True Intimacy

Day 13: One and Only

Posted on March 3, 2015 by Tamar


2 Peter 1:1-3:18

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.

For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

A ruler questioned Him saying, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”  Luke 18:18

 

Through the years I think everyone has asked that question and there are a lot of different answers to it.  While I can’t claim to know for certain the one true answer, remember I am not a theologian, I can tell you what Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good?  No one is good except God alone.  You know the commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not bear false witness, honor your father and mother.'”  And he said, “All these I have kept since my youth.”  When Jesus heard this, He said to him, “One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
Luke 18:19-22 The man hadn’t broken a single commandment in his entire life, he was a “good person”, and yet he still “lacked one thing”.  That one thing was a relationship with Jesus.

So many people think that being a good person and doing good things is enough to declare them worthy.  No one is completely sinless and deserving of heaven (Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God).  There is NOTHING you can DO to earn a ticket to heaven.

Romans 4:24-25 says: but for our sake also, to whom it will be credited, as those who believe in Him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead, He who was delivered over because of our transgressions, and was raised because of our justification. You see, it’s kind of like each one of us has our own spiritual credit card.  Every time we sin it “rings up” a debt that has to be paid before we can get into heaven.  Because Psalm 5:4 tells us: For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness; no evil dwells with You. While still sinful we cannot live in heaven with God because we have no way to pay that debt.  Nothing we DO can ever change the balance.

However, God loves us and He made a way.  For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16)  For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15) Jesus lived a completely sinless life -zero balance on his “card”, and yet He CHOSE to die on the cross to pay for all of our sins.  (He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
2 Corinthians 5:21)  When Jesus died He paid our debt, the whole thing.  It’s like; He called the credit card company, requested a balance transfer, and said “I’ll pay it all for them.”  So here we stand today with a balance on our cards and Jesus on the phone saying He’ll pay it all off IF we want Him to.  Hmmmmm…. let me think; zero balance on my sin card AND eternal life filled with His love…. Um, YEAH! I’ll take that deal.

Jesus said, “In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.  If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.  And you know the way  where I am going.”  Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?”  Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through me.” (John 14:2-6 emphasis mine)  Jesus is THE way to God the Father in heaven.  He didn’t say that He was ONE of the ways; He is THE ONE AND ONLY WAY.  We don’t get to heaven by who we are or what we’ve done.  We are forgiven and able to go to heaven because of who JESUS is and what JESUS has done.  Period.  If you don’t believe me, look it up for yourself, it’s all right there in black and white and red.

You see it’s all about belief:

[Y/N] Do you believe in God the Father?

[Y/N ] Do you believe in Jesus His Son?

[Y/N ] Do you believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father?

[Y/N ] Do you believe that Jesus died for you on the cross?

[Y/N ] Do you believe that His death was enough to pay for your sins?

[Y/N ] Are you sorry for the sins that you have committed in the past?

[Y/N ] Have you prayed and asked forgiveness for those sins?

[Y/N ] Have you prayed and accepted Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross as payment for those sins?

[Y/N ] Have you prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to come live in your heart and help you not to purposefully sin in the future?

[Y/N ] Does someone else know about your commitment to God yet?

If you answered yes to all of the above then you are a beloved Child of God and fellow follower of Christ.  I look forward to meeting you in heaven my sister.

However, this is not the end, this is just the beginning!  It’s the beginning of a NEW YOU, a NEW LIFE in Christ.  One where Christ lives through you and you – love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (Matthew 22:37).  To do that, you love your spouse more than you love yourself.  Because love requires sacrifice & love requires obedience.

In John 3:36 it says that Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him. Notice, the words translated “does not obey”, in the original Greek is apeitheo which means “to refuse belief and obedience”.  With the meaning of this one word, all of salvation is explained.  Belief and obedience are tied together as one.  To believe in Jesus is to obey him!  We’ll go over this a little more tomorrow.

Christian’s comments:

 

I used to work with a guy that said he thought he would go to heaven because he “lived a good life”. Sure, he was a good guy. He donated a little to charity. He helped people when he could. However, he didn’t have Christ in his heart. He also didn’t go to church or tithe. I asked him, once, why he didn’t go to church. His answer? “I like to sleep in on weekends.” I tried to explain that there were services throughout the day, even in the evenings. He explained that he was “too busy”. I worked with this man for almost two years and could never convince him that “leading a good life” wasn’t enough to get into heaven. He was living with Jesus as his savior, but not as his Lord. You have to live your life according to God, for Jesus to be your savior.

It scares me to think about all the people in this world that think leading a good life will get them into heaven. If I had longer time to work with and minister to my co-worker, I might have brought him to Christ (I like to think that I could have anyway). However, my work time with him was cut short, and I had to move on.

I’m praying that the change this fast has made in me will lead my friends, derby buddies, and coworkers to Christ. I pray that they will see me living with Jesus as my Lord and not just my Savior and want the same things that are happening to me.

Categories: 2 Peter, 365 Life, Season 3, True Intimacy, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Leave a comment

Day 12: Proof

Posted on March 2, 2015 by Tamar


1 Peter 1:1-5:14

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.

For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering: the ruby, the topaz and the diamond; the beryl, the onyx and the jasper; the lapis lazuli, the turquoise and the emerald; and the gold, the workmanship of your settings and sockets, was in you, on the day that you were created they were prepared. Ezekiel 28:13

 

One morning God gave me the following vision of a jewelry store.  As I walked into the store the first thing I saw out on display was some costume jewelry.  Out.  Where anyone could look at it, touch it, or take it if, and whenever they wanted.  This jewelry was not special, it was not expensive and it was definitely not something you would hand down to your children.  This jewelry was not valuable.  It would be pretty at first, nice to look at, but it would tarnish quickly, and could easily be replaced or thrown away.

As I continued into the store I came to some nicer jewelry.  This kind of jewelry took up the majority of the store.  It was still on display where anyone could see it, however, it was locked in a glass case where you had to ask permission from the jeweler to open the case and take the jewelry out before you could touch it.  This jewelry was nicer and more expensive than the costume jewelry, however, pretty much anyone who walked into the store could ask to touch it and be granted permission.  ANYONE could come and look.  And stealing it would take a minimal amount of effort.

Finally I came to the priceless jewels; 4+ carat diamonds, huge and rare rubies and sapphires, and heirloom collector’s items.  THESE were NOT on display.  These priceless jewels were hidden, locked up in a safe with a combination that only the “high up” jewelers knew and only the special customers, that had enough money and intent, could see them let alone touch or buy them.  These items were SO special that they were NEVER advertised, they were never on display, they were a secret, because they were so precious.

Ladies, WE are that jewelry; our bodies.  The way that we see ourselves and treat ourselves are the different levels of jewelry and display.  How do you view yourself?  Do you see yourself as the costume jewelry, cheap and disposable?  Nice to look at but after a little while the niceness rubs off.  Or, do you see yourself as the nicer jewelry?  More expensive, the men have to ask permission to touch, but anyone can still look, because hey, you’re nice to look at?  Or are you the priceless jewelry?  Locked, hidden in a safe for the one and ONLY person who’s shown enough interest to have you and the ability to take good care of you.  *Sniff*  As I was just typing that, God said to me “I see them as the priceless jewelry, even if that’s not how they see themselves.”  *Sniff*  You.  Are.  So.  Beautiful to Him! You are priceless, covered in priceless jewels set with gold!  YOU!  He is talking to YOU!  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!  Start believing it for goodness sake!

For the longest time, as far back as I can remember anyway, I saw myself as the jewelry on display, not the costume jewelry, but not the priceless jewelry either.  I’ve always been petite and for the most part relatively skinny and not too bad to look at if I say so myself.  When my breasts started developing I, of course, wanted to show them off to the boys.  I wore revealing clothing, not too revealing my parents wouldn’t let me, but once I was out of the house… well that was a different story.  I was trying to attract the boys’ attention with my body, because honestly, it worked and I didn’t know any better way.  I enjoyed their looks, they made me feel good and worth looking at.  When I got married my necklines somehow dropped even lower than they were before!  And even if the necklines weren’t low, they were loose so if I bent over to care for one of my children I was showing the goods off to anyone with eyes!  Oh how God has opened my eyes to the folly of my ways.  My body belongs to my husband and my husband alone!  My breasts are for HIS eyes only.  Before, when they were on “display” for everyone to see – not all of them mind you, but the cleavage and fleshy parts – they weren’t specifically for Christian’s eyes only.  However, since God has led me to change my dressing habits and to cover things up more, my breasts are for my husband alone.  Making them more special and “entertaining” for him.  Think about it, when you know that your husband ONLY has eyes for you, how does that make you feel – pretty special and important right?  Now put the shoe on the other foot, when your husband knows that your body is ONLY for his eyes and enjoyment, how do you think that would make him feel?

Do you know what the verse BEFORE our opening verse says?  …You had the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. (Ezekiel 28:12b)  WOW!  In the Garden of Eden, they were naked.  And this verse is telling us that while in the garden and still naked they were PERFECT in beauty.  The next verse tells us that not only were they perfect in beauty; every precious stone covered their bodies.  In our natural state, naked, our bodies are perfect.  Period.

God created you just the way that you are.  I think Dawn McConnell said it best in “God’s Plan for Married Sex” when she said,

“He chose your legs, your thighs, your dress size, eye color, hair type.  You didn’t make you, God did.”6 We should be comfortable in what we look like and who we are as God created us, women.  Have you noticed that subdivisions these days don’t have straight roads anymore?  Do you know why that is?  Curves are more pleasing to the eye than straight lines.  One of the main characteristics of the woman’s body – is curves!

OK, I have a challenge for you today.  It is something that you will probably read this and say “No way am I doing that!”  But, that’s why I’m challenging you.  I’m double dog daring you to do this!  Write down on a note card: Psalm 139:14 Take it into your bathroom and stand in front of your mirror, full length if you’ve got one.  Then start at the top of your head with your hair, and work your way down to your toes.  Study your body and as you study it say to God “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful and I know that full well.”  Then, I triple dog dare you to do the exact same thing naked!  The effect is amazing, believe me!  Through God’s amazing love and this exercise, (which I learned from Lorraine Pintus and her amazing book Intimate Issues) I am in love with my body just the way that it is.  I love the silver in my hair, because it’s proof of how I’m getting to grow older with my husband, who is already blissfully bald.  I love the lines on my face, because they’re proof of years full of laughter and smiles.  I love the way that my breasts sag, because it’s proof of all the time that I spent holding and nursing my infants, watching them grow and bonding with them.  And I love the fact that my husband still loves my breasts and is still obsessed with them, I’m sure you can relate!  I love the “pooch” of my belly and the gigantic scar under it, because they’re my Mommy badge of honor!  I was blessed beyond measure to carry not one, but TWO babies in that belly, and some women never get to do that.  My hands, oh my hands!  The things that they’ve done!  Both good and bad, but either way, it’s been my hands that have done it all from comforting my children, to writing this book, to pleasing my husband.  I love my legs and feet, and the fact that they have taken me everywhere I have ever gone.  My body is amazing and full of “proofs” of a life filled with happiness, hard times and mistakes that I’ve survived and God has turned into “glittering rainbows”.

Just like the leaves that God paints in the fall of their lives, full of new color and light, we too grow old beautifully (no matter what those pesky commercials tell us).  Our lives can be full of light and color, but we have to allow “THE light” to shine through us like the opals, the jewels, that we really are.

Christian’s comments:

 

Yup, God only made so many perfect heads, the rest he covered with hair. I was in college when I first started losing my hair. I would wear a hat all the time and try to hide it. When my forehead started getting further back, I started cutting my hair shorter and shorter. Then, on my thirtieth birthday, I shaved it with a razor for the first time. Tamar really liked it, and I never went back. I have embraced my baldness (my flaw) and it is now a part of me.

How many of you husbands were like me? In jr. high and high school, how many of you chased after the costume jewelry? Go ahead, raise your hands. No one is looking. When my hormones were raging, I went after a LOT of girls that fit into the costume jewelry category. Most of them would have “the goods” on display for anyone to see. I would chase after them because I was only after one thing and they seemed to be the easiest way to get it.

Luckily, God had other plans for me. Most of the girls wouldn’t even go out with me. I wasn’t enough of a “sure thing”. Whenever one would go out with me, we could never seem to hook up, no matter how hard I tried.
As I grew older, I started dating girls that fit in the nice jewelry category. And, surprise surprise, the relationships lasted longer and were more enjoyable. There was less pressure. I didn’t have to worry about the girls dumping me for more of a “sure thing”.

At last, halfway through my senior year, I found my priceless jewelry.  My Tamar.  Husbands don’t become distracted by the costume jewelry that you see day-to-day. Don’t even give it a second glance. Instead, concentrate on the priceless jewelry you already have.

On a side note: Husbands and wives please pay attention to what your daughters are wearing out in public. Seems like everywhere I go I see young girls wearing skimpy tank tops and short shorts. They are barely wearing more than bathing suits. And don’t get me started on those! Please teach them some modesty. They don’t seem to understand the attention they are getting from wearing the skimpy clothes is not the attention they want. They aren’t just attracting the attention of the boys their age, but from dangerous people who really want to do them harm. Please help your daughters to not become pieces of costume jewelry. Please teach them to respect themselves. Help them to see that they are priceless jewels.

Categories: 1 Peter, 365 Life, Season 3, True Intimacy, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Leave a comment

Day 11: United

Posted on March 1, 2015 by Tamar


Obadiah 1:1-21

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.

For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother’s womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.  Psalm 139:13-14

 

So, what are you made of?  It’s an interesting comment to be sure.  But really, have you ever thought about it?  The nursery rhymes tell us: “Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.”  Then there’s science, the human body is made up of mostly water.  But what does the bible have to say about it?  Psalm 139:13-14 says that God wove us together in our mother’s womb, creating us with His very own hands, it’s just mind-blowing.  God’s hands created each and every one of us.  HE made us.  Just like Adam and Eve God’s hands formed us.  And just like creation He stands back, watches us grow and says “it is good”.

In the Garden of Eden:

“The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.  So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.  The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.  The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:20-24)

As Adam was naming all of the animals he realized that they all had mates and he didn’t.  He noticed that each of them had someone to call their own, and yet he didn’t.  Poor Adam was lonely, he wanted someone just like him; a partner, a mate.  So God lovingly created Eve for him.  But Eve unlike everything else in creation wasn’t spoken into existence or even made from the dust of the Earth like Adam, she was made from Adam’s flesh and bone.  When you think about how we as women were first created, it explains A LOT doesn’t it!  We’re tough and soft all at the same time; we’re made from bone and flesh.  God created us from man’s rib, not his head to be above him, or his feet to be below him, but his rib to be beside him.  And under his arm to be protected by him, close to his heart, to be loved by him.5
God made everything to serve a purpose, but I believe He had a very special purpose in mind when He created women.  We were made in such a different fashion than everything else on the earth, how can we not then BE different from everything else on earth?  While nothing in all of creation could fill the position of Adam’s “helper”, woman could.  Creation wasn’t complete until Eve came along.  It’s like God kept saying “Hmmmm, something’s missing… AHA! That’s it!  Woman!”  Hee hee!  We’re the icing on the creation cake!

In a conversation on this topic, my good friend Kelly commented, “… I’m made of ivory!”  I looked at her questioningly “Ivory?” I said.  “Yup, I’m made from Adam’s bone, polished-white-beautiful-ivory.”  I think Kelly’s got it right!  We are made of ivory.  We may have a few dirty spots on us, some dents and nicks, but under it all, we’re made of polished white beautiful ivory.  And it’s nothing for God to wipe those spots off for us and fill in those dents; all we have to do is ask Him to.  He’s got the best cleaning solution known to man; it fixes everything – Christ’s blood.

Now that we know what we’re made of, let’s look and see why it’s important.  In Mark 10:2-12 Jesus is asked about divorce by:

Some Pharisees [who] came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife.  And He answered and said to them.  “What did Moses command you?”  They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”  But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.  “But from the beginning of creation.  God made them male and female.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.  And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”

In this New Testament section, where Jesus himself is reminding us all that when God started creation He created them MALE and FEMALE, they were different and yet together made one whole.  I took a closer look at the words translated “and the two shall become one flesh”.  In the original Greek this word is “proskollao” which according to Strongs Exhaustive Concordance means “to be glued to, to cleave, to stick to”.  When God created Adam and Eve He never intended them to separate or divorce one another.  Notice how it states the same thing twice, adding emphasis to the fact that what used to be two separate entities, once married and united with sex, become one entity.

In Genesis 2:21 while God is forming Eve: the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. There is another place in Genesis where God causes someone else to fall into a “deep sleep”, and I KNOW that it’s not a coincidence.  In Genesis 15:9-18
God himself cut a blood covenant with Abram.  The procedure, to us is very peculiar, however as covenants go this one is filled with significance.  God instructed Abram to gather an assortment of animals for sacrifice.  Abram took the larger sacrificial animals and cut them each into half, and arranged the halves on the ground with space between them so that they could walk between them – just as the LORD had instructed.  Some birds of prey came and Abram chased them off, then the sun began to set and a deep sleep fell on Abram.  This is where God spoke to him and told him about the covenant He was making with him and his descendants.  When the sun had set God came down in the form of fire and passed between the pieces of the sacrifice; officially cutting a blood covenant with Abram and his heirs.

Now, tell me, when you cut an animal in half do you think there might be a little blood involved in the process?  Of course there was, hence the name “blood covenant”.  This type of promise was sacred to the people making the covenant.  By walking through the bloody animal halves they were promising that if they didn’t hold up their end of the bargain then they too could be cut in half!  This was a serious promise girls!  Are you ready for where this gets REALLY interesting?  When we get married we are also committing to a blood covenant between God, ourselves and our husbands.  When we cut this covenant God is joining the two souls of the bride and groom and making them one soul.  Covenants are NOT meant to be broken, ever.  They are meant to be protected, like when Abram protected the animal halves from the birds of prey.  There will be birds of prey in your life coming to devour your covenant, which is why you need to be vigilant and protect it.  And if these blood covenants are broken, there are deadly consequences involved.  THIS is why marriage is meant to be FOREVER, not just “till someone better comes along or I’m tired of you”.

The Father is leading me to share with you a very intimate prayer that I wrote on this day in our fast.

“Lord,

I am so messed up!  Christian and I have inflicted so much damage on each other.  Is there any way to repair it?  Is there still hope for us?  I know with You all things are possible, but I need reminding of it.  We’ve made so many mistakes along the way and right now it feels so hopeless.  Please touch our hearts.  Give us tenderness towards each other that’s never been there before.  Its day 11 of our sex fast and things are starting to get more difficult.  Please use this fast for Your good.  Please help us to grow our relationship deeper into You and Your promises.  Help us to resist temptation; he smells and feels so good LORD!  Oh my!  I wasn’t expecting this, well, OK, maybe a little but not so soon.  LORD please help us to leave the lust-based relationship behind & pick up the deep-sweet-loving relationship I keep dreaming of LORD.  Please help me stop basing my self-worth on how he treats me and how he sees me and start placing it in YOUR hands.  Help us to refresh our young love and remember what we like about each other.  Help us TRULY start over, with You in the center of our relationship now.  Please help our hearts re-join and beat as one functioning heart.  I don’t know that they ever have LORD, but if not then I ask that You make it that way now.  Help us to always seek YOU first and to always look for ways and things that we can do for each other to build each other up.  Help us to see past our faults and move on together.  Please help us to MAKE TIME FOR ONE ANOTHER.”

I never said this would be easy my friends, (notice how many times I asked God for HELP in that prayer) but I am telling you that it IS worth it.  There were several times when I wanted to give up, not just on the fast but on my marriage as well!  But you know what, I got through this and so can you.  Just keep praying; and remind yourself:

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) – YOU CAN DO THIS!

God can and WILL give you the strength to endure this, just keep asking Him to help you, and He will.  He is blissfully faithful, even when we’re not.

Christian’s comments:

 

When Jesus speaks of marriage in Matthew 19:5, he says “…and the two shall become one flesh.” This is very fitting. God created Eve from Adam’s flesh; He created two from one flesh. He could have said, “The one flesh shall become two.” He may have even been thinking that when He took Adam’s rib.  When we marry, we rejoin what was separated. We take the one flesh that became two, and God joins the two back into one.

Wives, if you are struggling with this like Tamar was, be honest with your husband and ask him to pray with you, and for you. I had no idea that Tamar was having that much difficulty with it. If she had asked, I would have been more than happy to pray with her.

The same goes for you, husbands. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. It takes a strong man to ask for help. If you are struggling with this, ask your wife for prayers. Go to God too. Psalm 50:15a says: Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you.

Categories: 3 John, Obadiah, Season 3, True Intimacy, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Leave a comment

Day 10: Finished

Posted on February 27, 2015 by Tamar


Numbers 35:9-36:13

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.

For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear: Forget your people and your father’s house; then the King will desire your beauty.  Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him.  … The King’s daughter is all glorious within; her clothing is interwoven with gold. Psalm 45:10, 11 & 13

 

I think that it is just in womanly nature to want to be seen as beautiful.  Don’t you think?  Ahhhhh, but to be seen as “all glorious within“, now THAT’S beauty!  A beauty that makes the KING desire us.  You see, Jesus sees us, sinful and broken, and beautiful just the way that we are.

The other day my 3-year old daughter was quiet, a little too quiet if you know what I mean.  When I found her, she was covered from head to toe in marker and was so proud of herself.  As I was cleaning her off I told her “Honey, God made your skin beautiful just the way it is.  It doesn’t need any decoration.”  As soon as the words were out of my mouth it was like God tapped me on the shoulder and put it all into perspective for me.  When God sees me putting on my make-up and nail polish He sees His daughter coloring on herself with “markers”.  I realized that a lot of times we see our bodies as a blank canvas.  But God sees them as a finished masterpiece, a true work of art; worthy of protecting and cherishing, with no need of further ornamentation.

Pascal once said “Man is so made that if he is told often enough that he is a fool he believes it.”4 As women, when we are told a hundred times a day by our commercials, that we’re not young enough: “here THIS makeup will make those wrinkles disappear”.  We’re not skinny enough: “buy this weight loss program and shed those holiday pounds”.  We’re not pretty enough: “buy this hair color – you’re worth it”.  All day long we hear the ways that we’re not enough this or enough that.  After awhile we start to believe it!  Then, when our husband comes home and tells us he’d like to have sex, we don’t feel good about ourselves and IF they’re lucky enough to get lucky, many times it’ll be with the lights off.  We have got to GET OVER IT!  We’ve got to stop listening to the advertisements and start listening to our husbands!  Listen to GOD!  Our real beauty lies in how HE sees us anyway.

For example: One weekend, while camping in Brown County State Park in Indiana I had been continually amazed by the scenic vistas.  All weekend long I desperately wanted to see a spectacular sunset that would color and tint the whole sky above an endless span of tree tops, rolling hills and valleys filled with trees while comfortably seated next to my wonderful husband.  *Romantic sigh*  It would’ve been amazing.  But, alas, the whole weekend I did not get to see that sunset.  However, as we were driving home on Sunday evening the sun began to set, and as it did the sky began to light with bright reds and blues and the clouds turned purple.  It was magnificent!  And although it wasn’t as impressive over the Indy skyline as it would have been over one of those vistas, I WAS sitting next to my wonderful husband watching the sunset after a great weekend together.  And then the beauty of it all hit me.  God still gave me my sunset!  And then I heard His voice, the one I love so much.  “I think YOU, Beloved, are more beautiful than anything you’ve seen this weekend.”  I, of course, started crying.  MORE beautiful than the most beautiful landscape I’ve ever seen?  Me?  “Yes my Beloved, you all are; My precious creations.”  Tears welled up in my eyes and a sob choked in my throat as I stared over my husband’s shoulder into the beautiful purple and blue fading sunset.  “Wow!  More beautiful than that?”  What better words can a very self-conscious woman hear than, “more beautiful than the most beautiful landscape or sunset you’ve ever seen!”  And YOU ARE too!  You are THE most beautiful piece in God’s creation collection.

In 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 Paul writes about his struggles and imperfections, so to speak.  Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me – to keep me from exalting myself!  Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.  And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. Paul sums it up perfectly doesn’t he?  It is through our weaknesses that God’s power is perfected!  Our strengths are our strengths and we very easily get caught giving ourselves credit for them.  But our weakness, now that’s a different story isn’t it!  It is through our weaknesses that God’s power working through us is the MOST evident!  Think about it, God chose a man with a stammer to be His spokesperson to all of Israel during the Exodus!  He chose a regular old girl to be the mother of Jesus Himself!  There was nothing impressive or special about her, she wasn’t even rich or anything!  The only thing it really says about Mary is that she was “Highly favored” by God and willing to be used by Him.  God takes ordinary people and does extraordinary things with them, through their weaknesses and willingness!

God is not all tied up about how perfect we already are, what He cares about the most is our imperfections, and how He can redeem them.  Take an opal for example.  I’ve always enjoyed the way that the rainbow sparkles through them; and I was amazed at what I found when I researched them a bit.  Opals are mainly made from silica, which is round in form.  As an opal is created over hundreds of years the little silica balls line up next to each other.  Since they’re round they can’t line up perfectly which creates gaps or “imperfections” between them.  When the light shines through these imperfections it creates that “fire”, or rainbow sparkle, in the opals like a prism.  The red color in an opal is created by the light reflecting through the largest imperfections in the silica formations. The funny thing is, the more red there is in an opal the more it is worth.  So in other words, the way opals are valued is by their imperfections rather than their perfection.  You see, to God, our value lies in our imperfections because it’s through our imperfection that His light shines through us and glitters like a rainbow!  Those things in our lives that the devil meant for harm, God rejoices over us when we repent of them and then uses them for His good purposes!  God works in you, and in doing so He makes you shine and glitter like the priceless jewel that you are; His most precious family jewel, His work of heart.

Christian’s comments:

 

Your wife is beautiful! I wouldn’t know personally, but if she wasn’t beautiful to you, I’m guessing you wouldn’t have married her.

Husbands, look at your wife. Go ahead, look away from this screen for a minute and look at her. I look at mine all the time. Look at her “imperfections”. They are what make her unique. Think back to Tamar’s example of the opal; the bigger the “imperfections”, the more valuable the stone. Another example is coins. If a coin is stamped incorrectly, its “imperfection” makes it more valuable.

You guys need to tell your wives that they are beautiful. Let them know that they are the beautiful jewels that they are. Tamar doesn’t wear makeup anymore. I think she is more beautiful without it and make it a point to tell her so every chance I get. You guys need to do the same (not my wife, but yours). Do it when she is at her most vulnerable, when she’s naked. It is when she’s naked, that all of her “imperfections” are on display. That’s when she needs to hear that you think she is “perfect”.

 

 

Categories: 365 Life, Numbers, Season 3, True Intimacy, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Leave a comment

Day 5: Memorize

Posted on February 22, 2015 by Tamar


Numbers 19:1-21:35

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.

For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

____________________________-

I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27

 

For today, there is no reading other than your Bible.  Take the time you would normally spend reading and spend it instead, memorizing the word of God.  For today we recommend you look up (in your favorite translation) 1 Corinthians 9:27, write it on a note card or sticky note and then say it out loud 7 times or until you can say it from memory.  For me, I learn better by saying them as I write them several times.  We also recommend that you memorize the “address” (1 Corinthians 9:27) as well, so that in the future you can look it up easily or refer other people to it quickly.

Now when (notice I did not say “if”) you are tempted, if at all possible, say this verse out loud.  This is important.  In those moments of temptations, if you are able to roll these words right off your tongue it will make Temptation flee!  Really.  You’ll see.

Categories: 365 Life, Numbers, Season 3, True Intimacy | Leave a comment

Day 4: Fast

Posted on February 20, 2015 by Tamar


Numbers 15:22-18:32

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.

For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

Then Joshua said to the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.”  Joshua 3:5

 

OK, so if you’re still reading today you’ve decided to see this thing out the whole way.  You’ve decided to join us on our journey and sex fast with us.  I’m telling you, this is very powerful stuff, not for the faint of heart.  However, you WILL NOT REGRET THIS!  Christian was reluctantly compliant in our first and second sex fast (yes, believe it or not, we’ve done this more than once) and close to the end of the second fast he told me, “We should really do this again sometime”.  Taking sex out of your relationship changes it, dramatically.  I’m going to be honest with you, fasting is difficult.  You will fight, you will cry, you will be frustrated and you will be angry; and so you will pray, you will read (I suggest the Bible along with this blog), and you will seek God like never before.  This is why I wish I could be there with you, to encourage you to keep going.  You CAN survive this storm and your marriage WILL be so much better for it in the end.  “Fasting is the most sacred, most serious, most sacrificial way to present ourselves in total devotion to the Lord.  Fasting helps us relinquish our will to God.  By abstaining from food [or sex], humbling our souls, and setting worldly matters aside in an act of worship, we can please God beyond compare.”2

God cares more about our motives than our actions.  Therefore, we fast as an act of thanks for the second chance He has given us, and as atonement for the sexually immoral acts that we have committed in the past.  This is not something to take lightly my friend; you are entering into a serious commitment, one that will have a major impact on your life, a very positive one if you’re willing to do it for the right reasons.  Here are the rules of the road, they’re pretty simple and there are only two.

1) Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting.  Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.  But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.  (Matthew 6:16-18) In other words, don’t make a big deal about the fast to everyone you see.  In fact, don’t tell anyone, it’s to be done in “secret”.  We committed our sexually immoral acts in secret and God saw them; similarly redeem them in secret as well.  God will see it and reward you for it.  So far in my experience I’ve had a rule of 2 for my fasting.  Both times God has given me 2 other people to share my secret.  I have asked those people to pray for me and my husband that we may be successful in our fast, and that we will grow closer to God and each other because of it.  Other than those 2 people, to everyone else it’s business as usual, no matter what, no complaining, grumbling or twisting your face to show disapproval.  Remember, God sees what is done in secret, both the bad and the good.  Trust me, this IS worth it.

2) This fast includes ALL SEXUAL ACTIVITY OF ANY KIND.  We’re not just talking about strictly sex here.  We’re talking no sex, no touching each other (except for hugs and 10 second kisses), and no touching yourself! NOTHING FOR 30 DAYS!  It was through complete abstinence that we grew so much during that time.  Plus, in a way, it was resetting our bodies back to the “manufacturer’s settings” so to speak.  Seriously, if you do not take my word for this particular part of the fast you will not gain as much from the experience.  Trust me on this one!

To help you through this I suggest memorizing some scriptures.  They are extremely wise and really do help in those moments of weakness.  Two of my favorites for this are:
1 Corinthians 9:27 and Romans 6:14.  Both of these verses appealed to me because of the idea of being the master of my body.  There were moments of temptation, many of them.  And in those moments I could not allow my body the luxury of indulgence; I had to “beat” it instead.  I would say to myself, “No body, you are NOT in control and you will not get your way this time!”  That’s the true meaning of “SELF” control.  Your body is NOT the master of you!  You are the master of your body; do not allow your body to be the one in control!

A couple quick notes before I hand the laptop over to Christian. Wives, before day 30 arrives make sure to buy a new white bra and panties and if money isn’t too tight, a beautiful white satin nightgown.  I’ll explain more about this later, but for now, start looking for some beautiful new underwear or jammies… or BOTH!

Christian’s comments:

 

All right! You guys are on board, so let’s DO THIS THING! Husbands! You may not be too thrilled by this, but you just need to suck it up! Oh wait poor choice of words there. You can handle it! No, that’s not right either. It’s going to be hard, scratch that, difficult, but you will manage.  Seriously, though, you will get through this. You have to follow the rules though.

Number one: No whining, complaining, moaning, groaning, or any other form of grumbling allowed. Don’t say anything to the guys at work. No “The old lady says” comments to your buddies that you play sports with. No “Old ball and chain” remarks to the guys in the garage (if you’re a gear-head like me). Tell no one! Just live your life like nothing is different. However, don’t be surprised if they mention how they see or notice a difference in you.

Number two: No sexual activity of any kind! You will be tempted to, ahem, “take matters into your own hands”. Fight that temptation. Learn the scriptures that Tamar mentioned above. Recite them whenever you are tempted. There is an old joke that 90% of men admit to masturbating, the other 10% are liars. If you masturbate, you will be greatly tempted. One tip: Don’t think about getting through the 30 days all together, you will likely fail. Instead, get through one day at a time. If that’s too long, just get through one hour at a time. That’s how addicts beat their addictions. If they think about going the rest of their life without whatever they are addicted to (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, etc.), they will fail almost every time. So they break it down into shorter time intervals, usually hours. That’s how I beat my addiction to chewing tobacco. I would think, “I can make it through this hour without it.” Then think the same thing the next hour.

Another tip: Remove any sexually suggestive material from your house and workplace. Any movies, pictures, magazines, etc. They don’t necessarily have to be pornographic either. Like I stated earlier, they could be something as simple as a movie with scantily clad women, or even your wife’s Cosmo magazines. I still struggle with the temptations of pornography and masturbation. Having fewer things to tempt me, made the fast much easier to get through. It also helps after the fast is over.

Categories: 365 Life, Numbers, Season 3, True Intimacy | Leave a comment

Day 3: Return

Posted on February 19, 2015 by Tamar


Numbers 12:1-15:21

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.

For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord.  Luke 1:45

 

Blessed is she who believed.  Do YOU believe that God can heal your marriage?  I believed; and it totally changed the course of my entire life.  God’s plans for us are so much bigger and better than our own plans.  HE knows the future, we don’t.  Trust Him.  He is faithful to His word.  When you obey Him, He blesses you.  Sometimes more than you can bear.  So I hope you’re ready for this!

I would like to share a letter to God that I wrote in the beginning of this journey.

“Lord, my heart is so broken right now.  I am so consumed with Christian and his neglect of his duties to us.  I don’t understand what you want me to do.  I know that you don’t want divorce because I have a blood covenant with him, but he hurts my feelings so much.  I feel like he’s sucking the spirit from me.  Yet I love him so desperately.  I can’t REALLY leave him.  You’re not really telling me to leave the husband of my youth are you?  Surely not.  What you have joined together let no man tear asunder right?

Lord, I need an undivided heart, one where BOTH halves are pumping and functioning together as one.  PLEASE help us become one again.  And not just for a short time but for forever.  Please please please don’t let it come to this again!  Please Lord, I’m begging you; heal us back together again so that we are one functioning heart again.  Let the two become one and stay that way!”

Reading that letter again I remember the pain and grief that I felt over how our relationship was fairing.  Yet, it makes me happy to read it, because it shows me just how far we’ve truly come; how far God has brought us on the path of healing.  In response to this letter do you know what God told me?  Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; (Acts 3:19) He gave me my answer.  Repent, turn to God, and times of refreshing WOULD come.  Not maybe they’d get here, they WOULD come.  I had already repented of my sin of pre-marital sex and I believe God had forgiven me for it.  But I hadn’t forgiven myself, and I certainly hadn’t forgiven Christian for taking my virginity before it was time to take it.  Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t rape me, if I had told him “no” he would NOT have had sex with me.

I’ll never forget that moment of decision as long as I live!  We were lying there completely naked together, Christian over me asking “What do you think?”  And I heard God’s desperate plea in my right ear say: “Baby, don’t do this!”  But the tempter was right there too, in my left ear, “Oh, it’s no big deal, you’re going to marry each other at some point anyway so what difference does it make if you do it now or later?  It’s all the same.  Go ahead.  Do it.”  And just like Eve, I believed his LIE!  So instead of saying “no”, I said “yes”.  And that moment, the moment I said “yes” instead of “no”, changed everything.  That moment of disobedience turned my world upside down.

So, back in the present day, what’s a girl to do?!?  I felt like I needed to talk to Christian and in the least, request an apology from him.  But as I was preparing for my “talk” with him I did a lot of praying and scripture searching.  I felt that we needed to do more than just ask for forgiveness, we needed to DO something.  “God guide me!” I said.  He immediately made my eyes fall on Ezekiel 33:14-16.  But when I say to the wicked, “You will surely die,” and he turns from his sin and practices justice and righteousness, if a wicked man restores a pledge, pays back what he has taken by robbery, walks by the statutes which ensure life without committing iniquity, he shall surely live; he shall not die.  None of his sins that he has committed will be remembered against him.  He has practiced justice and righteousness; he shall surely live.

God gave me the steps to take.  1) Repent of our sin of sexual immorality by asking for forgiveness from God, each other, and ourselves.  2) Do what is right and restore what has been taken, therefore making restitution.  3) Sin no more.  Once we’ve done those three things NONE of our sins will be held against us anymore!  We will be free!  “OK”, I thought.  “I can do that!  Ummm, but Lord, how can I pay You back?  How can Christian return what he stole from me?  I mean… A hymen’s not really something that grows back ya know.”  That’s when the idea of fasting came to mind.  How can you give back sex?  Stop having it!  Not forever obviously, just for a time.  In 1 Corinthians 7:5 Paul writes: Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. He was telling his followers in the church of Corinth that they should not withhold sex from their spouses except to grow closer to God, and only for a specific period of time so that the enemy would not tempt them to commit sexual immorality.  All of this seemed to fit perfectly for our situation.  I needed to repent and return the things that I had stolen and I needed to do that by abstaining from sexual relations with my husband for 30 days (which is the traditional length of a mourning period, fitting I thought).  I knew that Christian would not be happy about it, but I also knew that I would give him no choice.  And he’s a great man; I knew he wouldn’t force me.

Christian’s comments:

 

Christian was not happy, not happy at all. No sex for 30 days! We weren’t having sex all that often, but 30 days? That’s like a month!

Yeah, I wasn’t happy and I didn’t really understand either. But it was important to Tamar, so it was important to me.

As was stated in chapter one, as well as here, I wasn’t a great husband. No, I wasn’t a good husband, or father. I’d stay out late, working on demolition derby cars at one of my friends’ shops. I would only begrudgingly come home if Tamar had something to go to. It wasn’t that I didn’t love Tamar, but to me, everything I had going on was more important that anything she had going on. Little did I know, that’s what was tearing us apart.

The fast came along about the same time that I began to realize that I was a major problem in our marriage (after the pre-marital sex, multiple partners, masturbation, and porn of course). So I thought, “Hey, if this will help us to get closer, I’m in.” Boy howdy! Have we ever gotten closer (Wink wink, nudge nudge). Things aren’t perfect, but they are much better, and getting better every day.

Categories: 365 Life, Numbers, Season 3, True Intimacy | Leave a comment

Day 2: Shadows

Posted on February 18, 2015 by Tamar


Numbers 9:1-11:35

The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.


For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.

For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, and He watches all his paths.  His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin.  He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray. Proverbs 5:21-23

In this proverb it talks about how our sins capture us, tying us up in cords.  Our lack of knowledge will lead us astray and cause us to make mistakes.  Our sins have enormous impact on our lives, especially when it’s not immediately evident. 

Take Adam and Eve for example.  In the Garden of Eden, God had originally commanded Adam: “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil for when you eat of it you will surely die.” (Genesis 2:16-17)  Then, later, in Genesis 3: 4 Eve has a conversation with a talking snake where he tells her that she will not “surely die”.  And she believed him!  She took the fruit… ate it… HEY!  No death!  Well, huh, no immediately evident death anyway.  There was immediate death alright.  The death of innocence, and the birth of guilt, shame and sorrow.  That is what disobedience (sin) will do; it immediately births guilt and shame and sorrow; all things that God never wants you to live with.

Have you ever spent time just looking at a shadow?  I mean really watching it?  Everything casts a shadow, even glass.  Old sins, those things we did when we were younger, those things cast shadows too.  Each sin that goes un-repented is like a brick in the blessing blockade.  The bigger the blockade the bigger the shadow it casts.  At “high noon” when the sin took place, the shadow was small and barely noticeable (ie. “I was just sowing my wild oats.”)  However, the longer the sin stays in your heart the bigger, longer, and farther reaching its shadow becomes.  Someday, if you sit and observe the shadows outside, as time passes you’ll notice that the shadows get longer and begin to creep over other objects in their path.  They begin to block out the light from the Son to those other things.  That is what past sins from your life can and will do.  The longer those sins stay locked up in the closet of your mind the bigger and farther reaching their shadows become.  Eventually, they start creeping and covering other aspects of your life; blocking God’s light from touching them.  I can’t speak for you my friend, however I know that I had old sins, and they were casting very long shadows.  Those shadows were covering our marriage and blocking God’s loving grace from shining down on us.  They were blocking out the light of my husband’s love for me, and they were blocking my love from truly reaching my children.  These old sins, the ones that I’d shoved down into a teeny tiny box in the farthest corner of the back closet of my mind; they were the ones that were causing me so much grief.  Sometimes the only way to fix a current situation is to go back to the beginning.  Rewind time so to speak and fix the root of the problem and not just the symptom of it.  For us, the root of the problem was our pre-marital sexual experiences: pre-marital sex, emotional adultery, and porn/masturbation/self-pleasuring (we’ll go more into depth on each of these later).  These activities performed both before our wedding vows and after, could have ruined our marriage if they had continued to grow and “shadow” over other things.  However, through the power of Christ, we are not only forgiven of the sins that we committed, against Him, ourselves, and each other, we were also freed from the “cords that ensnared us” and our sexual blessing blockade tumbled down! 

One morning, early on in the writing process for this book, God gave me a very sobering and heartbreaking vision, one I’ll not soon forget.  We were standing high on a cliff looking down on a large town.  As I looked down onto this sleeping town it was like Earth had turned into hell.  Almost every house was black, charred as if it had burned somewhat.  Between the houses, rivers of lava flowed in the streets.  The cries coming from these houses were mournful and desperate.  But the cries weren’t from human lips; they were being made by human souls.  Every living soul in every charred house was crying, mourning.  God turned to me and said, “This is what sexual sin does to you.  It brings hell to Earth.”  As I’m writing this I just want to sob.  My soul cries out, not for myself (at least not anymore) but for every living thing in those houses.  Because I remember what it was like inside my house before God came in and remodeled it.  My house was burned to a crisp!  My sexual sin and my husband’s were burning our house down.  It was tearing us apart.  The stress in our home was palpable.  My husband was never home, I was miserable, my children were unhappy, life was filled with tears. 

Is your soul in torment?  In the Garden of Eden, after they had eaten the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve hid from God.  Are you hiding from God?  Out of guilt, or grief, or shame?  God knows where you are and He has come to you, in your place of hiding.  He is standing next to you with His outstretched hand hoping that you will take it, stand back up, and follow Him.  He loves you no matter what your condition and no matter what you’ve done.  Really, no matter WHAT you’ve done.  There is nothing under the sun that you have done that God hasn’t seen done before and isn’t willing to forgive.  There is NOTHING you could ever do to make Him stop loving you, not even for a second.  Nothing.  Period! 

Christian’s comments:

Have you ever gotten a splinter in your finger and not been able to get it out? If left too long, the splinter will irritate you more and more. It will eventually get infected and swollen. It will start to affect your daily life. If left long enough, the infection could get bad enough that your finger would need to be amputated. Or worse, the infection could spread and your whole hand could be lost. Obviously, I’m being dramatic. I’ve never known anyone that left a splinter in their finger long enough for that to happen. I did hear about a guy with one in his foot, but that’s a story for a different time (and book).  Anyway…

An old sin is like the splinter. The longer you hold onto that sin, the more it affects you. Everything reminds you of it. People, places, things people say. Eventually, you can’t stop thinking about it and it really starts to affect your life.

As you may have guessed, I’m the one that had pre-marital sex with other people; two girls in college to be exact. We have come to agree that if Tamar and I had not had sex when we did, I don’t think I would have had sex with those two other girls. After Tamar and I had “done it”, I realized what I was missing. I think I may be getting ahead of myself, let’s do a little history.

 It all started when I was in jr. high. That’s when I started masturbating. Shortly after I took up masturbation, I started looking at pornography. (I learned later that God considers it adultery to look lustfully, and masturbate to, other women.) After a while, the porn became a tool for masturbation. (I’m using the word “porn” very broadly. I didn’t necessarily look at magazines full of naked people; I would also look at scantily clad people in Cosmo, or catalogs, or on the internet. I would even just read about people having sex. To me, porn is that broad of a subject. To this day, I still have to guard myself against looking at magazines and catalogs. Some of the images in them can bring some of those temptations back to the surface. The enemy will use all the tools at his disposal to get you to slip and fall.)

All of this finally built to a crescendo, the porn and masturbation weren’t enough.  I “needed” physical satisfaction from someone else. Tamar was several hours away, so I found someone at school to get that satisfaction. Afterwards, it all started tearing me up inside. I started suffering from depression. I didn’t want to spend time with my family, friends, or anybody. I’d just sit and watch TV and wonder why my life was falling down around me.  Because of this fast, I found out why. Keep reading, and you will too.

Categories: 365 Life, Numbers, Season 3, True Intimacy | Leave a comment

Introduction & Disclaimer

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Tamar

Our journey into ministry started when my husband and I wrote our first book, True Intimacy, together. It’s all about God, sex and marriage. We started with one of the toughest topics, everything since then has been CAKE! If you’re married I highly suggest reading these, if nothing else they’re a great refresher course. Which is why I believe God has instructed me to make this a yearly thing for www.TamarKnochel.com. to be posting the daily devotionals from our book True Intimacy.

May God bless your marriage RICHLY!!!!!


Numbers 1:1-3:39

Introduction to True Intimacy

In 2009 my husband and I set out on a journey to freedom; hopped onto the spiritual Underground Railroad so to speak. We had been married for nine years at that point and loved each other desperately… but we had issues; issues that just weren’t going away with time. I had prayed for years that God would “fix him” until one day something clicked for me. The things we’ve done in the past can follow us to our present and ruin our future! It was then that I realized I had to go back, open up things from our past that needed dealt with and, well, deal with them. Now, I’ve been a “goody-two-shoes” Christian girl my entire life. I didn’t have a lot of skeletons in my closet… but I did have some, and they needed to come out! The biggest and most important skeleton was the skeleton of pre-marital sex.

Pre-marital sex is extremely common these days, especially considering that some people aren’t even bothering to get married and are just living together instead. But just because everyone else is doing it (literally) doesn’t make it healthy or right. It just means there are that many more people calling curses down upon themselves and their love lives! I know that in this day and age when we think/hear about curses the first thing we think about is Harry Potter and magic wands and such. So when we hear that having sex outside of marriage (AKA. sexual immorality) brings a curse on our sex lives, it sounds absolutely ridiculous or absurd to most people. But the truth is that is precisely what happens! Until I really started digging deeply into the word of God, I didn’t understand what a curse even was. So indulge me for a brief moment as I expound what I’ve learned.

A curse is the opposite of a blessing. According to my gigantic Webster’s Dictionary, a curse is: “*the expression of a wish that misfortune, evil, doom, etc. befall another. *a formula or charm intended to cause such misfortune to another. *an evil that has been invoked upon one. *the cause of evil, misfortune or trouble.” So while a curse is something someone can speak, it is also something that is the cause of misfortune or trouble.

In Deuteronomy 28 God explains the difference between blessings and curses. He spends 11 verses explaining how “If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all His commands I give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these (11 verses worth of) blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:” (v.1-2) He then takes the rest of the chapter (almost 3 pages long in my Bible) to explain curses, what they look like and how they exhibit themselves. A few examples are: confusion, drought, disease, defeat, fever & inflammation, incurable boils, tumors, festering sores & itching, mildew, unsuccessful in everything you do, oppression, robbery, fiancé raped, work hard but never enjoy the fruits of your labor, debt, a foreign nation will strike out against your homeland, paychecks disappear before your eyes, sacrificing children and spouse well-being for your own selfish desires, no rest for the weary, anxious mind, eyes weary with longing, despairing heart, live in constant suspense, filled with dread day and night never sure of your life, “In the morning you will say, ‘If only it were evening!’ and in the evening, ‘If only it were morning!” (v. 67)

YIKES! And you see, the thing about living as a Christian is that it is possible to be blessed beyond the curse in one or even most areas of our lives and still be living under the curse in others. That is precisely what was happening in our marriage. We were living as believers under a heavy and oppressive curse, several of them. But God is an amazing God, abounding in love and mercy and goodness! You see, He heard my cries for help and He answered me and told me great and unsearchable things. Things that I did not know! (Jer 33:3) On July 14th 2009 God gave me a key. And Oh! What a key it is! Because this key unlocks curses! It unlocks the padlock of oppression that is keeping millions of people all over the world captive in satan’s jail. Heh, heh, heh, and I – the daughter of the living God Most High – have this key and I know how to use it! I know I have something precious and very important, and it wouldn’t be right of me to keep it to myself! So here I am to share it with all of you! Are you ready to hear what the key is that the Enemy has tried so desperately to keep a secret? SEX! … and not having it. Yup. It’s as simple as that! Read on my friend, you’ll see.

Disclaimer

This is not an ordinary book you hold in your hands. It is not a daily devotional, and yet, it kind of is. It is not a self-help book, and yet in a way it kind of is. It is not a journal, and yet it kind of is. Yes, this book is many things, but most of all, this book is a journey. It’s a step-by-step road map that we followed, sometimes despite confusion or frustration. It’s a path that led us to Jesus and a relationship with each other that we never could have imagined was possible. And it wasn’t possible, without Him. There will be things in this book that may sound silly or make no sense at the time that we ask them of you… but… know that the blessing that you will reap from doing them can and will be more profound and farther reaching than you ever imagined. So, for the next thirty four days, please commit yourself to reading daily and to “taking action” and you will not be sorry. You could read and not commit to take action; but don’t expect a full blessing if you don’t put in your full effort. As your tour guides on this journey we pray that you step onto this path with an open mind and an open heart, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you to a closer relationship with Him and each other. May God bless you with His presence in each passing hour until we know Him fully.

– S. Christian & Tamar Knochel

Categories: 365 Life, Luke, True Intimacy | Leave a comment

50 Shades of Grey AND True Intimacy

Posted on February 14, 2015 by Tamar


Nehemiah 12:1-13:31

“But our God turned the curse into a blessing” Nehemiah 13:2

About six years ago our marriage changed forever.

You see, we went through this phase where we loved each other, but… we didn’t really like each other that much anymore. My only job was to cook, clean and care for the family – and I was THRILLED with it! My days were extremely fulfilling, I was proud of how I was taking care of our budding family. My nights on the other hand, were anything BUT a scene from 50 Shades of Grey. Most nights I would put the kids to bed on my own and then watch TV or hang out on the computer writing. My husband was nowhere in sight, off hanging out with his buddies working on those derby cars they cherished more than their wives. There were many nights I would cry myself to sleep because I was so frustrated and lonely. This man I had spent the last seven years surviving hell with was suddenly gone. We had been through so much together, with only the two of us to go through it, and now here we were, “settled” and he was gone. I felt so extremely alone, and hurt, and kind of used.

Then there came a day when, through the direction of the Holy Spirit, I went to him and told him everything that had been on my heart. For the next 30 days we lived through the “rough draft” of our first book, True Intimacy.

We did everything that this book details before pen ever touched paper. We experienced God in a completely different way than we ever had before; we experienced Him together by coming apart… and then back together again.

This Valentine’s Day everyone seems to be buzzing about 50 Shades of Grey. I haven’t seen the movie OR read the book and therefore have no informed opinion on it. But from what I have seen in the reviews and the commercials, 50 Shades of Grey is an intense journey through the bedroom of this un-married couple who do… ahem, different things to one another in a sexual manner. Now, the fact that this couple is not married enrages me for a multitude of reasons. However, if they were married to each other, it becomes a story of GOD’s picture for marriage! YES! It really is!

Again, I haven’t read the book or watched the movie however; after spending a lifetime studying the Bible and how God feels about sex and marriage, I am 100% confident in telling you that God WANTS you to enjoy sex with your spouse! God created sex. God created marriage. He put Adam and Eve together and said, “Go populate the rest of the world!” Hello! If that doesn’t mean go have LOTS of sex and enjoy each other while doing it, I don’t know what does!

There was a day when I was praying about sex and marriage and asking God about it and He told me, “I created marriage so that you could do whatever your filthy little minds came up with to do.” God KNOWS that humanity is going to come up with some pretty “weird” stuff to do to each other when we’ve been married for YEARS and we want to “spice it up a notch”. And as long as you’re keeping it all between the two of you, man and wife, and both of you are comfortable with what’s being done, GO FOR IT!!!! God created you. He created your bodies and your marriage and everything that that entails. He wants you to enjoy each other completely! Why else would He have included the Song of Solomon in the Bible where He says to the happy couple, “Eat friends, drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.” (5:1) Sweetie, He aint talkin’ ’bout no regular food and drink here! He’s talking about sex!!!

For the next few weeks I’ll be posting the chapters from our book True Intimacy! I encourage you to read them with your spouse and see what God taught us about marriage and how wonderful it can be. It is a challenge. To do everything the book suggests isn’t easy; however it is TOTALLY worth every difficult second! Our marriage has never been better and we praise God for bringing True Intimacy into our lives! We pray that God will use it in your lives to bring True Intimacy to your marriage too! God bless you!

Categories: 365 Life, Nehemiah, Season 3, True Intimacy | Leave a comment

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