Hebrews 12:3-13:25 & Hosea 1:1-2:23
Well my friends, I have reached yet another milestone in this journey with you. It was at about this point in writing through the Bible in a year that I called it quits last year. It was August 24th and we were in Isaiah when I submitted the post, “The End”. I had had a dream about a surgery that was necessary in order to save my life. That surgery was to remove posting to the blog, from my life.
When I looked up “The End” to see what point I had received that message to hang up on the blog, I remembered that dream. I remembered the overall feel of the dream and how dark and dismal the atmosphere was in the dream. The hospital walls were yellow, but not the bright cheery kind of yellow the dark and dirty kind of yellow. The lights were yellow, the mood was depressing and the people in the dream were… well, I can’t even describe them.
Last night I had another dream, much like that first one. I was in a classroom that felt more like a cave than a classroom. The color in this dream was dark charcoal gray. The walls of the classroom were gray hewn out stone, curved like an underground cave. The atmosphere of the dream was dark and depressing. The teacher was cruel and taunted me constantly. But I was still desperate to please him, which I find interesting. He even made fun of me for measuring out 50mL of milk every day and for saving every single little bit of food I came in contact with. I refused to throw anything away.
Anyway, I bring all this up because last night before bed I was begging God to come and speak to me in my dreams and tell me what it is that He wants me to do. A job opportunity has presented itself. The income would make a HUGE difference in our finances, but so would the time. I am already feeling stretched past my time/stress limits and the addition of a part time job would force something I’m already holding out of my hands. And of course the blog was the first thing I thought of being wrenched from them.
I’ve given up on you before and it didn’t go well with me. When I picked the blog back up again and God encouraged me to start fresh from the beginning He made it abundantly clear that the blog is not something I am to ever let go of again. It’s too good for me and it’s too good for you. Yet, when things get hectic and life beacons with dollar signs and the potential of upgrading our life, well, setting down the things that don’t make me money looks awfully tempting.
So as I lay me down to sleep last evening, begging God to guide me in the way that I should go, then having this dream that ended with the teacher telling me that “it’s OK to throw away food”. I was beginning to believe that perhaps God really was leading me to let the blog go again. But when I got up to do my reading, I just kept thinking about that other dream and the last time I lay down the blog. The similarities became shocking when I finally pulled up “The End” to look at it again. Then it became apparent to me what God was saying. The dreams are one in the same. However, the message received from them is different because of their timing. The first dream I was to heed, because I needed to experience what would happen if I walked away from the blog. That way, I wouldn’t ever want to do it again. This dream was to beacon me back to that first dream and that first time when I stopped blogging and remind me of all the consequences that ensued from it. It also reminded me of the first week after I picked that measured milk back up again. I pray I never forget that week. I spent it flat on the floor in praise of the God who died for me. That first week back in God’s word daily, reading measured amounts of salvation were absolute bliss.
It was then that I begged God to help me read His word and write about it daily for the REST of my life. I didn’t ever want to put it down again. I had been away for far too long and had paid dearly for it too. I had dried out and become hard like a cheap kitchen sponge that hadn’t been used in a long time. My edges had become sharp; I was in desperate need of the Living Water that flows through my fingers to you.
Unfortunately, things aren’t that different right now. While I have been reading and blogging daily, it’s been out of duty instead of delight. I’ve placed you on the back burner and I apologize for that. You are all so near and dear to my heart that it has pained me to do that. But life happens and honestly we need the money.
This is where I need your help. Please pray for God to bless our finances in the way that only He can so that I may continue to preach His good news to you uninhibited. Time is one of the only things on this planet that we will never ever get back. Every moment I spend on you is more than precious to me! And I pray that the same is true for you as well. I pour my heart out onto this screen day in and day out and I pray that that means something to you personally.
Some of you I have met face to face and some of you are just a picture on the screen. But I know full well, that those pictures represent a living, breathing person who needs the Grace of God just like me. My friend, you are precious to me, because you are priceless to Him.
Tamar Knochel 