Posts Tagged With: True Intimacy

Day 7: Princess

Posted on May 24, 2011 by Tamar

And on His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, “KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS”.  Revelation 19:16

God is the King, and not just any king; He is the King of all kings.  He is the Lord over all other lords.  He is the ruler of everyone and everything.  Boy it feels so good to say that!!!  You know why?  Because just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him.  In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will.  (Ephesians 1:4-5 emphasis mine)  WE are the siblings of Christ!  WE are the sons and daughters of God Almighty!  WE are in God’s royal family.  You are His daughter, His baby girl.  Now stay with me here, if God is THE King of kings and we are His children (Rom 8:14 & 16 and Gal 3:26-29), then we are princesses!

Oh, but wait, it gets even better!  As God’s children we receive royal benefits as well!  In Matthew 7: 9-11 it says what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he?  If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! If we love and cherish our own children and want to give them good things, then how much more does God our Father want to give good things to us!?!  He loves us so much more than we could ever comprehend; of course He wants good things for us!

1 John 3:1 tells of how God LAVISHES his love on us, His children.  When was the last time you had human love lavished on you?  How great was it?  Now think about all the times in your life you’ve felt really loved, all those times it was God using that person’s arms to hug you, their voice to encourage you and make you laugh.  But that’s not even the best part of being His child.  The best part is how it makes you valuable.  Here’s a little bit from one of my journal entries:

“Oh the changes He’s made!  I wonder if He lets us screw up when we’re young so that He can show off by fixing us as we get older.  I had no idea I was so broken.  I thought my worth was in my body and my sex appeal, no, not ALL my worth, but the majority of it.  Through this journey (of the sex fast and writing this book) I’ve discovered my TRUE worth and value and that I’ve been bought with an un-payable price.  I’m more than priceless, I’m Christ’s.  By attaching myself to HIM my value becomes more than who I am or what I do or wear.  It’s who I’m with.  I am the LORD’S and He is mine.  My value comes from Him and the fact that I am His child.  My children are priceless to me because they are mine.  I am priceless to Him because I am His child.  I have an “all access pass” because “I’m with Him”.  I’m with Christ!  With Christ, all things are possible; including turning a stay at home mom into a princess and a mechanic into a prince charming; completely sweeping me off my feet, in every sense of the word.  Thank you Lord!  Praise be to You alone!  You did all this.  Thank you for being in the heart-changing business!”

Christian’s comments:

Husband, your wife is a daughter of God. God is THE King of kings. So that makes your wife a princess and she should be treated as such. If you start treating her as a princess, she is most likely to reciprocate that back to you. If you want to be treated as royalty, you first need to treat her as royalty.

A side note to the wives. Your confidence in yourself is one of the most appealing aspects about you. If you show off your confidence and royalty (remember not stuck up and snotty, precious royalty), your husband will have no problems treating you as royalty.

Tamar used to wear somewhat baggy clothes to kind of hide her curves. Recently, since our first fast, she has started wearing clothes that fit her well. They show off her curves (which are very sexy) without being revealing. She has confidence in herself so she doesn’t feel like she needs to hide anymore. And believe me, I complement her every chance I get.

Categories: The Crazy Mom Blog | Tags: , , , , ,

Day 6: Call Me

Posted on May 23, 2011 by Tamar

“Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”  Jeremiah 33:3

Call to Me and I will answer you.  You know, when you think about it, that is a really remarkable thing!  The creator of the UNIVERSE is promising that if you call to Him, He WILL answer you!  Oh, but wait, there’s MORE!  He’s not just promising to answer you, Oh no, He is also promising that if you call NOW, you’ll not only receive an answer, but He’ll throw in – at no extra cost – great AND mighty things, which you do not know.  So ACT NOW AND CALL!  But don’t call on just anyone, no, call on the One who REALLY cares for you.

It was through calling to God and learning as much as I possibly could about HIM, that I found the love I’d been longing for my whole life.  You see, according to 1 John 4:8 God is the definition of love.  I have discovered that until I really knew that love, His love, I couldn’t really give that love.   You simply can’t give what you don’t have.  I learned that I needed to fall in love with God first.  When I fell in love with God – something amazing happened – I began to fall even deeper in love with Christian!  And that, has transformed us both.  Psalm 147:3 says “[The Lord] heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.” HE healed our broken hearts and HE healed our marriage.  And if HE can do that for us then HE can heal you too.  HE can; no one else.  Jesus is the ONLY way.

You see, Jesus is the only way to the Father, and in my opinion the only real way to solve ANYTHING that you are facing in life as well.  Jesus tells us in John 10:10 that He has come so that we may have a super-abundant life.  Jesus didn’t come so that we could just simply survive here on earth and then live in heaven with Him.  No!  Jesus came so that we could surpass surviving and LIVE our lives with a FULLNESS that we can only achieve through His power.  “How do I do that?” you ask?  You call to Him.  Life is filled with hardship, it just is.  And when I’m going through a really hard time, I know that God is there, waiting to help me.  Even if it doesn’t always feel like it, He’s there; with His arms open wide, ready to hold me.  Love me.  Comfort me.  He’s there; ready to listen to everything I have to say.  He’s there; ready to catch all my frustrations when I throw them His way.  He’s God, He can handle them.  I… can’t.  In those times when I just can’t take it anymore He reminds me WHOSE I really am.  I am HIS CHILD, His Precious Baby Girl.  When my own baby girl is hurt or sad, I rush to comfort her, to soothe her, to make the hurt go away.  When she was tiny I used to marvel at how I could sit with her on my lap and if she tucked her knees up close to her chest I could wrap my arms around her and lean over her in a way that my body would completely cover her, protecting her, taking away the hurt.  For a child there is little more soothing than climbing into a parent’s lap and being wrapped up in their loving embrace.

Last night God woke me up in the stillness of the night to give me some extra TLC during a particularly difficult week.  I followed His lead out to our living room where I wrapped up in a blanket and sat down in our big comfy red recliner.  As I sat there with my feet tucked up under the blanket warm & cozy & still, I realized what God had done.  Amidst this amazingly challenging and difficult time, He drew me away from all the noise and chaos, into the stillness and quiet of the night to spend some time on His lap (symbolized by the chair) wrapped up in His loving arms (symbolized by the blanket) to just snuggle and talk.  I sure do love my Daddy!  I can’t begin to explain to you how delicious it was to come to Him, curl up in His lap and relax with my head against His chest.  Casting myself and all my burdens at Him knowing full well that in that moment He was tenderly holding me in His arms and cooing to me “Oh my Beloved, all is well, tell me about it.”  He soothed me, and rocked away all the pain, and worry, and anger, and whatever else was bothering me.  I called to Him and told Him all about it, and He took it ALL away.  (Not necessarily the situation as much as my emotions and feelings about the situation.)  And when I was done spilling my guts to Him, I felt like a completely different person… because I was!

So, now the question is, do you believe that He’s there for you? Listening to you?  Are you willing to crawl up into His lap, snuggle into His chest, and let Him completely encircle you with His arms?  If you are, while you’re up there, you’ll be close enough to hear His heartbeat, and touch His face.  Then, in that moment, you will really be resting in the Lord and placing your faith in Him to do the things that He has promised to do.  Then, you will truly know that He is real.

Today, make some time, I recommend a lot of it, to crawl into YOUR Father’s lap.  Find a quiet private spot, preferably with a big comfy chair and a warm blanket, to pour your worries out at His feet like a drink offering onto the ground never to be returned to you.  We all have problems; more numerous than we can count. So, start by telling Him all about them!  Pour your heart out to Him, tell Him what hurts and why.  Let Him pour out His soothing balm onto your soul, let Him heal your broken heart and mend your aching Spirit.  Cry out to Him and let Him tell you great and mighty things!  When you reach out to Him and truly trust Him completely, you will soar on eagles’ wings.  You’ll start to see His face all around you; and experience the thrill of miracles, real miracles, in your life.  Trust God, who better to lean on and give you rest than the comforter and creator of love Himself.  Find rest in His arms, there is such a peace there because He is love… and all that love can be directed straight at YOU.

Christian’s comments:

In Jeremiah 33:3 God promises that when we call to Him, He will answer us.  He does not, however, promise that the answer will be immediate, or that it will be “yes”, but He promises to answer.  And He does, every time, with the answer that we need; not necessarily the answer that we want.  Sometimes “No” is the best answer we can get. We may not want to hear it, but His answer is ALWAYS the correct one.  As a parent, you know this to be true.  Your kids can not have everything they want, so you have to tell them “No”. If you don’t have children, think back to when you were a kid. Try to remember when your parents told you “No”. You were probably upset by it; but as you think back about it, you (hopefully) realize that “No” was the correct answer.  The reason we tell our children “No” is because we love them, and we want what’s best for them. We are all God’s children, and He loves us, and wants what’s best for us. That is why He tells us “No” sometimes.

As far as letting things go to Him, I still have trouble with it. I hold on to things. I have to really concentrate on giving it to Him. But Tamar is correct, when I do give everything to Him, I feel SO much better. I challenge you to do the same thing. It may feel strange, or difficult to you, but try it out. Find a quit place, and just pour your heart out to Him.

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Day 5: Memorize

Posted on May 22, 2011 by Tamar

I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:27

For today, there is no reading other than your Bible.  Take the time you would normally spend reading and spend it instead, memorizing the word of God.  For today we recommend you look up (in your favorite translation) 1 Corinthians 9:27, write it on a note card or sticky note and then say it out loud 7 times or until you can say it from memory.  For me, I learn better by saying them as I write them several times.  We also recommend that you memorize the “address” (1 Corinthians 9:27) as well, so that in the future you can look it up easily or refer other people to it quickly.

Now when (notice I did not say “if”) you are tempted, if at all possible, say this verse out loud.  This is important.  In those moments of temptations, if you are able to roll these words right off your tongue it will make Temptation flee!  Really.  You’ll see.

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Day 4: Fast

Posted on May 21, 2011 by Tamar

Then Joshua said to the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you.”  Joshua 3:5

OK, so if you’re still reading today you’ve decided to see this thing out the whole way.  You’ve decided to join us on our journey and sex fast with us.  I’m telling you, this is very powerful stuff, not for the faint of heart.  However, you WILL NOT REGRET THIS!  Christian was reluctantly compliant in our first and second sex fast (yes, believe it or not, we’ve done this more than once) and close to the end of the second fast he told me, “We should really do this again sometime”.  Taking sex out of your relationship changes it, dramatically.  I’m going to be honest with you, fasting is difficult.  You will fight, you will cry, you will be frustrated and you will be angry; and so you will pray, you will read (I suggest the Bible along with this blog), and you will seek God like never before.  This is why I wish I could be there with you, to encourage you to keep going.  You CAN survive this storm and your marriage WILL be so much better for it in the end.  “Fasting is the most sacred, most serious, most sacrificial way to present ourselves in total devotion to the Lord.  Fasting helps us relinquish our will to God.  By abstaining from food [or sex], humbling our souls, and setting worldly matters aside in an act of worship, we can please God beyond compare.”2

God cares more about our motives than our actions.  Therefore, we fast as an act of thanks for the second chance He has given us, and as atonement for the sexually immoral acts that we have committed in the past.  This is not something to take lightly my friend; you are entering into a serious commitment, one that will have a major impact on your life, a very positive one if you’re willing to do it for the right reasons.  Here are the rules of the road, they’re pretty simple and there are only two.

1) Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting.  Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.  But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.  (Matthew 6:16-18) In other words, don’t make a big deal about the fast to everyone you see.  In fact, don’t tell anyone, it’s to be done in “secret”.  We committed our sexually immoral acts in secret and God saw them; similarly redeem them in secret as well.  God will see it and reward you for it.  So far in my experience I’ve had a rule of 2 for my fasting.  Both times God has given me 2 other people to share my secret.  I have asked those people to pray for me and my husband that we may be successful in our fast, and that we will grow closer to God and each other because of it.  Other than those 2 people, to everyone else it’s business as usual, no matter what, no complaining, grumbling or twisting your face to show disapproval.  Remember, God sees what is done in secret, both the bad and the good.  Trust me, this IS worth it.

2) This fast includes ALL SEXUAL ACTIVITY OF ANY KIND.  We’re not just talking about strictly sex here.  We’re talking no sex, no touching each other (except for hugs and 10 second kisses), and no touching yourself! NOTHING FOR 30 DAYS!  It was through complete abstinence that we grew so much during that time.  Plus, in a way, it was resetting our bodies back to the “manufacturer’s settings” so to speak.  Seriously, if you do not take my word for this particular part of the fast you will not gain as much from the experience.  Trust me on this one!

To help you through this I suggest memorizing some scriptures.  They are extremely wise and really do help in those moments of weakness.  Two of my favorites for this are: 1 Corinthians 9:27 and Romans 6:14.  Both of these verses appealed to me because of the idea of being the master of my body.  There were moments of temptation, many of them.  And in those moments I could not allow my body the luxury of indulgence; I had to “beat” it instead.  I would say to myself, “No body, you are NOT in control and you will not get your way this time!”  That’s the true meaning of “SELF” control.  Your body is NOT the master of you!  You are the master of your body; do not allow your body to be the one in control!

A couple quick notes before I hand the laptop over to Christian. Wives, before day 30 arrives make sure to buy a new white bra and panties and if money isn’t too tight, a beautiful white satin nightgown.  I’ll explain more about this later, but for now, start looking for some beautiful new underwear or jammies… or BOTH!

Christian’s comments:

All right! You guys are on board, so let’s DO THIS THING! Husbands! You may not be too thrilled by this, but you just need to suck it up! Oh wait poor choice of words there. You can handle it! No, that’s not right either. It’s going to be hard, scratch that, difficult, but you will manage.  Seriously, though, you will get through this. You have to follow the rules though.

Number one: No whining, complaining, moaning, groaning, or any other form of grumbling allowed. Don’t say anything to the guys at work. No “The old lady says” comments to your buddies that you play sports with. No “Old ball and chain” remarks to the guys in the garage (if you’re a gear-head like me). Tell no one! Just live your life like nothing is different. However, don’t be surprised if they mention how they see or notice a difference in you.

Number two: No sexual activity of any kind! You will be tempted to, ahem, “take matters into your own hands”. Fight that temptation. Learn the scriptures that Tamar mentioned above. Recite them whenever you are tempted. There is an old joke that 90% of men admit to masturbating, the other 10% are liars. If you masturbate, you will be greatly tempted. One tip: Don’t think about getting through the 30 days all together, you will likely fail. Instead, get through one day at a time. If that’s too long, just get through one hour at a time. That’s how addicts beat their addictions. If they think about going the rest of their life without whatever they are addicted to (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, etc.), they will fail almost every time. So they break it down into shorter time intervals, usually hours. That’s how I beat my addiction to chewing tobacco. I would think, “I can make it through this hour without it.” Then think the same thing the next hour.

Another tip: Remove any sexually suggestive material from your house and workplace. Any movies, pictures, magazines, etc. They don’t necessarily have to be pornographic either. Like I stated earlier, they could be something as simple as a movie with scantily clad women, or even your wife’s Cosmo magazines. I still struggle with the temptations of pornography and masturbation. Having fewer things to tempt me, made the fast much easier to get through. It also helps after the fast is over.

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Day 3: Return

Posted on May 20, 2011 by Tamar

And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord.  Luke 1:45

Bessed is she who believed.  Do YOU believe that God can heal your marriage?  I believed; and it totally changed the course of my entire life.  God’s plans for us are so much bigger and better than our own plans.  HE knows the future, we don’t.  Trust Him.  He is faithful to His word.  When you obey Him, He blesses you.  Sometimes more than you can bear.  So I hope you’re ready for this!

I would like to share a letter to God that I wrote in the beginning of this journey.

“Lord, my heart is so broken right now.  I am so consumed with Christian and his neglect of his duties to us.  I don’t understand what you want me to do.  I know that you don’t want divorce because I have a blood covenant with him, but he hurts my feelings so much.  I feel like he’s sucking the spirit from me.  Yet I love him so desperately.  I can’t REALLY leave him.  You’re not really telling me to leave the husband of my youth are you?  Surely not.  What you have joined together let no man tear asunder right?

Lord, I need an undivided heart, one where BOTH halves are pumping and functioning together as one.  PLEASE help us become one again.  And not just for a short time but for forever.  Please please please don’t let it come to this again!  Please Lord, I’m begging you; heal us back together again so that we are one functioning heart again.  Let the two become one and stay that way!”

Reading that letter again I remember the pain and grief that I felt over how our relationship was fairing.  Yet, it makes me happy to read it, because it shows me just how far we’ve truly come; how far God has brought us on the path of healing.  In response to this letter do you know what God told me?  Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; (Acts 3:19) He gave me my answer.  Repent, turn to God, and times of refreshing WOULD come.  Not maybe they’d get here, they WOULD come.  I had already repented of my sin of pre-marital sex and I believe God had forgiven me for it.  But I hadn’t forgiven myself, and I certainly hadn’t forgiven Christian for taking my virginity before it was time to take it.  Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t rape me, if I had told him “no” he would NOT have had sex with me.

I’ll never forget that moment of decision as long as I live!  We were lying there completely naked together, Christian over me asking “What do you think?”  And I heard God’s desperate plea in my right ear say: “Baby, don’t do this!”  But the tempter was right there too, in my left ear, “Oh, it’s no big deal, you’re going to marry each other at some point anyway so what difference does it make if you do it now or later?  It’s all the same.  Go ahead.  Do it.”  And just like Eve, I believed his LIE!  So instead of saying “no”, I said “yes”.  And that moment, the moment I said “yes” instead of “no”, changed everything.  That moment of disobedience turned my world upside down.

So, back in the present day, what’s a girl to do?!?  I felt like I needed to talk to Christian and in the least, request an apology from him.  But as I was preparing for my “talk” with him I did a lot of praying and scripture searching.  I felt that we needed to do more than just ask for forgiveness, we needed to DO something.  “God guide me!” I said.  He immediately made my eyes fall on Ezekiel 33:14-16.  But when I say to the wicked, “You will surely die,” and he turns from his sin and practices justice and righteousness, if a wicked man restores a pledge, pays back what he has taken by robbery, walks by the statutes which ensure life without committing iniquity, he shall surely live; he shall not die.  None of his sins that he has committed will be remembered against him.  He has practiced justice and righteousness; he shall surely live.

God gave me the steps to take.  1) Repent of our sin of sexual immorality by asking for forgiveness from God, each other, and ourselves.  2) Do what is right and restore what has been taken, therefore making restitution.  3) Sin no more.  Once we’ve done those three things NONE of our sins will be held against us anymore!  We will be free!  “OK”, I thought.  “I can do that!  Ummm, but Lord, how can I pay You back?  How can Christian return what he stole from me?  I mean… A hymen’s not really something that grows back ya know.”  That’s when the idea of fasting came to mind.  How can you give back sex?  Stop having it!  Not forever obviously, just for a time.  In 1 Corinthians 7:5 Paul writes: Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. He was telling his followers in the church of Corinth that they should not withhold sex from their spouses except to grow closer to God, and only for a specific period of time so that the enemy would not tempt them to commit sexual immorality.  All of this seemed to fit perfectly for our situation.  I needed to repent and return the things that I had stolen and I needed to do that by abstaining from sexual relations with my husband for 30 days (which is the traditional length of a mourning period, fitting I thought).  I knew that Christian would not be happy about it, but I also knew that I would give him no choice.  And he’s a great man; I knew he wouldn’t force me.

Christian’s comments:

Christian was not happy, not happy at all. No sex for 30 days! We weren’t having sex all that often, but 30 days? That’s like a month!

Yeah, I wasn’t happy and I didn’t really understand either. But it was important to Tamar, so it was important to me.

As was stated in chapter one, as well as here, I wasn’t a great husband. No, I wasn’t a good husband, or father. I’d stay out late, working on demolition derby cars at one of my friends’ shops. I would only begrudgingly come home if Tamar had something to go to. It wasn’t that I didn’t love Tamar, but to me, everything I had going on was more important that anything she had going on. Little did I know, that’s what was tearing us apart.

The fast came along about the same time that I began to realize that I was a major problem in our marriage (after the pre-marital sex, multiple partners, masturbation, and porn of course). So I thought, “Hey, if this will help us to get closer, I’m in.” Boy howdy! Have we ever gotten closer (Wink wink, nudge nudge). Things aren’t perfect, but they are much better, and getting better every day.

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Day 2: Shadows

Posted on May 19, 2011 by Tamar

For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, and He watches all his paths.  His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin.  He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray. Proverbs 5:21-23

In this proverb it talks about how our sins capture us, tying us up in cords.  Our lack of knowledge will lead us astray and cause us to make mistakes.  Our sins have enormous impact on our lives, especially when it’s not immediately evident. 

Take Adam and Eve for example.  In the Garden of Eden, God had originally commanded Adam: “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil for when you eat of it you will surely die.” (Genesis 2:16-17)  Then, later, in Genesis 3: 4 Eve has a conversation with a talking snake where he tells her that she will not “surely die”.  And she believed him!  She took the fruit… ate it… HEY!  No death!  Well, huh, no immediately evident death anyway.  There was immediate death alright.  The death of innocence, and the birth of guilt, shame and sorrow.  That is what disobedience (sin) will do; it immediately births guilt and shame and sorrow; all things that God never wants you to live with.

Have you ever spent time just looking at a shadow?  I mean really watching it?  Everything casts a shadow, even glass.  Old sins, those things we did when we were younger, those things cast shadows too.  Each sin that goes un-repented is like a brick in the blessing blockade.  The bigger the blockade the bigger the shadow it casts.  At “high noon” when the sin took place, the shadow was small and barely noticeable (ie. “I was just sowing my wild oats.”)  However, the longer the sin stays in your heart the bigger, longer, and farther reaching its shadow becomes.  Someday, if you sit and observe the shadows outside, as time passes you’ll notice that the shadows get longer and begin to creep over other objects in their path.  They begin to block out the light from the Son to those other things.  That is what past sins from your life can and will do.  The longer those sins stay locked up in the closet of your mind the bigger and farther reaching their shadows become.  Eventually, they start creeping and covering other aspects of your life; blocking God’s light from touching them.  I can’t speak for you my friend, however I know that I had old sins, and they were casting very long shadows.  Those shadows were covering our marriage and blocking God’s loving grace from shining down on us.  They were blocking out the light of my husband’s love for me, and they were blocking my love from truly reaching my children.  These old sins, the ones that I’d shoved down into a teeny tiny box in the farthest corner of the back closet of my mind; they were the ones that were causing me so much grief.  Sometimes the only way to fix a current situation is to go back to the beginning.  Rewind time so to speak and fix the root of the problem and not just the symptom of it.  For us, the root of the problem was our pre-marital sexual experiences: pre-marital sex, emotional adultery, and porn/masturbation/self-pleasuring (we’ll go more into depth on each of these later).  These activities performed both before our wedding vows and after, could have ruined our marriage if they had continued to grow and “shadow” over other things.  However, through the power of Christ, we are not only forgiven of the sins that we committed, against Him, ourselves, and each other, we were also freed from the “cords that ensnared us” and our sexual blessing blockade tumbled down! 

One morning, early on in the writing process for this book, God gave me a very sobering and heartbreaking vision, one I’ll not soon forget.  We were standing high on a cliff looking down on a large town.  As I looked down onto this sleeping town it was like Earth had turned into hell.  Almost every house was black, charred as if it had burned somewhat.  Between the houses, rivers of lava flowed in the streets.  The cries coming from these houses were mournful and desperate.  But the cries weren’t from human lips; they were being made by human souls.  Every living soul in every charred house was crying, mourning.  God turned to me and said, “This is what sexual sin does to you.  It brings hell to Earth.”  As I’m writing this I just want to sob.  My soul cries out, not for myself (at least not anymore) but for every living thing in those houses.  Because I remember what it was like inside my house before God came in and remodeled it.  My house was burned to a crisp!  My sexual sin and my husband’s were burning our house down.  It was tearing us apart.  The stress in our home was palpable.  My husband was never home, I was miserable, my children were unhappy, life was filled with tears. 

Is your soul in torment?  In the Garden of Eden, after they had eaten the forbidden fruit, Adam and Eve hid from God.  Are you hiding from God?  Out of guilt, or grief, or shame?  God knows where you are and He has come to you, in your place of hiding.  He is standing next to you with His outstretched hand hoping that you will take it, stand back up, and follow Him.  He loves you no matter what your condition and no matter what you’ve done.  Really, no matter WHAT you’ve done.  There is nothing under the sun that you have done that God hasn’t seen done before and isn’t willing to forgive.  There is NOTHING you could ever do to make Him stop loving you, not even for a second.  Nothing.  Period! 

Christian’s comments:

Have you ever gotten a splinter in your finger and not been able to get it out? If left too long, the splinter will irritate you more and more. It will eventually get infected and swollen. It will start to affect your daily life. If left long enough, the infection could get bad enough that your finger would need to be amputated. Or worse, the infection could spread and your whole hand could be lost. Obviously, I’m being dramatic. I’ve never known anyone that left a splinter in their finger long enough for that to happen. I did hear about a guy with one in his foot, but that’s a story for a different time (and book).  Anyway…

An old sin is like the splinter. The longer you hold onto that sin, the more it affects you. Everything reminds you of it. People, places, things people say. Eventually, you can’t stop thinking about it and it really starts to affect your life.

As you may have guessed, I’m the one that had pre-marital sex with other people; two girls in college to be exact. We have come to agree that if Tamar and I had not had sex when we did, I don’t think I would have had sex with those two other girls. After Tamar and I had “done it”, I realized what I was missing. I think I may be getting ahead of myself, let’s do a little history.

 It all started when I was in jr. high. That’s when I started masturbating. Shortly after I took up masturbation, I started looking at pornography. (I learned later that God considers it adultery to look lustfully, and masturbate to, other women.) After a while, the porn became a tool for masturbation. (I’m using the word “porn” very broadly. I didn’t necessarily look at magazines full of naked people; I would also look at scantily clad people in Cosmo, or catalogs, or on the internet. I would even just read about people having sex. To me, porn is that broad of a subject. To this day, I still have to guard myself against looking at magazines and catalogs. Some of the images in them can bring some of those temptations back to the surface. The enemy will use all the tools at his disposal to get you to slip and fall.)

All of this finally built to a crescendo, the porn and masturbation weren’t enough.  I “needed” physical satisfaction from someone else. Tamar was several hours away, so I found someone at school to get that satisfaction. Afterwards, it all started tearing me up inside. I started suffering from depression. I didn’t want to spend time with my family, friends, or anybody. I’d just sit and watch TV and wonder why my life was falling down around me.  Because of this fast, I found out why. Keep reading, and you will too.

Categories: The Crazy Mom Blog | Tags: , , , ,

Day 1: God and Sex

Posted on May 18, 2011 by Tamar

For nothing will be impossible with God.  Luke 1:37

One night before sharing my testimony at church, I had a vision.  I was lying in bed and the enemy was sitting on my chest with his hands over my mouth.  At first I could only murmur and make sound through my nose, then the longer he sat there, the less noise I could make until finally I could utter no sound whatsoever.

As chilling as this experience was, I was relatively unconcerned with what had just happened to me in my vision, (because I have nothing to fear, GOD is on my side) so I rolled over and went back to sleep.  The next morning, before dawn had fully broken, I was on my way to church and praying for insight about my vision.  As I prayed, God revealed to me that the enemy would do ANYTHING to keep me from sharing my story with others.  As I spoke those words aloud, instantly there was a deer in my headlights!  “Nice try!” I told the enemy.  Maybe one of these days he’ll discover that “greater is He who is in [me] than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4b (I, of course, didn’t hit the deer.)  You see, the enemy really would do anything to keep me from telling my story.  Why?  Because it is through our faults and mistakes that we relate with each other.  Because my story is less a story of what I’VE done and all about what GOD has done.  The enemy doesn’t like these stories, because they break the chains of slavery that he has wrapped around us.  Those stories, transform lives, and set captives free!  So yes, he would do anything to keep me (and you) silent, usually with embarrassment.  BUT he has no power over the Children of God, and can NOT keep us silent when it is God’s will for us to speak.  So, speak I will, and there is NOTHING the enemy can do about it!  He can TRY, but he will not succeed.  He will try to keep you silent as well.  As your journey to sexual freedom progresses I encourage you to share your story with others.  Don’t allow the enemy to keep you embarrassed about this!

In today’s society, most Christians don’t feel comfortable talking about sexual issues; especially in church.  Most of us have encountered them at some point in our lives and have come out of the experience with permanent damage.  But yet, we don’t TALK about it!  Why?  Because, that’s the enemy’s goal; to keep us embarrassed and silent!  Well, I’m here to tell you that GOD does talk about it!  A LOT!  And if HE talks about it I think it’s about high time that we did too!

You see, God created us and therefore sex; and He knew what He was doing too!  Did you know that the area of the brain that receives religious experiences is the very same area that receives sexual pleasure input.1 You can try all you want to separate God and sex, but in the end, there’s no denying it; sex and God go together.  Sex with your husband can actually be a spiritual experience.  Believe me, by the end of this challenge you will be praising God for the miracle of your husband’s body with yours!  God knew what He was doing.  He meant for sex to be a God-glorifying experience.  Why do you think that in those moments of pure passion many people say “Oh God!”?  We are forced to praise Him in those moments of physical enjoyment.  We are, after all, enjoying the fruits of HIS labor of creation.

So.  If God and sex go together, and I’m dissatisfied in my marriage and sex life, then doesn’t it make sense to go to the One who created them both and ask Him how to make them both better?  Maybe even great!  I mean, if you’re having trouble with your dishwasher, you don’t call the telephone company to get it fixed!  You call the maker of the product!  And so, that’s exactly what I did.  I prayed and went to the Bible first.  Did you know, there is a whole book in the Bible about relationships and sex!?!  A whole book!  And yet I had gone most of my life without knowing it was even there, let alone that it held the many secrets I longed to know.  However, it wasn’t just the Song of Solomon where I found the keys to unlocking this wonderful mystery of truly intimate sex; it was throughout the entire Bible.  God has quite a bit to say about sex and intimacy!

When we love and obey God not a single solitary good thing does He hold back from us.  Not one.  Right now, He has a whole storehouse full of amazing blessings for you.  Good health, AMAZING SEX, love and a deeper connection with God and your husband… the list goes on and on!  If you think it’s good and would like to be blessed with it, it’s most likely in there waiting for you.  However, before those blessings can rain down on you, you have to remove all the things that are blocking them from getting to you.  For years I asked God to change Christian.  For Y-E-A-R-S.  I was beginning to think God just wasn’t listening to my pleas!  I didn’t understand why it seemed like my prayers were simply hitting a brick wall and bouncing back to me.  Why wasn’t He making our marriage better?  According to Isaiah 59:1-3 God was (and still is) able to save our marriage and He did (and still does) hear our prayers for help.  However, since our hands were still covered in the blood of sexual sin – and not Christ’s forgiving blood – then God could not justify fully blessing our marriage with His presence.  He desperately wanted to bless us, but like Isaiah 59:2 points out, our sins had built barriers between us and God. I had hindered my own prayers from being answered “Yes”.  To remove these “blessing blockades” I had to first have a relationship with Christ.  All good relationships take time and communication.  Without these two crucial elements I didn’t have a relationship; I had an acquaintance.  Jesus was someone I knew of, but not very well.  To build my relationship with God I 1) Spent time talking with Him, and not just to Him.  I stopped talking when I asked questions and was surprised with what happened.  He talked back!!! Not always audibly or immediately, but He spoke to me none the less.  2) Studied the Bible as a student studying for a test.  The better I know His word, the better I know Him.

Still not sure if you believe that God can help your marriage and your sex life?  Well, whether you know God personally or not, you do know the difference between right and wrong.  And when you do something you know is wrong you get a guilty conscience.  I believe it is our guilty consciences that hold us back from a multitude of blessings.  One of which being the most truly intimate sex you’ve ever known!  I believe, with my whole heart, that our pre-marital sexual experiences led to all the strife in our marriage.  They started a snowball rolling down a hill that got too big for us to control and it ended up rolling on top of us, nearly crushing us.  However, God loves us and pulled us up from under that crushing snow.  It is because of Christ that today we are able to stand on the top of that mountain of snow instead of under it.  It is because of Jesus and His saving grace that I can sincerely thank God for the blessing of my husband every day, instead of every day begging God to “fix him”.

Christian’s comments:

Whoa, whoa, whoa. God and Sex? Hang on here. I was raised in a Methodist church, and we NEVER talked about sex. In church, out of church, anywhere. I’m sure I would have paid more attention in Sunday school if we had. The only time I even remember hearing the word sex spoken in that church was the day Tamar and I were married.

As we were having our picture taken with the preacher after the ceremony, he said “Think sex!” right before the photographer snapped the picture. If you look at the photo, our eyes are huge! We just couldn’t believe such a sweet, short, little man had said that! In church!

Most Christians would balk at the idea, but we believe what the bible teaches about sex needs to be taught in church, especially to the youth. They need to be taught how dangerous and damaging sex can be if it’s done with someone other than their spouse.

I’m glad Tamar missed the deer, not only because of her safety, but she was driving my truck that morning too. It wouldn’t have stopped us from sharing our message, though. I would have gotten in the car, picked her up and taken her to church that morning. Nothing ticks off the enemy more than when you pick yourself up after he knocks you down, and continue on your way.

As far as sin holding your blessings back, there is a solution. Get on your knees and ask for forgiveness. God wants to forgive you, but you have to ask. Repent of your sins. That means, after asking for forgiveness, don’t just turn around and sin again.

Categories: The Crazy Mom Blog | Tags: , , ,

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