor and irony. Laugh at how perfectly it has all fit together. Laugh at how wonderful He really truly is, and know that I’ve only BARELY scratched the surface.

God’s got my back. I don’t have to worry or fear the future, because I know the One who holds it in the palm of His eternally merciful hand and He loves me enough to die for me. I am so blessed to know this God whose word always proves true. This God who proves His faithfulness to His people in so many abundant ways. This God who fills the earth with so many colors of His love that there is no way to count them all! Yes! This is MY God. This is MY Father who brings me the best lunch I could imagine, so I don’t need to worry about getting my own lunch because I know that His will be so much better in every way!

God bless you my friends! I have missed you!!!!

Categories: 365 Life, The Crazy Mom Blog | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

He Cares

Posted on December 25, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

“By the seventh day God had finished the work He had been doing; so on the seventh day He rested from all His work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it He rested from all the work of creating that He had done.” Genesis 2:2-3

Out of the two hundred sixty-seven times the word “rest” is found in the New International Version of the Bible, this is the first. Firsts and lasts are important in the Bible, they usually tell us a lot in just one short verse. This instance is no different. It absolutely thrills me that this verse is the first time that the word “work” is mentioned AND the first time the word “rest” is mentioned, coincidence? DEFINITELY NOT!!! God’s “work” of creating was finished in seven days. Do I think they were literal twenty-four hour days? Yes. Why? Because He’s GOD, what other reason do I need??? When you really think about it, it probably could have only taken Him an instant to create the entire universe, again, He’s GOD. But instead He took His time, and enjoyed the work of His hands, continually stepping back from each stage of creation to admire His work and remark emphatically “It is good”. He enjoyed what He was doing. And yet, on the seventh day, He still stopped doing it. Why? To set an example for us. I mean, you don’t honestly think He rested because He was tired do you? Remember, He’s GOD. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done something just because my kids were watching, said something because I knew my kids would “over-hear” me. I believe this instance to be the same. God was resting as an example for us to follow, because we being, well, not God, need rest. An entire day of it every week.

Life is a journey, a very long one for most of us. One in which many rest stops are required in order to complete the journey successfully. Many people have set out to accomplish something monumental, only to fall short of their goal due to lack of rest and/or support. Human shoulders were never created to carry burdens, especially large ones for long periods of time, and neither were human hearts.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon [the richest king Israel ever had] in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.” Matthew 6:25-34

Yahweh God, is our Father. Jesus the Messiah is our husband. The Holy Spirit is our comforter and helper. Together these three are one God, a God who cherishes us and calls us all by name. While our worries can not add a single hour to our life, they do subtract them! There are many studies that have shown how stress is very bad for our bodies. Stress, or worry, tears at our spirits. It makes them sick, sometimes to the point of becoming physically ill in a multitude of ways. Yet ALL of this can be avoided by simply resting.

God knows what we need before we ever need it. He had only created mankind the day before and yet the very next day, before they had even had a chance to work let alone get tired, He was instituting the first Sabbath day. Boy our God is good!!! He CARES for us. He cares about the little details in our lives, like the food we eat and the clothes we wear, so why wouldn’t He care about how we rest as well? First Peter chapter five verse seven tells us to “cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will HIMSELF restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:10)

In Matthew seven verse seven Jesus tells us that when we ask for things, God hears us and sends answers to our prayers. They’re not always the answers we like, but they are always, without fail, the answers we need. In verse nine through eleven He explains, “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” God cares for you like a Father, He wants to provide for you all the things you need… including rest!

Right now you may feel like God has forgotten or forsaken you, but that is a bold-faced lie from the father of lies himself! God tells us through the prophet Isaiah: “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;” (49:15) Your name has been engraved on the palms of His hands with the nails that pierced those beautiful strong hands at Calvary. Trust me my friend, He is incapable of forgetting or ignoring you because He cares for you too much. But perhaps, you’ve been ignoring Him. His pleadings for you to slow down and notice Him, sitting in your quiet time chair waiting for you to join Him.

Do you have a spot where you routinely meet with God? A place that is set aside for that very special purpose? If not I suggest you find one, it’s amazing what a difference it can make! How just visiting that sacred spot can calm your soul, only if it’s for a brief moment. You can “still and quiet your soul; like a weaned child with its mother,” (Psalm 131:2) there. When a child is nursing its mother is its source of nourishment and therefore when it is in its mother’s arms it will fuss until it receives the milk it desires. However, a weaned child in its mother’s arms is a completely different story. Once weaned from its mother’s milk the child no longer seeks its mother’s arms for nourishment, but for company, for love, affection and comfort. So it also should be for us in our Father’s arms. We should be routinely (daily and weekly) seeking shelter from life’s storms under the wings of the Father who cares for us enough to engrave our names on His palms.

Yes, a Father like that I can find rest in! And so can you, when you seek Him you will find Him. But don’t seek Him for what He can do for you or what He can give you. Seek Him because He loves you. Seek Him because He cares for you. Seek Him because you want to know Him more as the Father, husband and comforter that He is. Cast all your cares, burdens and anxieties on Him because He cares for you! He is love, get to know that love more intimately through prayer and study. When you seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him and He will knock your socks off! He has mine! He loves you so desperately; won’t you let Him tell you how much? Give yourself permission to take some time and rest in the LORD today.

I’m too tired to trust and too tired to pray,

said I, as my overtaxed strength gave way.

The one conscious thought that my mind possessed,

Is, oh, could I just drop it all and rest.

Will God forgive me, do you suppose,

If I go right to sleep as a baby goes,

Without questioning if I may,

Without even trying to trust and pray?

Will God forgive you? Think back, dear heart,

When language to you was an unknown art,

Did your mother deny you needed rest,

Or refuse to pillow your head on her breast?

Did she let you want when you could not ask?

Did she give her child an unequal task?

Or did she cradle you in her arms,

And then guard your slumber against alarms?

Oh, how quickly a mother’s love can see,

The unconscious yearnings of infancy.

When you’ve grown too tired to trust and pray,

When overworked nature has quite given way:

Then just drop it all, and give up to rest,

As you used to do on mother’s breast,

He knows all about it – the dear Lord knows,

So just go to sleep as a baby goes;

Without even asking if you may,

God knows when His child is too tired to pray.

 He judges not solely by uttered prayer,

He knows when the yearnings of love are there.

He knows you do pray, He knows you do trust,

And He knows, too, the limits of poor, weak dust.

Oh, the wonderful sympathy of Christ,

For His chosen ones in that midnight tryst,

When He told them, “Sleep and take your rest,”

While on Him the guilt of the whole world pressed –

You have trusted your life to Him to keep,

Then don’t be afraid to go right to sleep.

    – Ella Conrad Cowherd*

____________________________________________________

* Ella Conrad Cowherd. Streams in the Desert. (Grand Rapids Michigan: Zondervan, 1997), 476.

Categories: The Crazy Mom Blog | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Spiritual Stay-cation Day 4: Because Jesus loves YOU

Posted on December 9, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

Well, I had a great talk with my mom last night reassuring her of my newly retrieved peace (thanks to God commanding me to put everything down for a week and let Him carry it instead). I am realizing that I’ve been carrying too much myself, including my old self “Tyra”. I’ve talked about her a couple of times over the past six months of blogging. She seems to pop back up into life occasionally, usually through friends who accidentally call me Tyra still… and then the accidental slip becomes a habit. Or in the case of most of my family members where I haven’t ever really explained to them the whole name change thing. Honestly, it’s not something that’s very easy for most people TO understand. “You changed your name… because God told you to??? O…K…” then they smile and nod and quickly change the subject. Some have even gone so far as to tell me I’m crazy, hence “The Crazy Mom Blog”.

Most people don’t understand going through a life change dramatic enough to warrant a change of name. Yet, really, when I really think about it, it was less that my life changed and more that my view of God changed. My view of myself changed because I was suddenly seeing my life through God’s eyes instead of my own. That changes a person in ways that most people can’t understand, because they’ve never had it happen to them. And I pray for that kind of change for them! Most people can stand to have a personal encounter with God that changes their entire outlook on themselves and the world around them. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried out to God on their behalf, praying that they would have a PERSONAL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with Christ even more intimate than mine is. That they would know Him the way Adam “knew” Eve in Genesis 4:1, with a kind of knowing that only husbands and wives share with each other, the kind of knowing that brings about children and fruit and offspring and seeds.

I haven’t always had this intimate of a relationship with Jesus, even though I’ve always been a church attending Christian. But just like sitting in a garage doesn’t make me a car, sitting in churches never made me a Christian. Anyway, there came a time in my life when I started actively seeking God out of a heart of wanting to know Him more. I was going to a Friday morning Bible study at a local church with some friends. I had attended Bible studies before, but it was really more out of a need for fellowship in a place where I knew no one that anything else. In this study, however, I already HAD the fellowship with the people around me and so through that Bible study I started seeking fellowship with the One we were studying. Through studying God’s word I came to know Him more, and the more I knew of Him the more I wanted to know Him. I wanted to experience Him the way Beth Moore was telling us that we could. There was something about the way that she talked about Him, the way she lit up when she said His name. She wasn’t just teaching because it was her calling, she was teaching because she had a true passion for the One she was teaching about. She had something in her that called out to me like a moth to a flame. I wanted that fire in ME, I wanted the passion that she had for what she was talking about. Through her I started to realize that the hunger I’d had my entire life wasn’t for the things I thought it had been for, it was for HIM. It was a hunger for a relationship with HIM! And OH! When I started setting aside my religion for a RELATIONSHIP, *romantic sign…..* I got what I had always been hungering for. And so much more!

Just like a true bride, when she gets married she is thrilled to take her new husband’s name, I too took a new name. You know how most pastor’s will say that they were called into the ministry? Well, although I was not called to be a pastor, I too have been called. And in that calling has come a LOT of changes. God has taken me through some really wild rides and experiences that you do NOT want to know about let alone experience. To prepare me for this calling on my life, I have seen things that most people never see, and most people would never believe. When I laid down my life to follow God’s call, I laid down the name that went along with that life. And I picked up the name that symbolizes this new life within my bones.

But that doesn’t mean that the old name (and everything that goes with it) hasn’t persistently followed me since then! Oh NO! The sentimental and emotional cord that has bound me to Tyra started out quite short and she followed along behind me very closely. And slowly but surely, bit by bit I’ve consistently tried to sever that cord between my old self and my new self. But the only thing my scissors have done is make the cord longer. And every time she follows behind me a bit farther; so that I THINK she’s gone… but then she just comes bounding back up again with those eyes that just plead “You know you really do love me. You really do want to keep me.” And for a while I’ll look into those eyes and think, it’s just a name, does it really matter what these other people call me? What they call me doesn’t define who I really am. But allowing them to think that I am still that person, by allowing them to still call me that dead person’s name, is lying to them. I let it go for the sake of trying to be polite and not correct people, but the truth is, that’s just not who I am anymore and I need to be honest with myself and them.

In first Chronicles chapter four verses nine through ten we read about a man named Jabez. Now some of you may be familiar with his story, hidden within a huge list of names, but for those who are not:

“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying ‘I gave birth to him in pain.’ Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request.”

Now “Jabez” sounds like the Hebrew word for “pain”. His name means pain. His mother called him “pain” his entire life as a reminder that she gave birth to him in pain. There is power in a name because the name of something defines it. When I say “basket ball” you don’t just think about the ball that get’s thrown into baskets, you think about the ball, the sport, the court, the players, the fun, the cheers, everything that is related to basket ball is defined in those two small words – its name. The definition of Jabez’s life to that point, was pain. When he cried out to the One who can do all things, he asked (of all things) to be free from the one thing that had plagued him for his entire life, pain!

How many of us have had pain plague us throughout our entire lives??? You know, there are two different kinds of pain, physical and spiritual. I personally have experienced both and between the two I can say hands down that Spiritual pain is the worst! Because spiritual pain is a pain that doesn’t go away when you rub it, there’s no pill that you can pop to make spiritual pain go away. When your body is in pain there is a multitude of ways that humanity has come up with to ease that pain… but when your spirit is hurting there’s only one cure. Jesus. Sure, we’ve come up with lots of ways to attempt to substitute some other forms of spiritual cures, from booze, to food, to sex, to violence, but when we really get right down to it, they’re all just substitutes. Like aspartame is a substitute for real sugar, that tastes nothing like real sugar and has horrible side effects, so do these substitutes. They’re nothing like the real thing and they leave behind them horrible side effects and after tastes. Jesus is the One and only true healer of ALL pain, in all of its forms and functions. Jesus is the only one that has the ability to free us from the pain that plagues our souls day in and day out. And when we cry out to Him He can and does free us from that pain. No, the physical pain may or may not leave, but the spiritual pain ALWAYS does.

One hundred percent of our spiritual pain comes from sin. And it may not even be sins that we ourselves committed, it may have been the sins that our ancestor’s committed, or our relatives, or even our neighbors or friends! Our society stresses individuality and the Enemy likes to try to get us to think that our actions only effect us, but nothing could be farther from the truth! Our actions, good or evil, create waves in the air around us. They change our own reactions and the reactions of the people around us, which changes the reactions of the people around them. Nothing that we do, stands alone. Nothing that we do DOESN’T leave a point of impact or change something in the environment around us. Nothing.

I know that my own sins have caused me pain and the pain that I experienced changed me… but it has also changed the people around me too. Through my healing from that pain, came my greatest transformation. A new birth, a new name, a new career, a new lifestyle, pretty much a new everything! From my pain I’ve written a whole book on the sins of my past and how I was transformed from that pain they brought about. An excruciating pain deep in my soul that I couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around or ease with my finger, and yet it throbbed in my heart all the same. Outwardly I looked fine, but inwardly I wasn’t. I couldn’t ever define HOW I was in pain, or where it was really coming from. Until I started earnestly crying out for God to fix the thing that was wrong, whatever it was it was causing me pain and a lot of it! I wanted it gone! And God granted my request. It wasn’t at all the way I thought He would grant it, and yet it was exactly the way it needed to be.

That pain I used to experience, I see it in the eyes of the people I interact with day in and day out. I recognize that pain, because I’ve lived that pain. Oh! For so long I lived in that excruciating un-named pain… and I’ve been freed from it. God gave me a new name because He freed me from the pain that was attached to the old name. “Tyra”, while a perfectly good name, defines that time in my life filled with the pain of past sins plaguing me and tying me up from the blessings God was trying to pour out over me. Tyra, like an umbrella, was blocking God’s blessings and favor from reaching all the way down to me and causing them to flow to the sides of me instead. Tyra was a beautiful person, she loved others, she loved God, but she turned herself into an idol and got in her own way. Tyra made a HUGE mistake and suffered for it for 13 years. But she didn’t suffer alone, she brought her friends and her family and her boyfriend and then her husband in on the pain as well. Misery loves company and so did Tyra. Tyra is a slave. A slave to sin, and pride, and fear. She’s a slave to lust and gluttony and adultery. Sure, Tyra did a lot of really good things too, but all of them were done through the filter of sin and slavery.

When Tyra cried out to God for help, that He would bless her, enlarge her territory, that His hand would be upon her, keep her from harm so that she would be free from pain, He didn’t just grant her request, He leapt for joy. Simply at the fact that she had finally asked HIM. God was so happy that day, that after years of being in pain and searching for answers she had FINALLY come to the ONE WHO COULD GIVE HER THE ANSWERS AND THE HEALING TOO! When she cried out to God that He would bless her, He did so much more than simply bless her, He has consistently enlarged her territory (to the point that it is starting to make her uncomfortable – not that that’s a bad thing!) He has kept His hand upon her, directing her steps and making them more and more sure every day. He has most definitely kept her from more harm that even she could ever imagine!!!!! But the best part of all, He has freed her from the pain. And to signify that freedom from pain He blessed her with a new name. Tamar. A name that symbolizes strength in adversity, fruit in the wilderness, love for the unloved, water for the thirsty and food for the hungry. Tamar symbolizes light for those in darkness, hope for those in desperation, Tamar is a bride of Christ.

I am Tamar, who are you? What does your name mean to you? How does it define you? Is it holding you back? Or is it pushing you forward toward Christ?

Just like Saul, Tyra lived her religion most days of her life, until she came face to face with the One her religion was named after. Have you come face to face with the One your religion was named after? Many people today claim Christianity and yet know very little about what it really means to be a Christian. The every day practices of a Christian vary depending on what denomination you talk to, but the core, the center, the HEART of Christianity has very little to do with religion. It’s ALL about RELATIONSHIP. It’s about having one, with THE ONE. 🙂 Tyra lived her religion, Tamar lives her relationship. Don’t just go through the motions of religion, live them. Don’t pray for the sake of praying, pray because you want to carry on a conversation with the One who heals; because Jesus loves you. Don’t go to church because it’s something Christians do, go to church because He’s told us not to forsake gathering together with fellow believers; because Jesus loves you. Don’t get involved in volunteering because it’s the right thing to do, do it because He’s asked us to be His hands and feet; because Jesus loves you. Jesus loves YOU. Jesus came and fought religion because He doesn’t want empty rituals and empty sacrifices, He wants a marriage relationship with YOU. If that relationship involves a ritual or two, and what relationship doesn’t, then that’s OK. But it’s not the ritual that He wants, it’s not the ritual that He loves, He loves YOU!

Most parents go through a bed time ritual with their children. Usually because the routine of it bring the child comfort in its predictability, it helps the child know what time it is and prepares them for sleep, and they’re fun. As the parent, you don’t go through the ritual just to do the ritual, you go through it for your child’s benefit. There are parts of it that you enjoy and benefit from, but you do it for their sake, not wholly your own. God is the same way. He’s given us rituals to follow to bring us comfort in their predictability, especially when life is so unpredictable! He’s given us rituals to help us know and remember what time it is and to prepare us for what is coming next. But it’s not the rituals that He loves, it’s not the customs we have or the words that we say that He loves, it’s us. The rituals and customs and rules are supposed to REMIND us of Him and His unending love for us. And it’s easy to get so caught up in these things that we forget to look to whom they are pointing. They’re supposed to be pointing us to a relationship with Jesus, to an ever new level of intimacy with Him until we finally get to go home and know Him as we are known. That is what a relationship with Him is about, constantly getting to know Him better. That’s what any relationship is about! You don’t stop getting to know your husband the day you get married, that’s the day you REALLY start to get to know him!

I challenge you today to be thoughtful in what way you can get to know Jesus better; today and every day here after. He is desperate for you, are you desperate for Him? If not, ask Him why you aren’t and start seeking ways to become desperate for Him; hungry for His presence His touch in your life. It’s like a drug that isn’t illegal and shouldn’t ever be, are you addicted to Him? Do you wanna be? I’ve got some you can try, it’s the really good stuff, the kind that you NEVER come down off of either. Because He promises to NEVER leave you or forsake you, not ever; because Jesus loves you.

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Day 2 of my Spiritual Stay-cation

Posted on December 7, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

Right now I just want to explode! Which is a big deal because I am a temperate person, I don’t get like this usually. But all the little things are bothering me. The Christmas boxes cluttering the living room, the toys scattered throughout the house on the floor so I can’t even walk five feet without having to step over something. The dishes piled high in the sink and overflowing onto the counter and even onto the kitchen table! The laundry baskets brimming with dirty clothes (didn’t I just finish the laundry??? Oh, wait, that was last week, siiiigh…..) The two-dozen eggs I somehow left at the store that they didn’t find, the receipt from the store proving I bought two-dozen eggs that I can’t find (probably in the bag with the eggs)! The check for a copy of Dandelion Season that seems to have evaporated into thin air! Notes from the teacher on how Gabe should’ve had his sevens memorized by now “what’s wrong?” in other words, “Mom, I don’t think you’re doing your job…” (Ok, maybe that’s not what she meant, but it’s certainly how I’m taking it today!) Arg!

“Yes Lord, I do need a break, You are very right. I fought you on taking this “Spiritual Stay-cation” but I need to learn how to let these things go. I need to learn how to let Your grace be sufficient for me. But Lord, what if I don’t want that? What if I want to be self-sufficient? What if I want to do this all myself, You know, be independent. What happens then? Because this whole leaning-on-You thing and feeling like I keep running into brick walls, I don’t like it. I’m frustrated and tired and confused – I may have even gotten a concussion on that last wall I ran into. It didn’t move.”

“Well Little One, you are not alone in this desire for independence that’s for sure! Just look at Adam and Eve for example. They wanted to do things they’re way too. When they ate that fruit they did so much more than disobey a rule – My one and only rule. They decided to take matters into their own hands. They chose to stop leaning on Me and trusting Me to take care of them and instead take care of themselves. The only problem with that is that they can’t That has been the whole point of most of history, proving to you that you need Me.”

“But Lord, I know that already. I know I need You…”

“Ah, but you’re not living like you do. When you know you need me then you’re constantly reaching out for Me, searching for Me, you’re not doing that at all. You’re walking like you know what I want you to do but you’ve never really spent any time asking Me what My will is. You haven’t spent any time searching My Word for answers to your burning questions, you just assume an answer to them or let them continue burning in your mind, frustrating you. Use some Living Water to put out those un-needed fires girl! Yes I want you to be on fire, but for the right reasons! I want you to be on fire for Me. For My love, for My goodness. If you’re doing things on your own and expecting things to happen in your way and your timing then you’re not trusting in Me but in yourself. You’re just asking Me to place My stamp of approval and blessing on something YOU did. Why would I do that when I want everything to call attention to what I did, for you and everyone else.”

“Lord, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing. Father, please forgive me. Please help me to trust You and Your strength and not in my own. Please help me to actually seek You first in everything I do and not just pretend to.”

“My love, I know that there are times in your life, like right now, where it doesn’t seem to you like I’m doing anything. But in reality I am. When you are in the grocery store with your children and you stop the cart to read a label or compare prices; to your children it seems like you’re just standing there, but you’re not are you? You’re reading, you’re studying to see if the product is worth the cost. You’re comparing one product with another to see which one will be the best product for your family. The healthiest product for the lowest cost. Well, that’s what I’m doing too. At no point in your life am I sleeping or unaware of your situation. At no point in our journey through time together have I stopped nor am I doing nothing. In fact nothing could be farther from the truth. When you’re shopping at what point are you truly more active? When your feet are moving you toward the next thing on the list or when you are making that next best choice for your family? And compare that to what your children are doing while they are waiting for you to move. They’re wandering farther and farther away from the cart. They’re touching things on the shelves, they’re getting in other people’s way, they’re grabbing things and putting them into the cart without asking first. In other words they get bored and into trouble. When you’re waiting for Me to move are you like that? Do you wander aimlessly, touching things you shouldn’t? When it’s time to move on to the next thing on your list what do you do? Do you call out to your children, gathering them together so that you can move on together as a family? Of course you do! Please realize that at no point will I ever truly leave you behind. Just like you may threaten to leave your child in the store because they’re not following you closely enough, I too do the same thing. There are moments/seasons in your life where it seems like you’re not going anywhere or doing anything and then you hear my call and you’re having to run to keep up with Me. Just like you would never dream of ACTUALLY leaving your child in the store, you ARE however serious about moving on and so am I. When I say it’s time to move on, it’s time to move on, so you’d better be movin’ it girl!”

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Tomorrow

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

So now what? I’ve taken an entire day off. I’ve rested physically by sitting and reading and NOT working. I’ve rested spiritually by spending quiet time in the pool of Living Water that just happens to fill my Bible and my bookshelves in the multitude of Christian books I’ve collected and I’ve rested emotionally by spending time with my husband and my kids, the way they make me laugh always fills me up. But now I’m back to Monday and facing what feels like a tidal wave of work to do. How do I deal with this? Lord, How do I keep from losing my newly found peaceful sanity on the first day?

Well, two short chapters before the Ten Commandments were passed down, Moses was dealing with this same problem. He had an entire nation of people all looking to him to solve their quarrels. To be their judge and to be their intercessor to God. Moses’ father-in-law noticed the problem immediately and said to Moses “What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning til evening?” (Exodus 18:14)

Why is it that as moms we alone stand as the “do-er” in our homes? Is your home like mine was? I was breaking my back and my spirit trying to do everything all by myself, and I still catch myself doing it to this day! My kids had no chores, my husband went to work, but came home and did zero around the house. I did nearly EVERYTHING for my family while they “stood around” and did NOTHING! TV was their best friend. It took several years of frustration and tears and trying to do it all myself and not succeeding to finally help me realize I am not able to do this all myself! Even more, I was never created to do it all by myself! God has NEVER expected that from me or anyone else for that matter! So who am I to expect it from myself? I mean really? Please!

Exodus 18:17 Moses’ father-in-law replied, “What you are doing is not good. 18 You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. 19 Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the people’s representative before God and bring their disputes to him. 20 Teach them his decrees and instructions, and show them the way they are to live and how they are to behave. 21 But select capable men from all the people—men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain—and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. 22 Have them serve as judges for the people at all times, but have them bring every difficult case to you; the simple cases they can decide themselves. That will make your load lighter, because they will share it with you. 23 If you do this and God so commands, you will be able to stand the strain, and all these people will go home satisfied.”

Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law had it right! Delegation is the way to go! Doing it all yourself wears out everyone, not just you! Cause if Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy! And I have been that Mama! Just this weekend in fact! I was sitting in the umpteenth restaurant for the weekend, attempting to have a conversation with my brother (whom I never get to see) over my son’s head. Which wasn’t too big of a deal until he started holding his balloon above his head trying to balance it there. So  now I had to not only yell over the din of the restaurant noise but I also had to keep moving back and forth to make eye contact with the person I was yelling down the table to. I was tired from ballet recital week, trying to run a household and a ministry all at the same time and the stress of trying to do it all myself caught up to me and I snapped right in front of God and everyone. Thankfully I didn’t yell at my son like I wanted to. God is gracious and kept me from hurting him in that way. But I did angrily snatch the balloon from his hands and put it behind me. My family was shocked! They’ve never seen me react to any child that way. Probably because it’s so rare of a reaction that it shocked me just as much as it did them! Immediately I was desperate to get alone, get away, get sane. But I couldn’t, there was nowhere to go. I was in a crowded restaurant in a busy town. How do you find peaceful solitude in a place like that?

In that morning’s devotional it talked about how Jesus would spend His day surrounded by the masses but in the evenings and early mornings He would retreat alone to the hills whenever possible to pray and be with the Father. I suddenly understood why! Because He was EXHAUSTED! It’s one thing to be physically exhausted, but if you’re spiritually exhausted… there’s no pushing through it! There’s no moving on until you’ve rested in the LORD in prayer. I didn’t know this until this weekend. And I didn’t really understand it until right now. Yes, I was physically exhausted, but I snapped because I was spiritually exhausted. I was done dealing with the masses and the chaos and all their pain. I couldn’t respond to their needs because mine had become so overwhelming. My own pile of needs got so high that I couldn’t see over it to be able to see what anyone else needed. Or maybe it was that I had taken on so many other people’s burdens and responsibilities for them. I had gone so long without passing those burdens on to God and asking Him if I even should continue carrying them, that my arms were so full I just couldn’t carry anything else… including a conversation with my brother. My mom’s concerned “Are you OK?” got answered with an exhausted “I’m tired” sigh, but I didn’t realize why I was so tired.

I took the first opportunity I could to retreat to the restroom where I found solace in a stall only big enough for ONE! ME! Alone. There were other people in the room but none of them could see me and that, at least in some small measure, helped. I took as long as I could – without drawing even more worried suspicion from my already concerned family – to pray and just BE with God for that briefest of moments. I came out able to finish the rest of the evening we’d planned with as much composure as I could muster. But it wasn’t much I have to admit.

I am resolving to do my best to get  back onto the schedule that God keeps giving me every time I’m frustrated – pray and write and sing daily, no matter what! It’s just what keeps me healthy, wealthy and wise. Staying grounded, rooted in His Word, it’s the only thing that works for me. That and remembering to delegate! My children are four, nine and thirty-five they’re fully capable of pulling their own weight and putting away the dishes and cleaning their own rooms! Hmmmmm….. I just got a new rule from the LORD for my family and I like it!!! The TV is not allowed to come on unless ALL the chores (including Daddy’s) are finished! We ALL work together so that we can all rest together too! We’re a team at the Knochel house, and there’s no “I” in team now is there??? Looks like “I” won’t be doing all the work by myself anymore! :)

God bless you in your own efforts to find ways to manage your home without doing it all yourself!

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Busy Mom’s Morning Prayer

Posted on September 21, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

As Christians and as mothers, we are waging war in a supernatural showdown all day every day of our lives. Therefore life requires that we put on the full armor of God every morning. But sometimes, as busy moms, we just don’t have a lot of time to pray through the Bible every morning to cover ourselves. God blessed me with most of this prayer about 6 months ago, and I can tell you from experience that He answers it immediately every time and that it is very powerful. So yesterday when He made the light bulb above my head turn on and reminded me of this sweet little breath prayer. He also called me to compare it to the elements of the armor of God in Ephesians 6, and I was amazed at the results.

“Come Holy Spirit, fill me with Your fire so that I may be more like You; help me, I trust You.”

“Come Holy Spirit,” – “Belt of Truth buckled around your waist”(v14) & “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (v17): In John 16:13 Jesus tells us “But when He, the Spirit of Truth, comes and guides you into all truth. He will not speak on His own; He will speak only what He hears, and He will tell you what is yet to come.” So simply by me saying “Come Holy Spirit” I am putting on the belt of truth and I am picking up the Sword of the (Holy) Spirit, which is the word of God. I am calling God to come and be with me today. I am asking Him to come into my situation and live through me. “Come Holy Spirit”, guide me with Your light. “Come Holy Spirit” speak Your words with my tongue today. The word of God is sharper than a two-edged sword, it is THE weapon that we use against the Enemy, and the Bible is filled with them! “Come Holy Spirit” and teach me Your words, Your wisdom, Your grace, Your love. “Come Holy Spirit”.

“fill me with Your fire” – “with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” (v15): When the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples at Pentacost (Acts 2) it came in tongues of fire that danced above their heads (this was before they had light bulbs of course). Have you ever heard the expression “She is really on fire for the LORD”? When we are “on fire” for something we’re excited about it, we’re ready to tell people about it. And honestly, the gospel of peace is exciting! God’s love is exciting. His grace is exciting. And let me tell you, I’ve been praying this part of the prayer for 6 months, the more often you pray it, the more on fire you will get for God and His gospel of peace! I have prayed this prayer for just about everything under the sun. Wisdom, discernment, help, courage, when I sneeze and there’s no one around to say “God bless you”… “Come Holy Spirit and fill me with Your fire”, it’s an invitation to God to fill you and use YOU for His good purposes on this earth! To use YOU to change the world! “Fill me with Your fire!”

“make me more like You” – “with the breastplate of righteousness in place” (v14): Abraham was declared righteous, not because of his deeds but because of his faith. Faith is our belief in action. Jesus’ death on the cross pays for the debt our sins create between us and God. The blood stained cross declares each and every one of us righteous (or pure) in God’s sight. However, we have to believe that it’s true and then live out our lives in that belief, or “walk in faith”, that it is true and that even though we are human and not perfect, we ARE forgiven, which makes us righteous. A breastplate usually has the royal crest emblazoned on it, declaring whose army you belong to; under whose authority you speak. As Christians, we are children of God Almighty the King of kings. We are not only warriors, we are royal warriors with the righteous symbol of God’s authority emblazoned on our chests. And it is with this very authority that we are able to stand up to the Enemy and WIN! We have been given the authority of Christ’s shed blood to tell the attacking Enemy forces “to report to Jesus immediately” and they must obey. So when we pray “fill me with Your fire so that I may be more like You” we are asking God to fill us up with His shed blood, placing that breastplate of righteousness over our chest and with it His authority over the Enemy. His righteousness covering our humanity. Covering the nakedness that we were once ashamed of; no longer.

“help me,” – “Take the helmet of salvation” (v17): In Romans chapter ten, verses nine through ten we read “That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” Now I know that for someone who hasn’t been raised in the church this could be a difficult passage to read and understand so let me break it down a bit for you. 1) “if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord'” – The word “Lord” is a term of respect that voices the acknowledgement that you are giving Jesus power, authority and ownership over you life. You need to speak out loud your decision to let Jesus be the one in charge of your life instead of you. Now there are all kinds of “sinners prayers” out there that you could pray, but according to this scripture it can be as simple as “Jesus is Lord”. 2) “believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead” – So very much of the Bible centers around belief, and honestly, the helmet of salvation centers around it too. The Bible tells us multiple times that Jesus died on the cross, was buried and dead for three days, and then on the third day He rose from the dead and for a period of 40 days appeared to a multitude of people who then gave witness to the fact that He was indeed alive. So the question you have to ask yourself is, “Do I believe this to be true?” I pray that you’ve answered “YES!” 3) “you will be saved” – Yes, it really is as simple as that! Verse ten explains it to us a little more; that when we believe in our heart that Jesus did die for us personally, then we are justified (which means He made it so that it was just-as-if-I’d never sinned). Salvation is simple, there is no real action required on our part aside from belief and a confession of that belief. Romans 10:13 tells us “for, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’” – see, just call on Jesus. No work on the part of man can save him (I believe this includes confession of sins), because Jesus did it all for us to make it as simple as possible so that all who believe will be justified and they will confess with their mouths and be saved! Salvation is the pathway to the Garden of Relationship with Christ and this is where all the healing takes place. The confession of sins and asking for His help with them takes place within the enclosed walls of the Garden of Relationship and is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL to it. (I can not stress this enough!!!!!!!) Honestly, I don’t know that true healing could take place without it. “Help me”, is our daily cry to Jesus. “Help me” to be the person You want me to be. “Help me” to stop doing the things that I did in the past that got me into trouble. “Help me” to be a better mom. “Help me” to live the life I’ve always dreamed of. “Help me” to get through this dark place that I’m living in right now, shine Your magnificent light on me. “Help me”, so small, and yet so VERY VERY profound.

“I trust You.” – “take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (v16): This is one of my favorite truths that I love to share with people. When God revealed the shield of faith to me I’m glad that I was already on the floor because if I hadn’t been I would’ve hit it! Turn with me, if you would, to the Psalm of Protection, Psalm 91 and look at verse 4. “He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge; HIS faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” Now I’ve heard a lot of sermons on these passages of scripture and I have to tell you that NONE of them left me feeling any better about being able to fend off the Enemy… because everything depended on me! Did I know the truth? Was I righteous? Was I ready? Did I know the gospel message well enough? Was I faithful enough? Was I saved? Did I know enough scripture? It’s enough to make a girl want to scream “NO! I DON’T! I CAN’T! I GIVE UP!” But look at it right there in your Bible! It’s not MY faithfulness that shields me from the Enemy! It’s HIS! Praise God Almighty in heaven its HIS faithfulness that protects me! it’s HIS faithfulness that never fails! Mine? HUH! All the time! But not His, His faithfulness is unending. His faithfulness is eternal. His faithfulness is more than enough. His faithfulness doesn’t just shield me from one side only like most shields do. OH NO! His faithfulness is a force field that surrounds us in a bubble of protection that not even laser beams or nuclear weapons can penetrate! Hallelujah Praise the LORD for His love endures forever! Isn’t that just the best news you’ve ever heard? I mean as a mom I am pulled a thousand different directions. My daughter needs this from me, my son wants that from me, my husband needs me to do this for him, my friends need help with something, my ministry needs my attention, our family members… the list goes on and on and on! It is so comforting to know that GOD CAN HANDLE IT! That His faithfulness is ALL we need. That we can say “I trust You” and step into that force field of peace and know that no matter what fiery missiles the enemy tries to launch our way, we’ve got our bubble of peace powered by GOD’S FAITHFULNESS.

“Come Holy Spirit, fill me with Your fire so that I may be more like You; help me, I trust You.”

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It’s all About Attitude

Posted on September 19, 2011 by Mrs Knochel

As a stay at home mom and nap-time writer (who doesn’t usually get a nap-time to write anymore) you could say I’m a busy gal. There are always dishes to fold and clothes to unload, kids to shuttle from here to there, a husband to tend to, church activities and Bible studies to do and attend, loved ones to care for, friends to love… *wipes the sweat from her brow*… it’s a lot to handle for one girl. I’m positive you can relate! With everything tugging at us from all sides how is a modern mom like me supposed to get everything done without forsaking my relationship with God, my daily quiet time? He is the only way I can get through my day, so how can I fit it all in? I know that I need to build my day around Him and not the other way around. I also know that we all make time for the things we want to do. BUT sometimes the things we feel we have to do start to push everything else off the calendar square. Our priorities start to get skewed.

When doing anything, our heart attitude is what matters most to God, because it is our heart attitude that drives our actions. (Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.) Lets pretend for a moment that we’re planting a garden. Our heart attitude is the seeds that are planted, our actions are the outward appearance of those seeds, and the end results of our actions are the plants that come from the seeds. If I plant a heart attitude, or seed, of “I have to” do this, rather than a seed from the “I want to” do this attitude, then the plants that spring up from those seeds will be completely different. Although the outward appearance of the seeds, or the actions themselves, were the same, the end results are drastically different. From the “I have to” attitude we generally glean very little from our time with God. Usually because we are much less open to receiving a word of insight or comfort or instruction from Him; we are simply going through the motions of religion. However, from the “I want to” attitude we glean much more from our time simply because we are more open to receiving and it has meaning to us from the very beginning.

I feel like I need to add another attitude phrase. The “I have GOT to” do this attitude. Honestly, that’s the attitude I have walked into my quiet spot with today. I spent a good deal of time last night snuggled in bed working on writing a morning prayer for myself based completely on scripture. I ended up with about 10 scriptures, all very long, and the more I read the more of them I wrote down, until I realized “Lord, if I could, I think I would simply pray the WHOLE Bible over myself every morning! They’re ALL good!” And at that point it was 11pm, my husband was climbing into bed with me and I decided I would work on it tomorrow. Famous last words right!?!

So this morning I jumped out of bed and hit the ground running, packing lunches, making breakfast, dressing kids and walking Gabe out to the bus – practicing memory verses because we hadn’t had time to read any because the egg stuck to the pan; I immediately came in and started Anna’s morning movie (the only TV she gets during the day) and then started attacking the disaster in the kitchen from the weekend, then bounced to my computer to look up something they had mentioned on the radio; but then, the phone rings, it’s my prayer partner Tammy to pray, so I get up, grab my Bible and get on the floor to pray; but she can’t pray long because she’s volunteering at the Crisis Pregnancy Center today so I jump back up to finish the dishes I’d started earlier – but at the same time I’m feeling pulled to finish the new page on the website I’d started before the phone call, and well, there’s that morning prayer I said I’d finish today, and, WOW, I haven’t even prayed ANY morning prayer yet today, let alone write one; and then there’s that blog post I’ve got rolling around in my head that I’d like to start writing down, and I haven’t had my snuggle time with Anna yet – she’s a physical touch love language so, I’ve got to get that in there or she’ll be all over me later… AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GOD HELP ME!!!!!!! I grabbed my Bible, notebook and pen and fled to my bedroom, closed the door, breathing “Lord, protect Anna and keep her out of trouble while I’m in here!” (remembering what happened to the Israelites while Moses was on the mountain with God for 40 days; no golden calf messes here please LORD) and flung myself on the floor in front of our mirror with all my prayer notes at the bottom, praying “LORD! HELP ME! WHAT DO I DO FIRST??????”

An “I have GOT to” attitude… you know… those moments when I have GOT to pray or I’ll explode from being pulled in a million different directions at once. The attitude that comes around when you realize, hey, I didn’t have my “preventative” time with God earlier so I’d better do it NOW before things get worse.

So, in light of how the last 5 hours of my life has been, I have concluded that A) my life is a run-on sentence, and B) my morning prayer can still be based on scripture without being the whole scripture! And it was at that moment, like a breath of fresh air sweeping through the room, that God pulled the string to the light bulb over my head and BOOM! There was my scripture-based Busy Mom’s Morning Prayer!

Which I will share with you tomorrow. 🙂

Hmmmm…… maybe my day wouldn’t have felt quite so crazy if I had taken 30 seconds to start my day with prayer instead of jumping straight into the day…. we might just talk about that tomorrow too. 🙂

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