The following is an excerpt from our book True Intimacy.
For the next month we will be posting a chapter a day for your reading (and marital) pleasure. However, if you would like to purchase an electronic or printed copy for yourself or someone else we would greatly appreciate your support! To go to the web page for more information click here.
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For nothing will be impossible with God. Luke 1:37
One night before sharing my testimony at church, I had a vision. I was lying in bed and the enemy was sitting on my chest with his hands over my mouth. At first I could only murmur and make sound through my nose, then the longer he sat there, the less noise I could make until finally I could utter no sound whatsoever.
As chilling as this experience was, I was relatively unconcerned with what had just happened to me in my vision, (because I have nothing to fear, GOD is on my side) so I rolled over and went back to sleep. The next morning, before dawn had fully broken, I was on my way to church and praying for insight about my vision. As I prayed, God revealed to me that the enemy would do ANYTHING to keep me from sharing my story with others. As I spoke those words aloud, instantly there was a deer in my headlights! “Nice try!” I told the enemy. Maybe one of these days he’ll discover that “greater is He who is in [me] than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4b (I, of course, didn’t hit the deer.) You see, the enemy really would do anything to keep me from telling my story. Why? Because it is through our faults and mistakes that we relate with each other. Because my story is less a story of what I’VE done and all about what GOD has done. The enemy doesn’t like these stories, because they break the chains of slavery that he has wrapped around us. Those stories, transform lives, and set captives free! So yes, he would do anything to keep me (and you) silent, usually with embarrassment. BUT he has no power over the Children of God, and can NOT keep us silent when it is God’s will for us to speak. So, speak I will, and there is NOTHING the enemy can do about it! He can TRY, but he will not succeed. He will try to keep you silent as well. As your journey to sexual freedom progresses I encourage you to share your story with others. Don’t allow the enemy to keep you embarrassed about this!
In today’s society, most Christians don’t feel comfortable talking about sexual issues; especially in church. Most of us have encountered them at some point in our lives and have come out of the experience with permanent damage. But yet, we don’t TALK about it! Why? Because, that’s the enemy’s goal; to keep us embarrassed and silent! Well, I’m here to tell you that GOD does talk about it! A LOT! And if HE talks about it I think it’s about high time that we did too!
You see, God created us and therefore sex; and He knew what He was doing too! Did you know that the area of the brain that receives religious experiences is the very same area that receives sexual pleasure input.1 You can try all you want to separate God and sex, but in the end, there’s no denying it; sex and God go together. Sex with your husband can actually be a spiritual experience. Believe me, by the end of this challenge you will be praising God for the miracle of your husband’s body with yours! God knew what He was doing. He meant for sex to be a God-glorifying experience. Why do you think that in those moments of pure passion many people say “Oh God!”? We are forced to praise Him in those moments of physical enjoyment. We are, after all, enjoying the fruits of HIS labor of creation.
So. If God and sex go together, and I’m dissatisfied in my marriage and sex life, then doesn’t it make sense to go to the One who created them both and ask Him how to make them both better? Maybe even great! I mean, if you’re having trouble with your dishwasher, you don’t call the telephone company to get it fixed! You call the maker of the product! And so, that’s exactly what I did. I prayed and went to the Bible first. Did you know, there is a whole book in the Bible about relationships and sex!?! A whole book! And yet I had gone most of my life without knowing it was even there, let alone that it held the many secrets I longed to know. However, it wasn’t just the Song of Solomon where I found the keys to unlocking this wonderful mystery of truly intimate sex; it was throughout the entire Bible. God has quite a bit to say about sex and intimacy!
When we love and obey God not a single solitary good thing does He hold back from us. Not one. Right now, He has a whole storehouse full of amazing blessings for you. Good health, AMAZING SEX, love and a deeper connection with God and your husband… the list goes on and on! If you think it’s good and would like to be blessed with it, it’s most likely in there waiting for you. However, before those blessings can rain down on you, you have to remove all the things that are blocking them from getting to you. For years I asked God to change Christian. For Y-E-A-R-S. I was beginning to think God just wasn’t listening to my pleas! I didn’t understand why it seemed like my prayers were simply hitting a brick wall and bouncing back to me. Why wasn’t He making our marriage better? According to Isaiah 59:1-3 God was (and still is) able to save our marriage and He did (and still does) hear our prayers for help. However, since our hands were still covered in the blood of sexual sin – and not Christ’s forgiving blood – then God could not justify fully blessing our marriage with His presence. He desperately wanted to bless us, but like Isaiah 59:2 points out, our sins had built barriers between us and God. I had hindered my own prayers from being answered “Yes”. To remove these “blessing blockades” I had to first have a relationship with Christ. All good relationships take time and communication. Without these two crucial elements I didn’t have a relationship; I had an acquaintance. Jesus was someone I knew of, but not very well. To build my relationship with God I 1) Spent time talking with Him, and not just to Him. I stopped talking when I asked questions and was surprised with what happened. He talked back!!! Not always audibly or immediately, but He spoke to me none the less. 2) Studied the Bible as a student studying for a test. The better I know His word, the better I know Him.
Still not sure if you believe that God can help your marriage and your sex life? Well, whether you know God personally or not, you do know the difference between right and wrong. And when you do something you know is wrong you get a guilty conscience. I believe it is our guilty consciences that hold us back from a multitude of blessings. One of which being the most truly intimate sex you’ve ever known! I believe, with my whole heart, that our pre-marital sexual experiences led to all the strife in our marriage. They started a snowball rolling down a hill that got too big for us to control and it ended up rolling on top of us, nearly crushing us. However, God loves us and pulled us up from under that crushing snow. It is because of Christ that today we are able to stand on the top of that mountain of snow instead of under it. It is because of Jesus and His saving grace that I can sincerely thank God for the blessing of my husband every day, instead of every day begging God to “fix him”.
Christian’s comments:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. God and Sex? Hang on here. I was raised in a Methodist church, and we NEVER talked about sex. In church, out of church, anywhere. I’m sure I would have paid more attention in Sunday school if we had. The only time I even remember hearing the word sex spoken in that church was the day Tamar and I were married.
As we were having our picture taken with the preacher after the ceremony, he said “Think sex!” right before the photographer snapped the picture. If you look at the photo, our eyes are huge! We just couldn’t believe such a sweet, short, little man had said that! In church!
Most Christians would balk at the idea, but we believe what the bible teaches about sex needs to be taught in church, especially to the youth. They need to be taught how dangerous and damaging sex can be if it’s done with someone other than their spouse.
I’m glad Tamar missed the deer, not only because of her safety, but she was driving my truck that morning too. It wouldn’t have stopped us from sharing our message, though. I would have gotten in the car, picked her up and taken her to church that morning. Nothing ticks off the enemy more than when you pick yourself up after he knocks you down, and continue on your way.
As far as sin holding your blessings back, there is a solution. Get on your knees and ask for forgiveness. God wants to forgive you, but you have to ask. Repent of your sins. That means, after asking for forgiveness, don’t just turn around and sin again.
Tamar Knochel 