“Holy to the LORD” Exodus 28:36
This morning I wept as my children and I sped away from each other in opposite directions.
They were on their way to grandma’s house for the weekend with their cousins while I was on my way home to a completely empty house for the first time all summer long. I told Sean, “It feels like all I’ve done all summer is leave them and it’s breaking my heart”. I’m not sure why God has deemed this my summer of leaving, and I haven’t really liked it that much if the truth be told. However, I do trust in His wisdom and guidance and I do feel like this is His plan for us, no matter how hard it has been on all of us.
I have been able to see some good coming from this summer of leaving my children behind; they’ve grown leaps and bounds. They’re much more mature now than just a few months earlier. They’re a great team and while I’m pretty sure they’re sick and tired of being with each other, they’ve also grown together as siblings as well. I’ve also seen their father step up and take over my normal role of cook and chauffeur. He’s made more dinners this summer than I think he’s made in our entire fourteen years of marriage. He’s also been responsible for getting Gabe to tennis on more nights than I care to think of. He’s tucked them into bed in my absence and I am so grateful for the time he’s been allowed to share with them in these days of my absence.
So often as mothers we think we have to do it all. But maybe the reality is that by doing it all, we deprive our husbands and children of the experiences they COULD be having if we weren’t doing everything for them.
In today’s reading there’s a verse that I totally related to this morning, “Put all these in the hands of Aaron and his sons to be lifted up as a special offering to the LORD. Afterward take the various breads from their hands, and burn them on the altar along with the burnt offering. It is a pleasing aroma to the LORD, a special gift for Him.” Exodus 29:24 As I read those words immediately after releasing my children into God’s capable hands for the weekend I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadness remembering the sight in the rear-view mirror of their backs to me in the car heading west as I headed east. It made me think of the classic math problem, if one car driving 55MPH headed east drives for 10 minutes and another car driving 55 MPH headed west drives for an hour and a half how far apart will they be? The measure of one mommy’s aching heart away from her babies! That’s how far! Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited about spending a weekend alone with my husband! But at the exact same time, I will be missing my kids and the life they bring to this party we live in this house day in and day out.
While God has placed these children in my hands to raise and tend until they are grown, there come certain times where bit by bit they are removed from my hands and there is just nothing that I can do about it, nor should i. Children were made to grow up and go off on their independent way, not to cling to their mommy’s skirts their entire lives. And yet, there’s a tiny part of me that wants that. I want that feeling of being needed and loved by the ones upon whom I’ve poured my life out. It just goes so quickly!!!
Tamar Knochel 