Ezekiel

Today’s Reading: Ezekiel 17:1-20:13

So I’ve been debating over the last week (almost) if I should tell this story or not, but after what I just saw on TV, I now know that I have to.

For as long as I can remember we’ve never had enough money. When I was a child our family lived out in the country with an orchard and a garden to feed us in the summer and my mom “canned everything that didn’t move”, as my dad would say, so that in the winter-time we would always have fruits and vegetables to eat. I remember walking down the old creaky stairs to that cool and musty basement and my eyes would fall on the rainbow of dusty glass jars filled with produce saved back from the summer before. Later in my life, at the beginning of my middle school years, our family moved from one border of Indiana to the other because my dad had gotten a tremendous promotion at work, one that required a move. After the move it seemed like our family had more money, but the words “we don’t have enough money for that” were still uttered on a frequent basis in our house. I remember my friends in high school telling me that I should tell my mom to buy me Guess jeans because they were better. But by then my mom had taught me the beauty of being thrifty. Why would I spend all my money on ONE pair of jeans that have a specific name on them, when I could spend that same amount of money and get an entire outfit!!! It seemed like a no brainer to me. Then I got married to the man of my dreams, we both married for love not for money. Come this Sunday we will have been married for twelve years (Hallelujah! Thanks be to God alone for that miracle!), none of them with a considerable amount of wealth in the eyes of most people; especially our own.

For as far back as I can remember there has never been “enough” money in the account to do this special activity or buy that particular thing that I wanted. I’ve come to a point, many times, where I have said “I HATE money!” And honestly I often times do. It has seemed like money is what really rules the world. But what I’ve found out recently is that while it doesn’t rule THE world, it has ruled MY world from the very beginning. Money is an idol in my eyes, it has distracted me from those all loving eyes of my savior who provides for me.. and I say thank You Lord… I want MORE though. But I came to a breaking point this last week. You see for the last three years I’ve been writing and receiving visions of a successful ministry and getting excited about the potential that it would bring. The potential steady dependable income it might bring. It started with the vision of grandeur of being a best-selling author; that would provide enough money to live on comfortably right!?! I had to give that dream to God. Then He called me to start using and sharing my photography to make cards for people… HEY! A successful card company, THAT would provide plenty of money for us! But then God gave our family this dream of going to Demolition Derbies to pass out Bibles, of course we’ll make sure to put a donation box on the table and God will make sure that it will fill up. It’s Bibles, people love to support those who pass out free Bibles… right?

So last week an opportunity opened up for us to attend the largest Demolition Derby in the country. I sent out letters and texts asking people for prayers and money to get us there. We had figured out that if we used the Knochel family RV, “Rover”, we could take the food we already had in the house and I could cook so it would require no extra funds for food or lodging. But we only had nine Bibles on hand to pass out, and I was afraid of being stingy with them and wanted more before we left. So the first donation we received, $100, went towards buying more Bibles. This is not a move that I regret at all by the way, this was a total investment in our ministry and our life and it was completely worth it. The second donation we received was another $100, which by our calculations would be enough to pay for the gas to get us there, but not enough to get us back. It was beginning to look like we weren’t going to be able to go after all. Except in our spirits we knew that God DID want us to go. We were set to leave home on Thursday night after my husband got home from work. Thursday at about noon our next door neighbor (who is very sick and could use a lot of prayer) commented on my Facebook status asking where we were going. I told her that we were headed to Pecatonica IL, but things were looking a bit grim and we might not get to go after all. I had just checked our bank account and there was only $140 left in it, we had planned on using our $160 tithe to pay for some of the gas and hadn’t taken it out of the bank yet! I called my husband and asked him if he wanted me to pull out that last hundred to make sure that we had the money we needed for the trip. Me and my strong will were determined to go. Luckily so was my husband. He said to go get it out so I jumped in the car and headed the mile or so to the bank. As I pulled out of the driveway the tears began streaming noiselessly down my face as I prayed. “Lord, I know You will provide. You always have. And I’ve known for months now that at some point You would call us to be somewhere far from here, without the money to get home or anywhere else. I just didn’t think it would be on our FIRST trip out!!! But You know what else I know Lord? I know that someone will get saved this weekend if we go. In my heart I just know it. You taught me the other day through Your word that people are more important than money. And You’ve also taught me that while we can’t take money to heaven with us (there it’s worthless enough to use as paving material for the streets) but we CAN take people with us and people are priceless. So Lord, if I have to spend every penny we ever earn in order to save just that one person I’m willing to do it! I want to do this no matter the cost.” I no more than finished uttering that very vulnerable prayer when my phone rang, it was a friend I rarely get phone calls from. She too is building a budding ministry and the two of us are in the same boat often. Talking to her is always uplifting because although we are many states apart God seems to always be doing the same things in our lives and it’s absolutely fascinating when we share what He is doing. Before I had left the house I had sent out a frantic mass text asking people for prayers for the funds to get there and back. She called instead of sending a text back, and I’m so glad that she did!

I ended up pulling over and sitting in the bank parking lot to talk to her and let her know what was going on. She prayed with me and by the end of the prayer time she and I both KNEW that God wanted my husband and I to go hand out Bibles at this event. I knew deep in my Spirit that God was calling me to take a leap of faith and TRUST HIM to provide for our way home. I pulled the money out of the bank, headed home and as I stepped into the house my phone rang again. This time it was my husband, “did you post something on Facebook about not having enough money to go this weekend?” “Well, sort of. I told our neighbor that things were looking grim. Why?” “Because one of my derby buddies just called me and told me that he read on Facebook that we might not get to go and if we had enough money to get there he would give us $100!” It wasn’t enough to get us ALL the way home, but it would get us close!!! We were still on! What God orders God pays for!!!

Today’s Reading: Ezekiel 14:1-16:63

And their whole body, their rims, and their spokes, their wings, and the wheels were full of eyes all around. Ezekiel 10:12

I have seen the eyes of Jesus my Lord. Eyes filled with such love and adoration I could hardly stand it. You see it all started because I was having a hard day. I was buzzing through our house wildly packing for our first family mission trip for Tamar Ministries to the largest demolition derby in the country to hand out Bibles. I was obsessing over having a banner for the table and what to put on it. I quickly became very discouraged by all the details and was forced to find solace in that place where God and I meet. I knew the chaos was getting the better of me and that I needed a deep cold drink of Living water before I died of thirst.

I retreated to my bedroom and shut out the chaos of the world… and packing where I cracked that most precious of books. I needed scripture, any scripture; I didn’t care as long as it was from His Word I knew it would help. I gulped down Acts 13:36 about David serving his purpose that God had set out for him. And I thought about what that means for us today. How we each have a purpose in this world in God’s grand plan; we’re part of that. Next I slurped down John 12:43 (they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God. NIV) and was blown away with the thought of God praising us for a job well done. How amazing THAT would be! But I was still parched from the battle, I needed more. More water deep from within the well of Love. And God knew it too. Still frustrated and stressed I covered my face with my hands and rubbed my tired eyes. When I opened my eyes they fell on the bucket of ice cold water I’d been searching for. John 15:5 I am the vine and you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Apart from Jesus we can do nothing. I didn’t understand why, at the time, but I had to sip on this phrase for a while. Apart from Jesus we can do nothing. What does that really mean? I had to lay back and really chew on this one, apart from Jesus we can do nothing… apart from Jesus we can do nothing… I lay there, my head on my pillow, pondering, struggling to focus on the word of God and not my turmoil and stress and I prayed for help. I prayed for God to keep me in His grip because mine on Him was slipping rapidly away with every flash of worry. I asked Him to help me worry on His scripture and not my problems. I told Jesus that my physical eyes needed closed and my spirit eyes needed opened. “What is going on Lord? Why am I so troubled over something as simple as a banner for our booth? And then I saw them, His eyes, clear as day and filled to overflowing with love. The scriptures tell us that our eyes are a window to our soul, and it certainly is the truth. I’ve looked into a lot of eyes over the years, where they may be filled with love but always tinted with pain, regret, fear… None of them compared to His. The love displayed in His deep clear eyes was so intense that it is beyond words any mere human could ever compose. The love in His eyes could only be felt with a heart searching for it. And oh how I had been searching for it! I needed to feel His tender love in the worst way. I was hurting from the battle and His love is the only way to recover from it.

I pray I never forget the way those eyes looked, or what He did next. Though His eyes were clear to my spirit eyes, the rest of Him was like a mist in a dream, there but not quite there. He took His thumb and like a mother cleaning the dirt from her Beloved child’s face, He licked His thumb and wiped my right eye. Then He licked His thumb again and wiped my left eye. Apparently I had something on my eyes that was preventing me from being able to see clearly. Our Lord is so sweet!!!

After this rare and intimate encounter (one I will cherish in my heart forever) the Holy Spirit kept going. Next He took me back to the verse I had been meditating on. Apart from Me you can do nothing… and I kept saying “apart” over and over again. What was it about the word that was so special? Apart, apart, apart, a part, a part. . . A PART!!! Suddenly, I saw a pale pink heart like a rock, solid and secure – God’s love for us. Then that pink heart-shaped rock broke at the bottom tip and a little chunk fell off and moved away from the heart. Apart from Me you can do nothing. Then the little chunk moved back over and joined with the heart once again – fused back together and made both whole once more. A part with Me you can do EVERYTHING. Everything!

Apart = nothing

A Part = EVERYTHING!

After that, who cares about a silly old banner right?

Today’s Reading: Ezekiel 10:1-13:23

Oh Lord! How my soul pants for You like a deer pants for the water. You truly are the Living Water. It has been days since I’ve cracked my Bible or put pen to paper yet here I find myself desperate for Your touch, longing to feel the sweet whisper of your breath breeze over the flesh of my heart. Although, true to Your promise, You haven’t moved or left me, I have been distracted. I have been busy. Excitedly preparing for the future I think You have planned for me… and You’ve brought me here to our now lush green back yard (five years in the making) and literally made me lie down in the green pasture You’ve prepared for me. So here I lie, belly down in the tender spring grass with the wind whispering through my hair and the scent of clover tickles my nostrils with the sweet smell of summer nearing. The sound of babe chicks chirping in sleep trickles down from the nested trees above me. My children race through the neighbor’s empty yard in an attempt to achieve flight with their new kite. Life is chaos, all crazy and busy and torn to pieces with errands and money and stress. Yet here, belly down in green its slow, the breeze is calm, the sun hot against my still winter-pale skin. Here in the times when Your Spirit is strong within me beckoning to stop and smell the roses, to live in the moment, here there is no chaos, there is no crazy there is no torn, there is only You and me and sun and breeze.

Lord why do I fight the calm? Why do I resist the peace? Why do I embrace the chaos and feast on laboring? Why do I make things so hard? Why can’t I Just trust You to take care of things… You always do. I love You Papa.

Today’s Reading: Ezekiel 5:1-9:11

Everything here is upside down. Some of my brightest moments of Light have been while sitting (or laying) in the dark. For me, Spiritual Light is often found in physical darkness; dark moments, dark situations, dark memories. Perhaps, because light shines brighter and clearer in the dark. The stars are out in the daytime but we can’t see them at all. I can light a candle during the day but its light won’t dance across my wall the way it would at night in a dark room. God’s truth, His grace, His provision it’s there all around us all the time. But during those times of darkness, they stand out clear and bright like a lamp on a stand lights the entire room. God’s Light shines the brightest and the clearest when placed within a dark situation.

You see it’s all about perspective – ours. As a photographer perspective is critical. A perfect picture can get lost if I stand and look at it from the wrong angle. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen something I wanted to take a picture of and I’ve circled it moving my head like a flamingo ducking and bobbing to find just the right angle with just the right light for that perfect shot. I can take a picture of the exact same flower from different angles and it will look like two completely different pictures.

You see it’s all about how we choose to look at a thing that dictates how we see them. In those uncomfortable moments in life we can choose to stand in one spot take the photo and deem the situation a disaster or a failure. Or we can search for that perfect spot to take the photo from where the OK picture turns into an awesome picture. There are some pictures that are OK on the camera, but once zoomed in and cropped on the computer they become breathtaking. When I crop a photo I am literally cutting off a part of the picture I don’t want you to see. I am choosing what I want this picture to look like.

Life is exactly like that. No matter how much of the situation I try to cut away it doesn’t change the situation at all. But by cutting out and selecting to focus on my favorite parts of my circumstances I am changing my perspective on the circumstance. I can ask “Why would God do this to me!?!” and let my negative perspective fill in the blanks. OR, I can ask “God, why would You do this to me?” And then allow His positive perspective to flood over me. I can allow Him the space in my life to fill in the blanks Himself. I can ask Him to open my eyes to see His well of Living water in this desert experience.

All too often we go through this life with our physical eyes open wide and our spirit eyes shut tight. But the problem with that is that we’re not physical beings we’re spiritual beings in a physical body. Like an alien in a space suit, we don’t belong here we just live here. We’re more than mere humans, we are spirit. We are light living in the valley of darkness, freedom living in chains. We are children of the God of Light. We are the Bride of the God of freedom! So what if we are experiencing hardship in life right now? It’s not who we are and it certainly isn’t where we’re from. We are from freedom, we are from light, we are from Grace and Love and Providence. We are from God.

Our circumstances don’t dictate who we are, God does. Our sinful choices don’t dictate who we are, God does. And God says we’re forgiven so therefore we are. Jesus says “It is finished” so therefore it is. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us that we have been made new, so therefore we are. Satan doesn’t get to tint our circumstance with his negative perspective, at least not without our permission anyway.

When I asked myself this week “why would God want this to happen to me?” The question quickly became “why WOULDN’T God want this to happen to me?” The spiritual AND physical benefits of my “bad” situation so grossly outweighed the negatives it was overwhelming.

So don’t just ask “Why is God doing this to me”. Actually allow Him to answer it from His perspective! Remember that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the LORD (Romans 8:28). That God is love and sometimes love makes you take your vitamins, even when you don’t want to.

What vitamins, or lessons, have you taken through life’s lovely uncomfortable moments?