Thirty-Five

Jeremiah 32:1-34:22

“I am the LORD, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for Me?” Jeremiah 32:26

I think I mentioned it to you all awhile ago, but if I didn’t I’m going to mention it to you today. This Saturday is my birthday! 😀 My thirty-fifth birthday to be exact. And to celebrate (I hope) I’m having a book signing at my FAVORITE book store, Living Truth in Noblesville IN.

Now here’s the part where I’m going to be honest with you. I’m terrified! Historically speaking when I plan an event like this no one generally shows up. And when I say no one, I don’t mean that a few people show up and I consider those that do “no one”. I mean no one as in zip, zero, zilch, nada, no one shows up. So to say that I’m nervous about no one showing up for this book signing would be an understatement. In fact, just thinking about it right now is making me tear up and there’s a lump in my throat.

For the last five years of my life I have spent the majority of my time, treasures and talents on spreading the gospel of Christ through writing. I’ve created and published over twenty works to that end. And yet, although I’ve spent an exuberant amount of time creating them and doing my best to market them, they aren’t selling. And that kills me. I have poured my heart and soul, sweat and tears into the creation of these materials and yet I feel like I’m the only one benefitting from them. Which I am eternally gratefully for don’t get me wrong! But I’m doing this to HELP PEOPLE!!! I want to see these materials SAVE people. I want them to go into the furthest reaches of the world and guide people into an INTIMATE relationship with Jesus that wasn’t a reality before they picked up that book with my name on the cover. I KNOW the power that these books contain because I’ve experienced it FIRST HAND! I’ve lived through them first before anyone else ever set hands on them. I know that they’re effective and carry the word of God because that’s what they’ve done for ME!

Reading Beth Moore’s So Long, Insecurity You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Me changed my life! I mean, it REALLY changed my life! Of all the books I’ve read in my life time, it’s up there pretty near the top of the list. And it’s made me realize that books have the power to do that! MY books have the power to do that… if given the opportunity. And therein is my request to you. There are some of you out there that read regularly here on the blog and are local enough to be able to show up for the book signing. For you to come out and let me know that I’ve made a difference in your life would mean SO MUCH to me. So often I sit here and tap into cyberspace and speak to a crowd with no faces but my own reflecting back to me on the screen. And that’s OK. I know that most of the time, I’m writing to myself more than I’m writing to you anyway. But there’s a part deep down inside of me that is desperate to help people and to make a lasting impact on this world right now. And while God keeps telling me that I am, it’s very hard for me to SEE it. There are numbers on the stats page of my website that don’t lie, but they can be skewed by the slightest things. Behind every number there is a face, a REAL live person… a person I can’t see with my eyes but so desperately want to! On the other side of this screen there is a human heart that *might* be changing all because I took the time to push the “publish” button on the blog. But I can’t see it, or feel it, or experience any of that like a regular person in normal ministry would.

So I say all that to say thins, if you can come out and just say, “Hi” on Saturday it would mean the world to me. If you can’t, will you please pray that those who can will?

My heart’s desire is to be able to write full time. To do that the only real requirement would be for my books to sell in numbers that would support our family financially so that I don’t have to work in an exhausting minimum wage job where I’m away from the home and family members that I love. LOTS of people make a great living writing, so why can’t I? Right now my books aren’t selling. I’m guessing that’s because “no one” knows they’re out there. And those that do, aren’t buying them either. So if you like this blog, please share it with a friend, buy a book to pass on to someone having a rough day, make a difference in my life by letting me know that my life is making a difference.

OK, so I just went to post this and yesterday’s post title was staring me in the face, “Standing FIRM in Security”. OBVIOUSLY my writing is an area of INSECURITY in my life! One where I am most likely measuring my abilities and success through unrealistic measuring devices… And yet isn’t the main goal of an artist, for the work to be appreciated and enjoyed by others? Doesn’t a chef want their meal to be enjoyed and appreciated (and paid for)? Anyway, obviously I could use your prayers right now on this!!!