Writing Through the Bible in a Year

Ezekiel 32:9-34:31

“When I have broken their chains of slavery and rescued them then they will know that I am the LORD.” Ezekiel 34:27

Oh LORD,

Help me get rid of this Mommy Guilt! Those kids mean SO MUCH to me. I mean, they are my own flesh and blood after all. And yet I struggle so much between being their mom and being their slave. Now that I’ve been working outside the home I feel like I’ve been ignoring them. Even if I’m not! Lord, I’ve seen it a hundred times from all the mom’s that I’ve worked with as a daycare provider over the years. They allow their guilt of being away from their kids control their decisions and let their kids call the shots because they feel like they owe their children something because they weren’t home with them. And I’ve done the same thing! I let my children take charge over me because I wanted them to feel like I love them. But teaching 101 taught me that the #1 thing children crave is boundaries because the boundaries make them feel safe. Like a fence around a play yard, boundaries keep danger out and the fun in.

Yet here I’ve been all summer so wracked by my own Mommy Guilt that I allowed my children to become my idols. (Along with many other things.) And yet Your hold on me has been strong. Like the Good Father You are – my Father – You’ve told me, “no” on MULTIPLE occasions for multiple reasons – ALL for my good. You have held strong to the boundaries You set up around me and continued to push me down from them when I’ve tried to climb over them. Again and again and again… I’ve continued thinking that the grass was greener over the fence but what I didn’t realize was that while it may have been greener it was Astroturf – not food! Like wax fruit, it is beautiful to the eye, but not nutritional in the least. While it would have filled my belly it wouldn’t have done me any good. Unlike the green pasture of Truth I currently reside in that feeds my soul and keeps me at peace. This is the grass You planted, the pasture You created specifically for ME. Who am I to try and find anything better than a life specifically created for the unique individual You created me to be?

You closed a door in my life, and I’ve spent months staring at it and beating on it begging to go back through it instead of simply turning around and exploring this NEW place You’ve brought me to; a place that is perfectly seasoned for my growth, health and security. YOU did that for me. And all I’ve done is whine that You did it to me. Lord, I’ve been so self-centered and ungrateful. I’m so sorry. I’ve completely lost sight of the Truth that no matter what is happening around me, You are for me and not against me. You – like the GREAT parent that You are – are not willing to allow me to settle for the second-best things that I choose for myself, but rather You help me to hold out for THE best that You hand-picked just for me. 😀

Because You love me.

You love me enough to tell me, “no” when the time’s not right and “YES!” when it’s perfect for my good.

You are my good. Lord, You are the best thing for me! You and nothing else. You Lord, I want more of You in this new place You’ve brought me to. I want to see You around every corner. I want to hear You in every tree and blade of grass. Lord, help me to recognize Your face as it smiles to me in new ways here in this new phase of my life. Lord, thank You for prying my fingers away from those worn out broken shards of the past so that I could fully embrace this new future, bright and clean. Thank You for the gift of the feel of a pen in my grasp and paper under my hand. Thank You for that gratifying pen-scratch that precedes the keys that tap out a symphony of Grace day by day.

Thank You for using the ink on pages to flow and cleanse souls and clear away the mud caked on our eyes from the childish fits we’ve thrown. Thank You for putting up with the rebellious child in all of us and naming us, “Favored in the Sight of the LORD”. I certainly DON’T deserve it. Yet You do it all the same. Jesus didn’t deserve my punishment for this rebellion, and yet He took it all the same; because He loves me.

Thank You for sending Him on my behalf!

Ezekiel 28:25-32:8

“…they will know that I am the LORD their God.” Ezekiel 28:26

“Then Israel will know that I am the Sovereign LORD.” Ezekiel 29:16

“Then they will know that I am the LORD.” Ezekiel 29:21

“…and they will know that I am the LORD.” Ezekiel 30:19

“Then they will know that I am the LORD.” Ezekiel 30:26

Over and over and over throughout Ezekiel this has been the refrain:

“I, the LORD, will do _____ and then they (or you) will know that I am the LORD.”

Notice that it’s NOT:

“When they do _____, they will finally know that I am the LORD.”

Or

“When they say _____, they will know that I am the LORD.”

It’s always God saying “I will”. Apparently, our recognizing Him as LORD hinges on us seeing HIM doing something. And yet so often we’re so apt to think that what’s going on in our lives hinges on something we’re doing.

But we’re not God.

We’re not even a god. We’re human flesh and bone, fashioned in the image of God and chosen to be Children of God – the Bride of Christ, His hands and feet.

We are weak defenseless sheep who can’t fend off predators, find our way out of trouble, nor prepare green pastures to graze in. We need a shepherd, The Good Shepherd, to guide us in the way we should go with His staff. And to protect us from all harm with His rod. And to lead us in path’s of righteousness for His name’s sake.

We need Him to make us lie down in green pastures and to lead us by still waters; still water – because the rapidly moving kind scares us too much to drink from it freely. We need for Him to anoint our heads with oil so that the flies will stay away from our eyes and nose where they like to infest and lay their eggs. Yes, even though we may walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death we can fear no evil because our God has promised never to leave us or forsake us. He is always by our side.

“Yes, I the LORD, the Good Shepherd, will do these things; not because you asked and not even because you needed them (which you do), but simply because I said I would. And it will be through My tender care that you will know that I am the LORD your God.”

Ezekiel 25:12-28:24

OK, for the first time since I can remember I have not read yet today. I woke up this morning hacking and coughing and trying to throw up my lungs (which I happen to be trying again at the moment). I put my sweet little kiddos on the bus for the first time this school year and then whisked myself away to work; where I croaked at the customers to have a good day. (All the coughing caused my voice to cry, “Uncle” run away.) About halfway through my shift it was just myself and another manager. I was running the register and she was in charge of unloading the truck. Things were not going well with the unloading of the truck and several phone calls had been made to our store manager already when a LARGE cart FULL of cases of bottled water was rolled over her foot breaking two of her toes and one of her foot bones. Needless to say, her day ended a little differently than she had planned.

I ended up staying an hour late to cover a little bit of the rest of her shift and then headed home to be there when they got off the bus. Except when I was walking up the path to the house, the door opened! Gabe had beat me home! L I started making our traditional no bake cookies for the first after school snack. With Anna home and homework & cookies finished I scooped them up into the car and we headed off to the CVS minute clinic where I found out I have a sinus infection – awesome.

We came home, ate the Doritos Locos tacos we picked up from Taco Bell on the way home, got the kids ready for bed, and now here I am without having read the Word of the Day, hacking up a lung and SOOOO ready for bed and I still haven’t written anything yet either. So what do I do? Meh, I write about the crazy day that kept me from reading and writing about that reading! J

I said all that to say this; I would REALLY appreciate your prayers for Mikki and myself.

Ezekiel 22:17-25:11

“The time has come, and I won’t hold back. I will not change My mind,” Ezekiel 24:14

Today is the last day of summer vacation so I’m taking the day off of writing. 😉 I’ll see you again tomorrow.

Ezekiel 20:1-22:16

“I gave them over to worthless decrees and regulations that would not lead to life.” Ezekiel 20:25

I almost fell off my chair when I came across this verse today! Except I wasn’t on a chair when I read it, I was already on the floor. To be so bold and obvious in His statement shocked me. And yet, there it is all the same. This entire section of Ezekiel, actually most of Ezekiel so far, has been about the rebellion of Israel. In today’s reading some of the leaders of Israel actually come to Ezekiel seeking a word from the LORD only to have the LORD tell them, “How dare you come to ask Me for a message? As surely as I live, says the Sovereign LORD, I will tell you nothing!”

In the verse above God is pointing out their true sin, they started worshipping the law rather than the law giver. They were so focused on following the law that they lost sight of the LORD who gave them the law to follow in the first place. The purpose of the law was to bring them to a place where they realized that they simply couldn’t live up to its standard.

Yesterday I was invited to speak at Hills Baptist Church in Sheridan. I was so excited about the message that God had given me to speak, mostly because I myself had experienced its liberation first hand. I ended up taking years worth of scripture and prayer and heart wrenching experience and squeezing it into a twenty minute sermon – with slides! I’ve got to be honest, it took a lot of restraint for me not to verbally vomit everything on them at once, there was SO MUCH I wanted to tell them, and so much I COULD have told them. But God helped me and led me in where to go with this particularly precious group and we gave them the most concentrated drop of Grace they could possibly handle in that moment.

I left the script for the message with the Deacon who invited me and told her that it really would be great for a Bible study if they would so choose to use it in that way. I should go back and count, there were SO MANY scripture references in there! I was so blessed in the writing of that message!

Well, wouldn’t you know as God would have it, it lines up perfectly with the message of today’s Word of the Day and the verse we picked out. “I gave them over to worthless decrees and regulations that would not lead to life.” (Ezekiel 20:25) The Israelites were turning to other gods and idols, instead of THE God who needs no idol. So He “gave them over”, He let them have their way and do their own thing with the worthless decrees and regulations that wouldn’t lead to life but rather to death. I can hear you asking, how on earth does the Law lead to death? Because it relies solely on OUR efforts to follow it to the letter. And we simply can’t do that. Which is why God gave us the Law, it leads us to the ultimate conclusion that no matter how hard we try it’s impossible to follow flawlessly for an entire lifetime. Well, with man it’s impossible, but nothing is impossible for GOD.

In 2 Corinthians 3, Paul writes:

“⁴ Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. ⁵ Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, ⁶ who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

⁷ Now if the ministry of death, carved in letters on stone, came with such glory that the Israelites could not gaze at Moses’ face because of its glory, which was being brought to an end, ⁸ will not the ministry of the Spirit have even more glory? ⁹ For if there was glory in the ministry of condemnation, the ministry of righteousness must far exceed it in glory. ¹⁰ Indeed, in this case, what once had glory has come to have no glory at all, because of the glory that surpasses it. ¹¹ For if what was being brought to an end came with glory, much more will what is permanent have glory.

¹² Since we have such a hope, we are very bold, ¹³ not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face so that the Israelites might not gaze at the outcome of what was being brought to an end. ¹⁴ But their minds were hardened. For to this day, when they read the old covenant, that same veil remains unlifted, because only through Christ is it taken away. ¹⁵ Yes, to this day whenever Moses is read a veil lies over their hearts. ¹⁶ But when one^[c] turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. ¹⁷ Now the Lord^[d] is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. ¹⁸ And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord,^[e] are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

You see, it’s not about us. It never has been and it never will be. It’s always been about Jesus. It’s always been about His ability and willingness to FORGIVE and to FORGET our crimes against His crown. Why He is so gracious as to do a thing like that I may never understand this side of heaven. But just because I don’t understand His reasoning in doing so doesn’t mean I can’t still accept that precious gift and cling to it like a child’s beloved stuffed animal.

It’s the Grace of God that allows us to say,

And then to actually DO IT!

You see,

He was and is and will always be the Creator of the Universe, the King of Heaven and Earth and the Commander of all of the hosts of Heaven. He is the holder of the keys to the gates of Hell for heaven’s sake! And in the Bible we find over and over again the TRUTH that He is FOR US! He promises that He will never forsake us in our weaknesses. He is too good for that! He loves us too much to allow us to destroy ourselves. In Ezekiel 20:26, the verse immediately following our verse of the day, He says, “I let them pollute themselves with the very gifts I had given them, and I allowed them to give their firstborn children as offerings to their gods” WHY? “- so that I might devastate them and remind them that I alone am the LORD.”

There are going to be times in our lives when we cry out,

And He answers with something we find unpleasant. But that doesn’t mean that He doesn’t love us. In fact usually it means quite the opposite! He loves us too much to allow us to stay where we are. He plants our feet firmly in fertile soil where we will grow. You know what that means; He puts our feet in poo. Why? In order to help us stretch and grow and become everything He intended us to become. He loves us too much to allow us to dry up and become useless un-moldable clay.

Every time I look at this picture my heart leaps.

For the longest time I thought I was the merchant searching for the pearl of heaven. But read it, “The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant searching for fine pearls.” Jesus is that merchant searching for fine pearls! Guess who the fine pearl is? YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! The verse says that when he found ONE pearl of great value He went and sold all that He had and bought it. Did Jesus not “sell all that He had” in heaven and here on earth just so that He could buy you?

We have been bought with a price and that price was the life of Jesus. Not just the six excruciating hours that He hung on the cross, but with His entire 33 year life! He laid aside the prestige and royalty and splendor of heaven in order to be born in a barn with the other sacrificial animals and everything that they bring with them – including more poo.

You are ONE pearl that is of such worth and great value to Him that He would give all of heaven up in order to buy you back from destruction. No matter what you’re going through today, no matter how stinky your situation, just remember:

Lie down in the arms of your Heavenly Father today and allow Him to remind you just how MUCH you mean to Him.

*Here is a copy of my sermon from yesterday if you’d like to read it verbatim. Letting Go of Perfect.

Ezekiel 12:17-16:34

“The time has come for every prophecy to be fulfilled! … For I am the LORD! If I say it, it will happen. There will be no more delays… I, the Sovereign LORD, have spoken! Then the message came to me from the LORD: ‘Son of man, the people of Israel are saying, ‘He’s talking about the distant future. His visions won’t come true for a long, long time.’ Therefore, tell them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: No more delay! I will now do everything I have threatened. I, the Sovereign LORD, have spoken!” Ezekiel 13:23-28

God is AWESOME, that’s all I can say really. He is awesome. His love for us is awesome. His devotion to us is amazing. His dedication to us is unfailing. God is AWESOME, that’s just all there is to it.

This morning as I was reading today’s Word of the Day I could just feel the presence of the Lord joining me in the room. I could feel Him nudging me as I read and letting me know that although these words were written thousands of years ago, they’re just as appropriate today as they were then, with a little twist of course. These words on that day spelled absolute destruction for the people of God. Today they mean absolute blessing! He is desperate for us, for our attention and devotion. He is a jealous God that desires a steady relationship with us where we give Him more than an hour of our time every week or even every day, but that we would give him every hour of every day. He desires that we would but acknowledge His presence with us throughout the day, in the good times and the bad.

There’s another section in today’s Word of the Day that was particularly exciting. I don’t know about you all, but for years now it has felt as though there was an invisible wall between me and the plans that God has for me (that He’s shown me). And no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get through the wall. Perhaps like me, you’re a little tired of hitting your head against the wall.

Well, today’s reading was encouraging on that front:

“The wall will soon fall down. A heavy rainstorm will undermine it; great hailstones and mighty winds will knock it down.” Ezekiel 13:11

He showed me a vision of a large fish tank with a glass divider in the center of the tank like a wall. When the divider is first put into the tank the fish that have been used to being able to swim the entire length of the tank would swim directly into the wall over and over expecting to be able to get through to the other side. Only they couldn’t. They did this time and time again until they finally gave up and simply stayed on their side of the tank. At this point the divider was removed, but it made no difference because the fish had given up attempting to reach the other side of the tank.

Then He showed me a vision of a baby elephant at the circus with a metal clamp on its ankle connected to a chain that was staked into the ground. Since the elephant was a baby it was physically unable to pull the stake up out of the ground and escape its bonds. No matter how hard the baby elephant tried to walk away from the stake, no matter how hard it pulled and strained against its bonds, it could not free itself from them. As the elephant grew its metal clamp grew with it, but it continued to be held to the ground with that simple wooden stake in the ground. No longer a baby, the elephant now possessed the strength to simply walk away from the stake and pulling it clean out of the ground with hardly any effort at all. However while it now possessed the strength it no longer possessed the will to try any longer, it had long since given up in that fight deeming it hopeless.

He said to me, “these are two examples of My people today, yourself included. You’ve been fighting a battle against the enemy. It’s been long, it’s been HARD and I know you’re tired. There have been walls that you’ve been hitting your head against, glass ceilings perhaps. There have been bonds that you have struggled against long and hard. Some of you have even given up the fight. You’ve decided that the wall is never going to move and there’s no way to get through. You’ve decided that the bonds will never shake loose and there’s no point in trying any more. I’m here to tell you today that that is NOT the case!

DO NOT GIVE UP!

The walls are crumbling from your previous attempts and are now to the point that one strong storm will simply blow them away to powder. The bonds that held you fast when you were younger are no match for you now! You have grown, strong and tall and wise. You are fully capable of simply walking away from those stakes if you but choose to.

DO NOT GIVE UP!

You are SO CLOSE, do not stop trying now! The walls are crumbling, can you hear them? The chains are breaking free, can you feel them dropping off? DO NOT GIVE UP! You have done everything you could to stand thus far and I’m proud of you. KEEP STANDING AGAINST THE ENEMY, HE WILL FALL.

DO NOT GIVE UP!

You can do all things through Jesus who gives you strength. All things are possible for him who believes. For nothing is impossible with God!!! I am here. I am with you, every single step of the way My Beloved. You need only to believe and don’t doubt. I am here. I am with you. I am for you and not against you. You can do this. I promise, we’ll get through this TOGETHER.”

*My friends, I can’t thank you enough for your prayers! I can hardly explain the difference in the way I feel today verses the way that I felt a week ago. It’s like night and day! I would not have been able to receive a word like this a week ago, my heart was way too hard. Today however, I believe whole heartedly that it is 100% TRUTH! Whatever you’ve been fighting, whatever you’ve battle you’ve done everything you could to stand against, continue standing firm against them! They’re even more tired of the battle than you are! Keep fighting the good fight, you’re winning!!!!!

Ezekiel 7:14-12:16

“And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony stubborn heart and give them a tender responsive heart, so they will obey My decrees and regulations.” Ezekiel 11:19

This morning I woke up and for the first time all summer felt like I had actually rested while sleeping. It was WONDERFUL! I picked this for my verse today because it perfectly describes how I feel right now, like I’ve had a spirit/heart transplant! I’m at peace right now and it’s GLORIOUS! I have missed this place that I wandered so far away from where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re in God’s will for you AND you’re happy with it.

It’s been a very long summer for me. It’s been a summer of letting go and letting God take care of things I had been in control of and taking care of myself for a long time. Letting go can be SO HARD TO DO, but it’s also so good. You know how it feels to pick up a gallon of milk right? When you first pick it up it’s not so bad, but the longer you hold it the heavier it feels. You know that the weight isn’t changing, but yet it certainly feels like it is! Your fingers start to go numb, then your elbow starts to ache and then your shoulder starts to burn along with the frostbite in your fingers and all you want to do is to put it down but you can’t seem to find a place to put it! But then there’s the sweet relief of setting it down; your fingers warm back up, your elbow and shoulder cool back off and everything feels so much better than it did while you were holding that jug! THAT’S how I feel today. J

Friends, thank you so much for all your prayers, I KNOW that you have been praying for me and I KNOW that He has heard them. The night when I wrote about not being able to sleep I had been fighting with someone in my head all that afternoon and had decided that I just wasn’t going to go through that conversation any more, it wasn’t worth it. I no more than laid my head down on my pillow and BAM there I was fighting in my head all over again!!!! I caught myself and thought, “Gosh, it was almost as if the argument had been sitting there on my pillow waiting for my head to hit it just so it could get going again!” Then I started praying in tongues and almost immediately I heard the Holy Spirit say firmly, “PUT… THE BEAR… DOWN!”

Now I have to go into a bit of back story here. “The bear” He was referring to is the teddy bear that I have slept with since I was in elementary school.

Yes, I still sleep with stuffed animals. When I don’t my shoulders slouch into each other while I’m sleeping and my chest hurts so much when I wake up that it’s just not worth it. Plus, my husband buys them for me and who am I to not use them right? 😉 Which brings up my second back story point. The second stuffed animal that I have next to my bed is my “Sean the Sheep” stuffed sheep. Sean The Easter Bunny gave him to me a few years ago and I’ve always kind of thought of him as representative of two things, the sheep in my precious flock here on the blog; and that beautiful Sacrificial Lamb who gave His life for me all those years ago on a cross. So in the squishy sentimental part of my mind this stuffed sheep, given to me by my husband, reminds me of you all and my calling. The bear on the other hand, I never really thought of until I was told to “put the bear down”. And in that moment realized that it’s my past self and my family. I had been clinging to my family and not allowing God to take them and do with them what HE wanted to do for them and in them. Earlier that week, on Sunday, He had pointed out to me that I had turned my family into idols. That scared me, because I knew He was right. (Of COURSE He was right, He’s GOD!)

It was time to put the bear down. So I rolled over, put “the bear” down into the fully capable hands of my Father, picked up the sheep and wouldn’t you know it, I felt better immediately. The fight had stopped, the tight feeling in my chest had eased and I knew I was on the path to a better night. Hallelujah for a good night’s sleep!

Ezekiel 2:1-7:13

“The Spirit lifted me up and took me away. I went in bitterness and turmoil, but the LORD’s hold on me was strong.” Ezekiel 3:14

Friends, there are times in our lives when bitterness and turmoil are our only friends. BUT, the LORD’s hold on us is so much stronger than our grasp on Him. While we may falter in our ability to retain our devotion to Him, His love for us endures forever. While we hold on to the ability to fail Him daily, His love for us never lets us go farther than His ability to redeem our failings.

For these last few months I have been filled with a bitterness and turmoil that I can hardly explain. My life as I’ve known it for the last seven years has been turned completely on its head; it feels like everything around me has changed… and I haven’t been happy about it. I LIKED the way things were, I liked being my own boss and taking care of my home and family. I LOVED spending my days researching the Bible and reading books and blogs about it. I don’t do those things like I used to and it’s completely ruffled my feathers. I’ve been bitter about all the change. I’ve been bitter about all the emotional pain I’ve endured over the last four years in doing what I’ve felt God was leading me to do only to feel like I failed miserably in the attempt of it. I’ve been in utter turmoil over working outside the home and leaving my (more grown up than I’d like them to be) children. I’ve been tormented about the state of our home and our finances and our food and our… you name it. I have felt like I’ve had split personalities arguing in my head CONSTANTLY since just before the summer began. Over the last month or so I’ve pretty much lost the ability to sleep soundly at night and instead spend the wee hours of the morning tossing and turning and, like I said, fighting. Then I get up and go to work and pretend that everything is hunky dory in my life as I smile and tell people to, “Have a good day”, as they walk out the door.

I don’t have a single doubt in my mind; it has been God’s will for me to leave my children and go to work at Dollar General. And yet that is precisely what I have been fighting – God’s will. For the last couple of weeks I have been BEGGING Him to take this bitterness and turmoil away from me. They’re not who I am and they’re not fun to live with – which probably hasn’t made ME very fun to live with either. But you’d have to ask my husband and children about that though. And as I read back through those sentences I’m realizing the problem, I’ve been asking Him to take them away rather than giving them to Him willingly. I’ve been clinging to them with all my might, although I can’t imagine why! Well, that ends now!

In Jesus’ name I don’t just release my hold on Bitterness and Turmoil, I cast them out with as much vim and vigor as I can muster! In Jesus name I reject their hold on my soul and my sleep and my sanity! HALLELUJAH!

The LORD’s hold on me is STRONG and I praise Him for that! I praise the LORD that His hold on me is stronger than any other force in this universe (or any other that may or may not exist). My God is THE God; He is the King of all kings and Lord of all lords. He is the Master and the Creator. He is the beginning and the end; the all powerful and the all knowing. He is the lover of my soul and the defender of my dreams. My God is an AWESOME God; He reigns from heaven above with wisdom, power and LOVE!

My God is an awesome God!