“And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony stubborn heart and give them a tender responsive heart, so they will obey My decrees and regulations.” Ezekiel 11:19
This morning I woke up and for the first time all summer felt like I had actually rested while sleeping. It was WONDERFUL! I picked this for my verse today because it perfectly describes how I feel right now, like I’ve had a spirit/heart transplant! I’m at peace right now and it’s GLORIOUS! I have missed this place that I wandered so far away from where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re in God’s will for you AND you’re happy with it.
It’s been a very long summer for me. It’s been a summer of letting go and letting God take care of things I had been in control of and taking care of myself for a long time. Letting go can be SO HARD TO DO, but it’s also so good. You know how it feels to pick up a gallon of milk right? When you first pick it up it’s not so bad, but the longer you hold it the heavier it feels. You know that the weight isn’t changing, but yet it certainly feels like it is! Your fingers start to go numb, then your elbow starts to ache and then your shoulder starts to burn along with the frostbite in your fingers and all you want to do is to put it down but you can’t seem to find a place to put it! But then there’s the sweet relief of setting it down; your fingers warm back up, your elbow and shoulder cool back off and everything feels so much better than it did while you were holding that jug! THAT’S how I feel today. J
Friends, thank you so much for all your prayers, I KNOW that you have been praying for me and I KNOW that He has heard them. The night when I wrote about not being able to sleep I had been fighting with someone in my head all that afternoon and had decided that I just wasn’t going to go through that conversation any more, it wasn’t worth it. I no more than laid my head down on my pillow and BAM there I was fighting in my head all over again!!!! I caught myself and thought, “Gosh, it was almost as if the argument had been sitting there on my pillow waiting for my head to hit it just so it could get going again!” Then I started praying in tongues and almost immediately I heard the Holy Spirit say firmly, “PUT… THE BEAR… DOWN!”
Now I have to go into a bit of back story here. “The bear” He was referring to is the teddy bear that I have slept with since I was in elementary school.
Yes, I still sleep with stuffed animals. When I don’t my shoulders slouch into each other while I’m sleeping and my chest hurts so much when I wake up that it’s just not worth it. Plus, my husband buys them for me and who am I to not use them right? 😉 Which brings up my second back story point. The second stuffed animal that I have next to my bed is my “Sean the Sheep” stuffed sheep. Sean The Easter Bunny gave him to me a few years ago and I’ve always kind of thought of him as representative of two things, the sheep in my precious flock here on the blog; and that beautiful Sacrificial Lamb who gave His life for me all those years ago on a cross. So in the squishy sentimental part of my mind this stuffed sheep, given to me by my husband, reminds me of you all and my calling. The bear on the other hand, I never really thought of until I was told to “put the bear down”. And in that moment realized that it’s my past self and my family. I had been clinging to my family and not allowing God to take them and do with them what HE wanted to do for them and in them. Earlier that week, on Sunday, He had pointed out to me that I had turned my family into idols. That scared me, because I knew He was right. (Of COURSE He was right, He’s GOD!)
It was time to put the bear down. So I rolled over, put “the bear” down into the fully capable hands of my Father, picked up the sheep and wouldn’t you know it, I felt better immediately. The fight had stopped, the tight feeling in my chest had eased and I knew I was on the path to a better night. Hallelujah for a good night’s sleep!