More Mommy Guilt

Ezekiel 32:9-34:31

“When I have broken their chains of slavery and rescued them then they will know that I am the LORD.” Ezekiel 34:27

Oh LORD,

Help me get rid of this Mommy Guilt! Those kids mean SO MUCH to me. I mean, they are my own flesh and blood after all. And yet I struggle so much between being their mom and being their slave. Now that I’ve been working outside the home I feel like I’ve been ignoring them. Even if I’m not! Lord, I’ve seen it a hundred times from all the mom’s that I’ve worked with as a daycare provider over the years. They allow their guilt of being away from their kids control their decisions and let their kids call the shots because they feel like they owe their children something because they weren’t home with them. And I’ve done the same thing! I let my children take charge over me because I wanted them to feel like I love them. But teaching 101 taught me that the #1 thing children crave is boundaries because the boundaries make them feel safe. Like a fence around a play yard, boundaries keep danger out and the fun in.

Yet here I’ve been all summer so wracked by my own Mommy Guilt that I allowed my children to become my idols. (Along with many other things.) And yet Your hold on me has been strong. Like the Good Father You are – my Father – You’ve told me, “no” on MULTIPLE occasions for multiple reasons – ALL for my good. You have held strong to the boundaries You set up around me and continued to push me down from them when I’ve tried to climb over them. Again and again and again… I’ve continued thinking that the grass was greener over the fence but what I didn’t realize was that while it may have been greener it was Astroturf – not food! Like wax fruit, it is beautiful to the eye, but not nutritional in the least. While it would have filled my belly it wouldn’t have done me any good. Unlike the green pasture of Truth I currently reside in that feeds my soul and keeps me at peace. This is the grass You planted, the pasture You created specifically for ME. Who am I to try and find anything better than a life specifically created for the unique individual You created me to be?

You closed a door in my life, and I’ve spent months staring at it and beating on it begging to go back through it instead of simply turning around and exploring this NEW place You’ve brought me to; a place that is perfectly seasoned for my growth, health and security. YOU did that for me. And all I’ve done is whine that You did it to me. Lord, I’ve been so self-centered and ungrateful. I’m so sorry. I’ve completely lost sight of the Truth that no matter what is happening around me, You are for me and not against me. You – like the GREAT parent that You are – are not willing to allow me to settle for the second-best things that I choose for myself, but rather You help me to hold out for THE best that You hand-picked just for me. 😀

Because You love me.

You love me enough to tell me, “no” when the time’s not right and “YES!” when it’s perfect for my good.

You are my good. Lord, You are the best thing for me! You and nothing else. You Lord, I want more of You in this new place You’ve brought me to. I want to see You around every corner. I want to hear You in every tree and blade of grass. Lord, help me to recognize Your face as it smiles to me in new ways here in this new phase of my life. Lord, thank You for prying my fingers away from those worn out broken shards of the past so that I could fully embrace this new future, bright and clean. Thank You for the gift of the feel of a pen in my grasp and paper under my hand. Thank You for that gratifying pen-scratch that precedes the keys that tap out a symphony of Grace day by day.

Thank You for using the ink on pages to flow and cleanse souls and clear away the mud caked on our eyes from the childish fits we’ve thrown. Thank You for putting up with the rebellious child in all of us and naming us, “Favored in the Sight of the LORD”. I certainly DON’T deserve it. Yet You do it all the same. Jesus didn’t deserve my punishment for this rebellion, and yet He took it all the same; because He loves me.

Thank You for sending Him on my behalf!