The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.
For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.
God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day. Genesis 1:31
Humans were one of the things created on the sixth day. When God made humans He created them with procreation in mind. But more beautiful than that, He performed the very first wedding ceremony too! In Genesis 2:22-24 it tells us that
He brought her to the man (walked her down the aisle), the groom said “va va va vooom! I’ll take her! I DO!” and then God said the thing that has been repeated in almost every wedding ceremony since the beginning of time “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Now, *ahem*, “and they will become one flesh”; WHAT do you suppose THAT means? They’ve just gotten married, God has approved and finalized the union, and then mentions that they will become one flesh. Hmmmm….. Well, God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; and fill the earth, and subdue it. (Genesis 1:28a) Hee hee! You see, God isn’t afraid of sex. He created it, and He created it to be “very good”! “God saw ALL that He had made, and it was VERY GOOD.” Ya-know, since humans were included in that statement, I believe that means sex was also included in that statement. God created it all, including sex to be VERY GOOD, otherwise we all would’ve stopped having it a long time ago.
When you view your body as a living sacrifice and a gift to both God and your husband, sex with your husband can end up being an act of worship and praise to God if you let it. As part of this act of worship I recommend praying together before making love. It may seem a little strange or silly at first (considering we’ve never seen it on movies or TV), but think about it; we pray together at the dinner table before we satisfy our body’s hunger for food. Is it really that far of a stretch to pray together at the marriage bed before we satisfy our body’s hunger for sexual fulfillment? Personally I think taking a few moments to thank God for our true intimacy is just as important if not more so, than thanking Him for our food. Besides, in a few more moments you’ll probably be praising God for His “job well done” in making your husband’s body, and your union. Just make sure that you’re not worshiping the sex or your husband, but the true maker of them both, God Almighty. He created sex for our enjoyment, so have FUN with it. Don’t allow sex to be another item on your to-do list, let it be something you look forward to with anticipation. Let it be something special between you and your husband, something to get silly and giddy about. Honestly, in our marriage, sex has gone from an obligation to, well, we’re acting like newlyweds again. We’re playful with one another. We’re whispering to each other. We’re speaking in code to tell each other “I want you”. It’s a whole new world for us now! Our God is a creative God, be creative in your love-making. With that being said, I must throw in this precautionary verse as a consideration for you.
In 1 Corinthians 6:12, Paul informs the Corinthians that while everything is permissible for them, not everything is beneficial for them. Meaning, just because it’s not considered a sin for you to do something doesn’t mean that it’s not harmful for you to do it. And that’s the question you have to ask of the LORD, “Is this sexual act I’d like to do beneficial?” Something that God has spoken through me is that “He made marriage to allow us to do whatever our filthy little minds would come up with.” From what I’ve been able to find through all my research thus far; as long as it’s within the bounds of marriage (one woman and one man for life, legally bound by the state), it is permissible. Whether it is beneficial is between the two of you and God! Remember, you do not want to do anything that will harm your body, or cause you to sin against Him, or degrade each other. Your bodies are the temple of God, a living sacrifice, so you need to be respectful of that at all times; You do not want add a 3rd party or pornography to your love life. These, among a few other things, fall outside the bounds of “one woman and one man for life, legally bound by the state” and would (in my opinion) be a big mistake. When in doubt about something, ask God and possibly a doctor if need be. If you can’t get a clear answer, I’d recommend skipping it for now. In my opinion, it’s better to be safe than guilty and build more blessing blockades. Another aspect that you need to consider is if one of you is being degraded or disrespected by the sexual act in question? Let’s take oral sex for example. If my husband finds it disgusting and degrading, then it would be inconsiderate of me to ask him to do it all the time. However, if he chooses to do that for me, I receive that as a HUGE act of love and kindness since I know that it is something that he doesn’t really care for. You’ve got to be respectful of each other and your preferences.
Most of all, you need to be open with one another about these things! Have conversations about the things that you like and dislike things you’d like to try, and things that really turn you off. I’m telling you, these conversations can be QUITE eye-opening and very exciting. They will help you to be more open to each other’s ideas, and give you an opportunity to discuss things ahead of time so that when you’re actually in the process of being intimate with each other you can simply focus on one another.
As I prayed for a nice scripture to wrap up this book, God gave me Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Hee hee, that’s not the ONLY thing that He makes straight!!! May God bless your sex!
Well, you made it. It has been thirty days. Are you ready to have sex? Don’t be surprised if you answered “No”. You may not be ready to go “all the way” yet. You may need to take a couple of days to build up to it. Just take it slow and enjoy the experience.
If you are like me, you like your wife to come on to you. However, if she follows Tamar’s instructions, she won’t this time. You must lead her in this aspect of your marriage, just like you do in every other aspect of it. If you’re not sure about that, don’t worry, God will lead you. I suggest that you pray together before you get started.
The best advice that I can give you is: HAVE FUN! Enjoy each other. Marriage gives you leave to do most of the things your dirty mind can think of. Try new things. Try new positions. Try new locations! You don’t have to be restricted to the bedroom. Ask your wife if there is anything she wants to try. You will quite possibly be shocked and pleasantly surprised by what she says. I was!
Husbands, buy your wife some lingerie. Wives, wear it! And not just in the bedroom. Surprise your husband by wearing it out to dinner under your clothes. Or better yet, TO CHURCH! Meet him at the door when he gets home from work wearing it (just make sure the neighbors don’t see)!
Husbands, surprise your wife too. Buy yourself a sexy pair of shorts or a thong at the lingerie store and strut around the house for your wife (just make sure the kids are asleep, or at a friend’s house). Or jump in the shower with her. Or surprise her when she’s doing laundry. Washing machines can be fun!
Maybe try costumes if you have always wanted to; perhaps a French maid. What I’m getting at here is, now is the time to start living out your fantasies with each other. But remember to pace yourselves; you have a long life together ahead of you.
Most importantly of all, keep God involved. He created sex. He wants you to enjoy it. With Him involved, it will be a very spiritual experience.
Well, this brings us to the end. I pray that reading and following this book helps you as greatly as writing it helped us. I think all that’s left to be said is, God bless, and great sex.