Posts Tagged With: True Intimacy

Day 18: Gold

In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 1 Peter 1:6-7

Take a break from reading today.  Go outside, if you are able, and spend some time in prayer.  To God your faith and your time with Him are more precious than gold.  Today, be still and know that HE is God.  Get alone and silent and spend time with Him in prayer.  Talk about the things that you trust Him for… and especially the things you don’t and why!  Most of all breathe!  You’re over halfway through!  You can do this my friend!  We’re praying for you!

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Day 17: Pearl

The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from the joy over it he goes and sells all he has and buys that field.  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls.  And upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.  Matthew 13:44-46

In these verses Jesus describes the kingdom of heaven (His kingdom) as a hidden treasure and a fine pearl, both so precious that they are worth selling everything that the men owned in order to acquire them.  When Jesus called His disciples He said, “Come, follow me.” And at once, in an instant, they all dropped the tools of their trade and walked away from their families, their jobs, their possessions, everything – just to walk with Jesus, learn from Him, and spend time with Him.  Matthew was even a tax collector, he was most likely quite wealthy, let’s see how he reacts to his calling.  As Jesus went on from there, He saw a man called Matthew, sitting in the tax collector’s booth; and He said to him, “Follow Me!”  And he got up and followed Him. (Matthew 9:9)  He didn’t hesitate; he didn’t think “well I’m not so sure about this whole God thing…”  Just like all the others he just got up and went with Him leaving everything behind.

Things are still the same today for us.  Jesus is calling us to Come, follow Him and become His disciples.  (Being a disciple is what He’s calling every believer to be.)  And we need to be willing to drop what we’re doing and IMMEDIATELY follow him (AKA. obey him).  We need to be willing to leave everything; family, money, friends, possessions everything behind to follow him.  If we are willing to “sell it all” to buy the pearl of Jesus and a relationship with Him, then we will get to be right there with front row seats to see Him feed 5,000 people with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread (Matthew 14:13-21), and we’ll be right there to watch Him heal the sick (Matthew 4:23-25 & 8:1-4), make the blind see (Mark 10:46-52) and the lame walk (Matthew 9:1-8).  If we’re willing to sell everything we have to buy the field of a relationship with Jesus, then He will stand on the water amid the stormy sea, hold His hand out to you, and invite you to walk on top of the water with Him (Matthew 14:22-33).

I have lived such amazing miracles in my life through Jesus.  When our finances are especially tight, our food “somehow” manages to last longer than it should.  Like the fish and bread it stretches when it doesn’t look like there should be enough, there always is.  Unexpected checks come in the mail for the exact amount needed for a bill that has to be paid immediately.  Just this week, my son had a fever of 101*F and I laid my hands on his head and said “In the name of Jesus Christ I declare this boy healed.  Within the next 10 minutes his cough will be gone and he will be well.”  As I was saying it, a beam of beautiful sunlight shone over us and a slight spring breeze came through the window, and I knew God had done it.  My son immediately looked at me and said “Mommy, I feel better!”  Within 5 minutes his fever was gone and never came back.  No medicine necessary.  THAT’S what God does in the life of an active believer!  When we follow and obey Him, at ANY cost (including giving up your secrets, your pride and your anonymity to write a book about your sex life), we are allowed the front row seats to miracles in our lives.  No, better yet, He invites us to come on the stage and BE the miracle!

Take it from me; THIS pearl IS worth the cost!

Christian’s comments:

Could you walk away from everything to follow Jesus?  That’s a tough one isn’t it. However, think of it this way, if you “drop everything” (worldly possessions, as well as your former life) and follow Him, you will gain more than you ever could imagine, especially in the kingdom of heaven.

There is a joke that goes as follows.  A wealthy man died and went to Heaven. When he met St. Peter, the man asked if he could bring something into heaven with him. St. Peter reluctantly agreed and gave the man one day on Earth to decide what it would be. The man thought and thought and finally decided on bringing a bag full of gold. When he got back to Heaven, St. Peter asked to see what the man brought with him. When the man showed St. Peter what he had in the bag, St. Peter asked, “Why did you bring a bag of pavement?”

The streets of Heaven are paved with GOLD! If the streets that we are going to be walking on are made of one of the most valuable substance on Earth, what are the TREASURES of Heaven going to be?  So as you can see, “dropping everything” is going to be a good decision.

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Day 16: Time

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

As a parent of 2 children I know how it is to love my children.  I absolutely adore them both equally, and I want to dote on them constantly.  Unfortunately I can only do that when they are behaving properly and obeying me.  If they are acting up in the store the last thing I will do is reward them for their undesirable behavior!  God is the same way.  While He truly wants to bless us with our hearts desires, He can only do that when we’re acting in obedience to His word.  Now, here’s the kicker.  How can we obey rules that we don’t know?  We spend time learning them!

How we spend our time determines who we are and how we react to the world around us.  Luke 6:45 explains that The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. What we spend our time doing gets stored up into our minds and hearts and is exactly what comes back out of our mouths and attitudes.  For example:  If you’re spending your time watching R rated movies filled with foul language you can almost guarantee that you’ll be thinking about and possibly using that same language later.  If you’re reading a book about witches or vampires you can almost guarantee that later you’ll be thinking about witches and vampires, instead of thinking about good things like… GOD.  If you’re listening to music filled with foul language and the message of the songs is all about sleeping around and drinking and drugs, what do you think you’ll be thinking about and more tempted to do later?  What are you storing up in your heart; things to build you up and encourage you or things to tear you down and destroy your morale?  You may like a song because it’s got a good beat, but what are those lyrics saying to your soul?  What subliminal messages are you sending yourself, and your children, every day?  While you may think that those lyrics or lines aren’t any big deal, I beg to differ.  They have a much greater impact on you than you would think.  Our words, spoken, sung, and written, have power in them and even more so when set to music.  Music is the language of the soul, there’s a reason all movies have music; it sets the tone and makes you feel the moment.  Remember, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

In Luke 10 there is a story of two sisters, Mary and Martha.  One day Jesus was teaching at Martha’s house.  Martha was busy preparing the meal and the house while Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to His teaching.  Martha became frustrated with Mary for not helping her in the kitchen, at one point she became so frustrated that she went to Jesus and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone?  Then tell her to help me.”  But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Did you hear that ladies?  Jesus said that working in the kitchen (or the house) is not the better choice.  It’s not the most important thing, THANK YOU GOD!  When given the choice between spending time with Jesus and spending time doing anything else, everything else pales in comparison!  Right now you might be thinking, “How can that be, if all I ever do is spend time with Jesus I’ll never get anything else done?”  Not so my friend.  You see the beauty of living in a post-resurrection era is the fact that instead of Jesus sitting in the living room teaching while we’re in the kitchen working, we can take Him with us wherever we go.  Remember, we’re the Holy of Holies now!

The key is, are you willing to change your habits?  I’ve been trying really hard lately to eat healthier.  Not to lose weight, just to take better care of my temple.  I’m noticing something; I am still able to eat a lot of the same foods I was eating before just different healthier versions of them.  It’s a lot of swapping this for that.  Instead of eating canned fruit in sugary syrup, I eat fresh fruit.  Instead of eating plain white bread I’ve swapped it for healthier whole grain versions.  The same is true for our daily activities and learning more about Christ.  I like listening to music while I cook.  So instead of listening to secular country or hip hop music, I’ve downloaded hours and hours of every different genres of Christian music, there’s a lot out there to choose from.  I love reading fiction (when I have time), instead of reading about the romance of a vampire and a teenage girl, I read about the romance of a Christian woman and her struggle to find faith and a husband that shares that faith.  I am so blessed; the Christian/Inspirational fiction section is packed at our library.  Instead of watching movies filled with violence and foul language or TV shows with sexual content, I opt for things that make me laugh and have an uplifting message, or I just turn off the TV and read.  I’m not saying you have to change everything overnight, I’m just suggesting that you be mindful of the choices you make on how you’re spending your time, and the things that are filling your hearts.  James explains that we should be putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save [our] souls. (1:21)  God cares the most about your heart, He wants you to keep it healthy and full of: whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on (and spend your time doing) these things.  We can always find time to do the things we love.  Show Jesus how much you love Him and MAKE time for Him in your life.  When you make time for Him, He makes time for you too.  Homework for today: sit down and make a list of all the things in your life (yes the list can be a mental one) that you could “swap out” for healthier versions, then start swapping!

Christian’s comments:

Have you ever heard the expression “Garbage in, garbage out”? If we spend all of our time filling up our hearts with garbage, whether it be from TV, movies, radio, etc., where will we find time for Jesus? We have to MAKE time for Jesus. What does that mean? Give Jesus His time first, just as your tithe is the first to come out of your paycheck. As soon as you get out of bed every morning, start praying.

It doesn’t matter how or where you pray. Tamar lays down face first on the floor next to the bed. I actually pray in the bathroom. I know it may sound weird, but that is the room where you are the most humble.

“How much time is needed?” you might be asking. I don’t know. There is no definitive answer to that. Every person and every day is going to be different. Some days you may only need five minutes. Other days you may get an hour or more to bask in his presence. He knows what you need and will make sure that you get it. If you give Him the time that is needed, before anything else, your heart will be filled with His goodness. That means that there won’t be any room for the “garbage”.

I also suggest you give God time at the end of the day.  Again, it could be five minutes, or a couple of hours. Just thank Him for the day and the blessings it held. I have actually fallen asleep while praying to him at the end of the day (I do this prayer in bed). This might seem a little disrespectful, but that is when I’m the most relaxed, and my mind is clear, so there is no clutter to get in the way.

It is so refreshing to begin and end the day with the Lord. He is, after all, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.

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Day 15: Play!

For you will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; the mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 55:12

Take a break from reading today.  Go do something FUN!  Take the family to the park for a picnic or go to the movies.  Whatever you do, make sure it’s something you love.  Something that makes you laugh.  Something that makes you happy.  Something you haven’t done together since you were dating perhaps.  We understand that you may not have the time this very day to do this fun “something”. So, if you don’t do it today, at least make the plans to do “something” and then write it on the calendar… IN PEN!  Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, He will.  Now, GO HAVE FUN TOGETHER!

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Day 13: One and Only

A ruler questioned Him saying, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”  Luke 18:18

Through the years I think everyone has asked that question and there are a lot of different answers to it.  While I can’t claim to know for certain the one true answer, remember I am not a theologian, I can tell you what Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good?  No one is good except God alone.  You know the commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not bear false witness, honor your father and mother.’”  And he said, “All these I have kept since my youth.”  When Jesus heard this, He said to him, “One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” Luke 18:19-22 The man hadn’t broken a single commandment in his entire life, he was a “good person”, and yet he still “lacked one thing”.  That one thing was a relationship with Jesus.

So many people think that being a good person and doing good things is enough to declare them worthy.  No one is completely sinless and deserving of heaven (Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God).  There is NOTHING you can DO to earn a ticket to heaven.

Romans 4:24-25 says: but for our sake also, to whom it will be credited, as those who believe in Him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead, He who was delivered over because of our transgressions, and was raised because of our justification. You see, it’s kind of like each one of us has our own spiritual credit card.  Every time we sin it “rings up” a debt that has to be paid before we can get into heaven.  Because Psalm 5:4 tells us: For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness; no evil dwells with You. While still sinful we cannot live in heaven with God because we have no way to pay that debt.  Nothing we DO can ever change the balance.

However, God loves us and He made a way.  For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15) Jesus lived a completely sinless life -zero balance on his “card”, and yet He CHOSE to die on the cross to pay for all of our sins.  (He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:21)  When Jesus died He paid our debt, the whole thing.  It’s like; He called the credit card company, requested a balance transfer, and said “I’ll pay it all for them.”  So here we stand today with a balance on our cards and Jesus on the phone saying He’ll pay it all off IF we want Him to.  Hmmmmm…. let me think; zero balance on my sin card AND eternal life filled with His love…. Um, YEAH! I’ll take that deal.

Jesus said, “In my Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you.  If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.  And you know the way  where I am going.”  Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?”  Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through me.” (John 14:2-6 emphasis mine)  Jesus is THE way to God the Father in heaven.  He didn’t say that He was ONE of the ways; He is THE ONE AND ONLY WAY.  We don’t get to heaven by who we are or what we’ve done.  We are forgiven and able to go to heaven because of who JESUS is and what JESUS has done.  Period.  If you don’t believe me, look it up for yourself, it’s all right there in black and white and red.

You see it’s all about belief:

[Y/N] Do you believe in God the Father?

[Y/N ] Do you believe in Jesus His Son?

[Y/N ] Do you believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father?

[Y/N ] Do you believe that Jesus died for you on the cross?

[Y/N ] Do you believe that His death was enough to pay for your sins?

[Y/N ] Are you sorry for the sins that you have committed in the past?

[Y/N ] Have you prayed and asked forgiveness for those sins?

[Y/N ] Have you prayed and accepted Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross as payment for those sins?

[Y/N ] Have you prayed and asked the Holy Spirit to come live in your heart and help you not to purposefully sin in the future?

[Y/N ] Does someone else know about your commitment to God yet?

If you answered yes to all of the above then you are a beloved Child of God and fellow follower of Christ.  I look forward to meeting you in heaven my sister.

However, this is not the end, this is just the beginning!  It’s the beginning of a NEW YOU, a NEW LIFE in Christ.  One where Christ lives through you and you – love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (Matthew 22:37).  To do that, you love your spouse more than you love yourself.  Because love requires sacrifice & love requires obedience.

In John 3:36 it says that Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him. Notice, the words translated “does not obey”, in the original Greek is apeitheo which means “to refuse belief and obedience”.  With the meaning of this one word, all of salvation is explained.  Belief and obedience are tied together as one.  To believe in Jesus is to obey him!  We’ll go over this a little more tomorrow.

Christian’s comments:

I used to work with a guy that said he thought he would go to heaven because he “lived a good life”. Sure, he was a good guy. He donated a little to charity. He helped people when he could. However, he didn’t have Christ in his heart. He also didn’t go to church or tithe. I asked him, once, why he didn’t go to church. His answer? “I like to sleep in on weekends.” I tried to explain that there were services throughout the day, even in the evenings. He explained that he was “too busy”. I worked with this man for almost two years and could never convince him that “leading a good life” wasn’t enough to get into heaven. He was living with Jesus as his savior, but not as his Lord. You have to live your life according to God, for Jesus to be your savior.

It scares me to think about all the people in this world that think leading a good life will get them into heaven. If I had longer time to work with and minister to my co-worker, I might have brought him to Christ (I like to think that I could have anyway). However, my work time with him was cut short, and I had to move on.

I’m praying that the change this fast has made in me will lead my friends, derby buddies, and coworkers to Christ. I pray that they will see me living with Jesus as my Lord and not just my Savior and want the same things that are happening to me.

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Day 12: Proof

You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering: the ruby, the topaz and the diamond; the beryl, the onyx and the jasper; the lapis lazuli, the turquoise and the emerald; and the gold, the workmanship of your settings and sockets, was in you, on the day that you were created they were prepared. Ezekiel 28:13

One morning God gave me the following vision of a jewelry store.  As I walked into the store the first thing I saw out on display was some costume jewelry.  Out.  Where anyone could look at it, touch it, or take it if, and whenever they wanted.  This jewelry was not special, it was not expensive and it was definitely not something you would hand down to your children.  This jewelry was not valuable.  It would be pretty at first, nice to look at, but it would tarnish quickly, and could easily be replaced or thrown away.

As I continued into the store I came to some nicer jewelry.  This kind of jewelry took up the majority of the store.  It was still on display where anyone could see it, however, it was locked in a glass case where you had to ask permission from the jeweler to open the case and take the jewelry out before you could touch it.  This jewelry was nicer and more expensive than the costume jewelry, however, pretty much anyone who walked into the store could ask to touch it and be granted permission.  ANYONE could come and look.  And stealing it would take a minimal amount of effort.

Finally I came to the priceless jewels; 4+ carat diamonds, huge and rare rubies and sapphires, and heirloom collector’s items.  THESE were NOT on display.  These priceless jewels were hidden, locked up in a safe with a combination that only the “high up” jewelers knew and only the special customers, that had enough money and intent, could see them let alone touch or buy them.  These items were SO special that they were NEVER advertised, they were never on display, they were a secret, because they were so precious.

Ladies, WE are that jewelry; our bodies.  The way that we see ourselves and treat ourselves are the different levels of jewelry and display.  How do you view yourself?  Do you see yourself as the costume jewelry, cheap and disposable?  Nice to look at but after a little while the niceness rubs off.  Or, do you see yourself as the nicer jewelry?  More expensive, the men have to ask permission to touch, but anyone can still look, because hey, you’re nice to look at?  Or are you the priceless jewelry?  Locked, hidden in a safe for the one and ONLY person who’s shown enough interest to have you and the ability to take good care of you.  *Sniff*  As I was just typing that, God said to me “I see them as the priceless jewelry, even if that’s not how they see themselves.”  *Sniff*  You.  Are.  So.  Beautiful to Him! You are priceless, covered in priceless jewels set with gold!  YOU!  He is talking to YOU!  YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!  Start believing it for goodness sake!

For the longest time, as far back as I can remember anyway, I saw myself as the jewelry on display, not the costume jewelry, but not the priceless jewelry either.  I’ve always been petite and for the most part relatively skinny and not too bad to look at if I say so myself.  When my breasts started developing I, of course, wanted to show them off to the boys.  I wore revealing clothing, not too revealing my parents wouldn’t let me, but once I was out of the house… well that was a different story.  I was trying to attract the boys’ attention with my body, because honestly, it worked and I didn’t know any better way.  I enjoyed their looks, they made me feel good and worth looking at.  When I got married my necklines somehow dropped even lower than they were before!  And even if the necklines weren’t low, they were loose so if I bent over to care for one of my children I was showing the goods off to anyone with eyes!  Oh how God has opened my eyes to the folly of my ways.  My body belongs to my husband and my husband alone!  My breasts are for HIS eyes only.  Before, when they were on “display” for everyone to see – not all of them mind you, but the cleavage and fleshy parts – they weren’t specifically for Christian’s eyes only.  However, since God has led me to change my dressing habits and to cover things up more, my breasts are for my husband alone.  Making them more special and “entertaining” for him.  Think about it, when you know that your husband ONLY has eyes for you, how does that make you feel – pretty special and important right?  Now put the shoe on the other foot, when your husband knows that your body is ONLY for his eyes and enjoyment, how do you think that would make him feel?

Do you know what the verse BEFORE our opening verse says?  …You had the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. (Ezekiel 28:12b)  WOW!  In the Garden of Eden, they were naked.  And this verse is telling us that while in the garden and still naked they were PERFECT in beauty.  The next verse tells us that not only were they perfect in beauty; every precious stone covered their bodies.  In our natural state, naked, our bodies are perfect.  Period.

God created you just the way that you are.  I think Dawn McConnell said it best in “God’s Plan for Married Sex” when she said,

“He chose your legs, your thighs, your dress size, eye color, hair type.  You didn’t make you, God did.”6 We should be comfortable in what we look like and who we are as God created us, women.  Have you noticed that subdivisions these days don’t have straight roads anymore?  Do you know why that is?  Curves are more pleasing to the eye than straight lines.  One of the main characteristics of the woman’s body – is curves!

OK, I have a challenge for you today.  It is something that you will probably read this and say “No way am I doing that!”  But, that’s why I’m challenging you.  I’m double dog daring you to do this!  Write down on a note card: Psalm 139:14 Take it into your bathroom and stand in front of your mirror, full length if you’ve got one.  Then start at the top of your head with your hair, and work your way down to your toes.  Study your body and as you study it say to God “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Your works are wonderful and I know that full well.”  Then, I triple dog dare you to do the exact same thing naked!  The effect is amazing, believe me!  Through God’s amazing love and this exercise, (which I learned from Lorraine Pintus and her amazing book Intimate Issues) I am in love with my body just the way that it is.  I love the silver in my hair, because it’s proof of how I’m getting to grow older with my husband, who is already blissfully bald.  I love the lines on my face, because they’re proof of years full of laughter and smiles.  I love the way that my breasts sag, because it’s proof of all the time that I spent holding and nursing my infants, watching them grow and bonding with them.  And I love the fact that my husband still loves my breasts and is still obsessed with them, I’m sure you can relate!  I love the “pooch” of my belly and the gigantic scar under it, because they’re my Mommy badge of honor!  I was blessed beyond measure to carry not one, but TWO babies in that belly, and some women never get to do that.  My hands, oh my hands!  The things that they’ve done!  Both good and bad, but either way, it’s been my hands that have done it all from comforting my children, to writing this book, to pleasing my husband.  I love my legs and feet, and the fact that they have taken me everywhere I have ever gone.  My body is amazing and full of “proofs” of a life filled with happiness, hard times and mistakes that I’ve survived and God has turned into “glittering rainbows”.

Just like the leaves that God paints in the fall of their lives, full of new color and light, we too grow old beautifully (no matter what those pesky commercials tell us).  Our lives can be full of light and color, but we have to allow “THE light” to shine through us like the opals, the jewels, that we really are.

Christian’s comments:

Yup, God only made so many perfect heads, the rest he covered with hair. I was in college when I first started losing my hair. I would wear a hat all the time and try to hide it. When my forehead started getting further back, I started cutting my hair shorter and shorter. Then, on my thirtieth birthday, I shaved it with a razor for the first time. Tamar really liked it, and I never went back. I have embraced my baldness (my flaw) and it is now a part of me.

How many of you husbands were like me? In jr. high and high school, how many of you chased after the costume jewelry? Go ahead, raise your hands. No one is looking. When my hormones were raging, I went after a LOT of girls that fit into the costume jewelry category. Most of them would have “the goods” on display for anyone to see. I would chase after them because I was only after one thing and they seemed to be the easiest way to get it.

Luckily, God had other plans for me. Most of the girls wouldn’t even go out with me. I wasn’t enough of a “sure thing”. Whenever one would go out with me, we could never seem to hook up, no matter how hard I tried.
As I grew older, I started dating girls that fit in the nice jewelry category. And, surprise surprise, the relationships lasted longer and were more enjoyable. There was less pressure. I didn’t have to worry about the girls dumping me for more of a “sure thing”.

At last, halfway through my senior year, I found my priceless jewelry.  My Tamar.  Husbands don’t become distracted by the costume jewelry that you see day-to-day. Don’t even give it a second glance. Instead, concentrate on the priceless jewelry you already have.

On a side note: Husbands and wives please pay attention to what your daughters are wearing out in public. Seems like everywhere I go I see young girls wearing skimpy tank tops and short shorts. They are barely wearing more than bathing suits. And don’t get me started on those! Please teach them some modesty. They don’t seem to understand the attention they are getting from wearing the skimpy clothes is not the attention they want. They aren’t just attracting the attention of the boys their age, but from dangerous people who really want to do them harm. Please help your daughters to not become pieces of costume jewelry. Please teach them to respect themselves. Help them to see that they are priceless jewels.

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Day 11: United

For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother’s womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.  Psalm 139:13-14

So, what are you made of?  It’s an interesting comment to be sure.  But really, have you ever thought about it?  The nursery rhymes tell us: “Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.”  Then there’s science, the human body is made up of mostly water.  But what does the bible have to say about it?  Psalm 139:13-14 says that God wove us together in our mother’s womb, creating us with His very own hands, it’s just mind-blowing.  God’s hands created each and every one of us.  HE made us.  Just like Adam and Eve God’s hands formed us.  And just like creation He stands back, watches us grow and says “it is good”.

In the Garden of Eden:

“The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.  So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.  The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.  The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:20-24)

As Adam was naming all of the animals he realized that they all had mates and he didn’t.  He noticed that each of them had someone to call their own, and yet he didn’t.  Poor Adam was lonely, he wanted someone just like him; a partner, a mate.  So God lovingly created Eve for him.  But Eve unlike everything else in creation wasn’t spoken into existence or even made from the dust of the Earth like Adam, she was made from Adam’s flesh and bone.  When you think about how we as women were first created, it explains A LOT doesn’t it!  We’re tough and soft all at the same time; we’re made from bone and flesh.  God created us from man’s rib, not his head to be above him, or his feet to be below him, but his rib to be beside him.  And under his arm to be protected by him, close to his heart, to be loved by him.5 God made everything to serve a purpose, but I believe He had a very special purpose in mind when He created women.  We were made in such a different fashion than everything else on the earth, how can we not then BE different from everything else on earth?  While nothing in all of creation could fill the position of Adam’s “helper”, woman could.  Creation wasn’t complete until Eve came along.  It’s like God kept saying “Hmmmm, something’s missing… AHA! That’s it!  Woman!”  Hee hee!  We’re the icing on the creation cake!

In a conversation on this topic, my good friend Kelly commented, “… I’m made of ivory!”  I looked at her questioningly “Ivory?” I said.  “Yup, I’m made from Adam’s bone, polished-white-beautiful-ivory.”  I think Kelly’s got it right!  We are made of ivory.  We may have a few dirty spots on us, some dents and nicks, but under it all, we’re made of polished white beautiful ivory.  And it’s nothing for God to wipe those spots off for us and fill in those dents; all we have to do is ask Him to.  He’s got the best cleaning solution known to man; it fixes everything – Christ’s blood.

Now that we know what we’re made of, let’s look and see why it’s important.  In Mark 10:2-12 Jesus is asked about divorce by:

Some Pharisees [who] came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife.  And He answered and said to them.  “What did Moses command you?”  They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”  But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.  “But from the beginning of creation.  God made them male and female.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again.  And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”

In this New Testament section, where Jesus himself is reminding us all that when God started creation He created them MALE and FEMALE, they were different and yet together made one whole.  I took a closer look at the words translated “and the two shall become one flesh”.  In the original Greek this word is “proskollao” which according to Strongs Exhaustive Concordance means “to be glued to, to cleave, to stick to”.  When God created Adam and Eve He never intended them to separate or divorce one another.  Notice how it states the same thing twice, adding emphasis to the fact that what used to be two separate entities, once married and united with sex, become one entity.

In Genesis 2:21 while God is forming Eve: the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. There is another place in Genesis where God causes someone else to fall into a “deep sleep”, and I KNOW that it’s not a coincidence.  In Genesis 15:9-18 God himself cut a blood covenant with Abram.  The procedure, to us is very peculiar, however as covenants go this one is filled with significance.  God instructed Abram to gather an assortment of animals for sacrifice.  Abram took the larger sacrificial animals and cut them each into half, and arranged the halves on the ground with space between them so that they could walk between them – just as the LORD had instructed.  Some birds of prey came and Abram chased them off, then the sun began to set and a deep sleep fell on Abram.  This is where God spoke to him and told him about the covenant He was making with him and his descendants.  When the sun had set God came down in the form of fire and passed between the pieces of the sacrifice; officially cutting a blood covenant with Abram and his heirs.

Now, tell me, when you cut an animal in half do you think there might be a little blood involved in the process?  Of course there was, hence the name “blood covenant”.  This type of promise was sacred to the people making the covenant.  By walking through the bloody animal halves they were promising that if they didn’t hold up their end of the bargain then they too could be cut in half!  This was a serious promise girls!  Are you ready for where this gets REALLY interesting?  When we get married we are also committing to a blood covenant between God, ourselves and our husbands.  When we cut this covenant God is joining the two souls of the bride and groom and making them one soul.  Covenants are NOT meant to be broken, ever.  They are meant to be protected, like when Abram protected the animal halves from the birds of prey.  There will be birds of prey in your life coming to devour your covenant, which is why you need to be vigilant and protect it.  And if these blood covenants are broken, there are deadly consequences involved.  THIS is why marriage is meant to be FOREVER, not just “till someone better comes along or I’m tired of you”.

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Day 10: Finished

Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear: Forget your people and your father’s house; then the King will desire your beauty.  Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him.  … The King’s daughter is all glorious within; her clothing is interwoven with gold. Psalm 45:10, 11 & 13

I think that it is just in womanly nature to want to be seen as beautiful.  Don’t you think?  Ahhhhh, but to be seen as “all glorious within”, now THAT’S beauty!  A beauty that makes the KING desire us.  You see, Jesus sees us, sinful and broken, and beautiful just the way that we are.

The other day my 3-year old daughter was quiet, a little too quiet if you know what I mean.  When I found her, she was covered from head to toe in marker and was so proud of herself.  As I was cleaning her off I told her “Honey, God made your skin beautiful just the way it is.  It doesn’t need any decoration.”  As soon as the words were out of my mouth it was like God tapped me on the shoulder and put it all into perspective for me.  When God sees me putting on my make-up and nail polish He sees His daughter coloring on herself with “markers”.  I realized that a lot of times we see our bodies as a blank canvas.  But God sees them as a finished masterpiece, a true work of art; worthy of protecting and cherishing, with no need of further ornamentation.

Pascal once said “Man is so made that if he is told often enough that he is a fool he believes it.”4 As women, when we are told a hundred times a day by our commercials, that we’re not young enough: “here THIS makeup will make those wrinkles disappear”.  We’re not skinny enough: “buy this weight loss program and shed those holiday pounds”.  We’re not pretty enough: “buy this hair color – you’re worth it”.  All day long we hear the ways that we’re not enough this or enough that.  After awhile we start to believe it!  Then, when our husband comes home and tells us he’d like to have sex, we don’t feel good about ourselves and IF they’re lucky enough to get lucky, many times it’ll be with the lights off.  We have got to GET OVER IT!  We’ve got to stop listening to the advertisements and start listening to our husbands!  Listen to GOD!  Our real beauty lies in how HE sees us anyway.

For example: One weekend, while camping in Brown County State Park in Indiana I had been continually amazed by the scenic vistas.  All weekend long I desperately wanted to see a spectacular sunset that would color and tint the whole sky above an endless span of tree tops, rolling hills and valleys filled with trees while comfortably seated next to my wonderful husband.  *Romantic sigh*  It would’ve been amazing.  But, alas, the whole weekend I did not get to see that sunset.  However, as we were driving home on Sunday evening the sun began to set, and as it did the sky began to light with bright reds and blues and the clouds turned purple.  It was magnificent!  And although it wasn’t as impressive over the Indy skyline as it would have been over one of those vistas, I WAS sitting next to my wonderful husband watching the sunset after a great weekend together.  And then the beauty of it all hit me.  God still gave me my sunset!  And then I heard His voice, the one I love so much.  “I think YOU, Beloved, are more beautiful than anything you’ve seen this weekend.”  I, of course, started crying.  MORE beautiful than the most beautiful landscape I’ve ever seen?  Me?  “Yes my Beloved, you all are; My precious creations.”  Tears welled up in my eyes and a sob choked in my throat as I stared over my husband’s shoulder into the beautiful purple and blue fading sunset.  “Wow!  More beautiful than that?”  What better words can a very self-conscious woman hear than, “more beautiful than the most beautiful landscape or sunset you’ve ever seen!”  And YOU ARE too!  You are THE most beautiful piece in God’s creation collection.

In 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 Paul writes about his struggles and imperfections, so to speak.  Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me – to keep me from exalting myself!  Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.  And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. Paul sums it up perfectly doesn’t he?  It is through our weaknesses that God’s power is perfected!  Our strengths are our strengths and we very easily get caught giving ourselves credit for them.  But our weakness, now that’s a different story isn’t it!  It is through our weaknesses that God’s power working through us is the MOST evident!  Think about it, God chose a man with a stammer to be His spokesperson to all of Israel during the Exodus!  He chose a regular old girl to be the mother of Jesus Himself!  There was nothing impressive or special about her, she wasn’t even rich or anything!  The only thing it really says about Mary is that she was “Highly favored” by God and willing to be used by Him.  God takes ordinary people and does extraordinary things with them, through their weaknesses and willingness!

God is not all tied up about how perfect we already are, what He cares about the most is our imperfections, and how He can redeem them.  Take an opal for example.  I’ve always enjoyed the way that the rainbow sparkles through them; and I was amazed at what I found when I researched them a bit.  Opals are mainly made from silica, which is round in form.  As an opal is created over hundreds of years the little silica balls line up next to each other.  Since they’re round they can’t line up perfectly which creates gaps or “imperfections” between them.  When the light shines through these imperfections it creates that “fire”, or rainbow sparkle, in the opals like a prism.  The red color in an opal is created by the light reflecting through the largest imperfections in the silica formations. The funny thing is, the more red there is in an opal the more it is worth.  So in other words, the way opals are valued is by their imperfections rather than their perfection.  You see, to God, our value lies in our imperfections because it’s through our imperfection that His light shines through us and glitters like a rainbow!  Those things in our lives that the devil meant for harm, God rejoices over us when we repent of them and then uses them for His good purposes!  God works in you, and in doing so He makes you shine and glitter like the priceless jewel that you are; His most precious family jewel, His work of heart.

Christian’s comments:

Your wife is beautiful! I wouldn’t know personally, but if she wasn’t beautiful to you, I’m guessing you wouldn’t have married her.

Husbands, look at your wife. Go ahead, look away from this screen for a minute and look at her. I look at mine all the time. Look at her “imperfections”. They are what make her unique. Think back to Tamar’s example of the opal; the bigger the “imperfections”, the more valuable the stone. Another example is coins. If a coin is stamped incorrectly, its “imperfection” makes it more valuable.

You guys need to tell your wives that they are beautiful. Let them know that they are the beautiful jewels that they are. Tamar doesn’t wear makeup anymore. I think she is more beautiful without it and make it a point to tell her so every chance I get. You guys need to do the same (not my wife, but yours). Do it when she is at her most vulnerable, when she’s naked. It is when she’s naked, that all of her “imperfections” are on display. That’s when she needs to hear that you think she is “perfect”.

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Day 9: Holy

What agreement has the temple of God with idols?  For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.  Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord.  “And do not touch what is unclean; and I will welcome you.” 2 Corinthians 6:16-17

In the bible the books are divided into 2 sections: The Old Testament, (books written before Christ was born) and the New Testament (books written after Christ was born).  In these 2 sections God’s priorities for His people’s lives shift inward.  The Old Testament is filled with stories of miraculous events, most of which are very large-scale and grand.  Showing us how BIG God is and what He is capable of.  Then Jesus comes along and the miracles of the New Testament are more personal, they are intimate.  The majority of the miracles described in the New Testament are miracles of people set free from bondage of one form or another.  Miracles of debilitating illnesses healed, evil spirits cast out, and sins forgiven.  The life of the afflicted individual changed FOREVER.  God’s involvement in His people’s lives gets much more intimate as you segue from the Old Testament to the New Testament.

This intimate involvement is proved very precisely by what happened to a curtain in the temple on the day Jesus died.  Up until that moment God’s presence filled a room in the temple known as the Holy of Holies.  As a shield to that room there was a curtain.  No one was allowed behind that curtain.  Only after many ceremonies and ritual cleansings was the high priest even allowed behind it and that was only once a year! Since the presence of the LORD God filled that room behind the curtain, for anyone to enter His presence unprepared would have killed them.

According to Mark’s gospel, at the moment of Jesus’ death the curtain that separated God from the rest of the world was torn in two.  God had made a way for EVERYONE to come to Him and NOT die instantly.  Up to that point in history very few people knew what God’s voice actually sounded like.  Only a handful of them had ever talked to Him in person.  When Jesus died He made a way for us enter the Holy of Holies without fear of death.  Because of Jesus and His willing sacrifice we can go to God on a PERSONAL level.  He is no longer this BIG unapproachable God, He is intimate and loving and wonderful and caring.  He always was before but He couldn’t fully show us Himself in such an intimate way.  If someone needed to ask for forgiveness they had to go to the priests in the temple and offer an animal sacrifice.  They performed the rituals required of them and they left.  The priests would accept the sacrifices on behalf of the Lord.  The individual that had sinned would never be able to enter into the Lord’s presence to ask for forgiveness personally.

When you choose to accept Jesus’ sacrifice of love, the gift of salvation, you get to cut out the middle man!  God goes from being an unapproachable God living in a box in a temple to taking up residence in your heart; YOU become the Holy of Holies, your body!  Yes, really!  He lives in you and through you every day.  When you choose to accept Jesus for who He says that He is, you are choosing to live a life that will honor Him.  In essence you are choosing to no longer make the sinful choices that you made in the past and instead strive to make choices that Jesus Himself would make.

Be a good person.  Build your knowledge of who Jesus is.  Exhibit self-control (especially right now since you’re supposed to be fasting from ALL sexual activity).  Persevere, life is hard.  But fear not for Jesus has conquered this life, and so can we, through Him.  Be a godly person, not just a good person.  Brotherly kindness, as a child of God every human alive is a brother or sister, treat them that way.  Be kind to the people around you.  Love.  Love everyone like He loves us, yes it’s hard, but it’s worth it.  We don’t deserve the love that He’s given us, so let’s pass some of that underserved love on to someone else today.  Maybe even your husband.

Christian’s comments:

Your body is the new temple. So husbands, build a nice temple. I’m not talking about the outside. It doesn’t matter what kind of shape you’re in (like the old saying goes, “Round is a shape”), it matters what kind of shape the inside is in. However, you should take care of yourself so your wife can enjoy you longer.

It doesn’t matter how nice a church, temple, or tabernacle is they are just buildings. They could be an old house, an office building, a shed, or even just a tent. What makes them holy places is the presence of the Holy Spirit.  Obviously, He isn’t always going to be a fog or a wind, but He is there.

I’ve been in churches where you can feel the Holy Spirit as a slight tickle on your body. I’ve been in churches where the Holy Spirit makes the hair on your body stand on end. I’ve been in churches where you could feel the Holy Spirit flowing out of the building when you open the door, as if the building can’t contain Him. Your temple (body) should be like my last example. The Holy Spirit should fill you so much that you can’t hold Him in and you just have to share Him with those around you.

Now, with that said, you need to lead by example. You can’t spread the Holy Spirit effectively if you don’t follow the steps Tamar listed above. You must live your life with as little sin as possible. Notice I didn’t say “with no sin.” It is impossible to live a completely sinless life. All we can do is make the choices needed to avoid as much sin as we can. That might mean avoiding web sites that might contain questionable photos. It might also mean not hanging around people who don’t lead a good example, tempting you to not lead by a good example. It might also mean changing your vocabulary if you “swear like a sailor”.

Will it be hard to change some of these things? Yes it will. But you know what, life’s hard, get a helmet.3

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Day 8: Sacrifice

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.  For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.  He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. John 3:16-18

When we love someone it requires personal sacrifice.  Sometimes it’s with a simple compromise: I want Chinese for dinner and Christian wants Mexican so I sacrifice my desire for Chinese because I love him.  At other times though, to prove our love to one another, it takes something a little more drastic.

After 5 ½ years of dating, I started having doubts about my future with Christian.  Since he was the only man I’d ever been with, I was starting to feel like I had missed something.  So one night I asked him to come over to talk, because I was planning on breaking up with him.  After many hours of tears and talking, I was ready to leave him.  I had given him my engagement ring back and everything.  But he wasn’t going to let that happen.  He asked if I was willing to take a walk with him and I said “sure”, despite the fact that you could see our breath as we walked.  When we got to the fountain at the center of campus I asked Christian why he was so disappointed that the fountain was off and he replied, “I was going to run through it to prove my love to you.”  Christian was willing to sacrifice his health and his comfort to prove to me how much he loved me; because love requires sacrifices, sometimes big ones.  The ultimate and perfect love of God for us, required the ultimate and perfect sacrifice of Jesus, for us.

Jesus – though He had done nothing sinful or against the law in His entire life – was betrayed by one of His closest friends, arrested, and secretly whisked off to an immediate trial in the dead of night.  The Sanhedrin found Him guilty and sentenced Him to be flogged, and die by Crucifixion.  Once sentenced, He had one chance to “get out of it” so to speak. At that time, it was the festival of Passover and during the festival it was customary for one prisoner to be released.  They were given their choice between the Savior of their souls and a murderer for a rebellion against Rome.  The Jews chose to release Barabbas the murderer (which is how it had to be for God’s plan of redemption to work).  Jesus heard His friends and neighbors chanting “Crucify him, Crucify him, Crucify him”.

The book of Matthew tells us that Pilate released Barabbas, had Jesus flogged and then handed Him over to be crucified.  Usually when retelling the story of Jesus’ sacrifice we focus on the crucifixion, skipping the fact that He was flogged – or brutally tortured – first.  Flogging is where they whip your torso and your back.  But it’s not just a simple whip like a horse whip, its long leather straps with fish hooks and metal shards woven within them so as to inflict the maximum amount of pain possible without actually killing the person.  Most times after being flogged the skin would be hanging open, the victim’s bones, muscle and internal organs completely exposed.  It is one short sentence in the scriptures, but it was not a short sentence for Jesus.  It was long and painful, and only the beginning.  Next, He endured more pain and humiliation as the soldiers dressed him in a “royal” robe and placed a crown of thorns on his head.  Beating it into His head with a reed while spitting on Him and mocking Him.  Once the soldiers were satisfied with this utter humiliation they took His robe, put His clothes back on Him and led Him out to be crucified.  By custom, crucifixion victims were forced to carry the 75-100 pound cross-member of their own cross for roughly 1/3 of a mile.  In John it says that Jesus carried this Himself, but in the other gospels it says that Simon, a Cyrenian, carried it for Him.  It is very likely that Jesus started out the journey carrying His own cross; however after being awake all night long, beaten, bruised flogged, beaten more and humiliated, He lost His strength quickly and couldn’t carry it any further, requiring the assistance of Simon.  Once He reached Golgotha He was placed on top of His cross where they drove spikes between the bones of His wrists and the heels of His feet.  Not the small wood nails we’re used to seeing in the hardware store but spikes, large metal spikes.  He was lifted into place on the cross, hung at 9 in the morning according to Mark’s gospel.  He was placed between two criminals, equating Him with criminals; something He was not.  As people walked by Him on the road they mocked, “He saved others; He cannot save Himself.  He is the King of Israel; let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe in Him.  HE TRUSTS IN GOD; LET GOD RESCUE Him now, IF HE DELIEGHTS IN HIM; for He said, “I am the Son of God.”  The robbers who had been crucified with Him were also insulting Him with the same words. (Matthew 27:42-44)  But that’s just it.  He COULD have saved Himself!  Just one word and He could have sent 10,000 angels to free Him from this pain and absolute humiliation but He didn’t say a word.  He endured every bit of it.  Just for you and me.  He hung on that cross, blood and life slowly draining from Him, excruciating pain and humiliation, His lungs filling with blood making it more and more difficult to breathe, slowly dying for SIX HOURS.  Luke tells us that for the final 3 hours of His torture it was dark.  Finally at 3 He cried out “It is finished” and died.  That, my sister, is part of the punishment that you and I deserve for our sins, and yet we will never receive that punishment… because Jesus took it all for us.  After watching the Passion of Christ I asked, “Why God, why would you do that for me?  Me?”  He replied, “Because my Beloved, that’s just how much I love you!  I love you so much I would rather die than live without you!”

Sigh…

Christian was willing to be cold and wet and sick for me, which was very romantic.  Christ was willing to be tortured and died for me.  So who loves me more?  There is NO possible way that Christian who is human can love me as much as Christ who was completely human and completely God.  Christ had a choice; He didn’t HAVE to do it.  He didn’t have to suffer the humiliation and the pain, yet He CHOSE to go through that so that we could live with Him forever!  The ultimate love required the ultimate sacrifice to prove that love, and it DID prove it!  When we ask Jesus how much He loves us, He says “This much” and spreads out His arms, reminding us of how He died for us.  He… chose… YOU.  He loves you that much.  He died and endured things that no one, human OR God should ever have to endure, and He did it to prove to you how much He loves you.  Love.  That’s what it’s all about, LOVE.

First, we are to love God with our entire self, more than everything else in our life.  Then, we are to love our neighbors more than ourselves.  This is especially important in marriage because it’s your love for God and your husband that is the greatest testimony to the people around you.  Your husband is your very own personal gift from God himself, show your husband you really love him, even when it’s hard and you really don’t feel like it.  If you claim that you love God, but complain constantly about your husband you are not showing him or the people around you the kind of love that God gives.  No matter what we’re doing or what our attitudes are like, God still loves us deeply and continues to show us all the time.  When we are being our most difficult, He still loves us; because He knows that that’s when we need His love the most.

Christian’s comments:

We have all had to sacrifice things before. But no one has ever sacrificed like Jesus did. He sacrificed His life; AND He did it VOLUNTARILY! Do you know why? Because He loves you that much. If you love your wife, you are going to have to make some sacrifices. You can’t just expect her to make them all.

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