Most weekday mornings after I shove the kids out the door and off to school I stand with Skippy our dog at the corner of our street and wave to the departing bus, only to turn and walk with him in the opposite direction in order to get a few streets ahead and meet the bus once again so that the kids can see the dog and I walking. It’s silly, but we all love it. This morning was no different. A block to the west, a block to the south, another block to the west, wave as the bus drives by! J And then the awareness of the peace of a still dark morning falls upon my brain; the birds awakening from their slumber and singing us into a new day. The crisp air of fall surrounds me, beaconing me to walk a bit faster, breathe a bit deeper. I give thanks a bit more as the perfume of the fallen leaves mingles with the fresh evening rain intoxicating my senses. One block, two blocks, three blocks more, the dog pulls at the leash begging me to walk faster, run even, I refuse. He is cold and wants to go home, I want to stay in this moment, feet pounding, heart still. Four blocks, five, we round the bend and walk toward the rising sun dawning on this peace-filled town awakening to another new day. Doors to lit-homes open, wives kissing their husbands goodbye fill the backlit frames like a movie – fascinating. Six blocks, seven, maybe even eight, I’ve lost count at this point, my eyes are drawn to a dimly lit window framed in squares. This is my favorite window, I admit, I often peek into this one. It is the home of our wonder-sitter’s grandparents, strong Christian folks, elderly and sweet like most grandparents are. Most mornings I need squint in order to see properly as I walk briskly by, but not this one. As fall is deepening so are the shadows outside allowing the light inside to penetrate the darkness and creating crisper images within these frames of lives. There in the recliner next to a dim side table lamp sits the grandparent of the one we love, reading, leaning in toward the light ever so slightly, book angled in order to catch every ray of the small lamp. Glasses on and gleaming, radiating the light reflected from the white pages of a well worn book. And while I may not be able to see the title, I know it, because it is the most well-read book of all time. I feel privileged to peer in on something so sacred and private, yet so tender and loving. The eyes of the aged focused on the one thing in this world that brings abundant life and light, Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus! Just this morning I was telling Him how much I yearned to tell others about Him and how wonderful He is, then to pass by and witness someone drinking from the same living well, not because they are thirsty but because they are hungry; hungry for wisdom from the wisdom giver; yearning for a Word to get them through yet another day in the valley of the shadow of death. It’s not about religion to them, they’re not reading because that’s what you’re supposed to do, they have a relationship where they read because they recognize their lover’s handwriting throughout the pages of the book. We read, because we can’t not read. We pray because we can’t help but talk with the One who fills the frames of life with moments like these. It is said, a picture is worth a thousand words, this hasn’t been a thousand words, but it’s a picture none-the-less. A picture of a life spent searching the pages of a book for ancient truths and answers to today’s issues; the issues that fill these frames with sadness and glee. These pages that contain words that bring hope to the hopeless, life to the dead and health to the sick. While I have walked block after block they have turned page after page, read word after word feasting on them with their eyes, drinking them deep down into their heart so that later those same words may spring forth like springs of living water from deep within where they were stored bringing life to the life-less and a home to the homeless.
I keep walking, stopping may be considered stalking after all. I walk one last block, turn one last corner to home, where I open my own door to my own lit-home where I sit before my own backlit window at my desk and begin typing a story, a frame from my life. Maybe someone passing by will peer in and be inspired by me. I hope so. I pray so. But even if not, I’ll do it anyway, because I love Him. And I can’t not write.
My dear friends, so much has happened since I last wrote to you! I have been studying and writing a Bible study on, of all things, stones. J I have heard the call of our Lord, and Love, to “get out there” and start getting my writing into the hands of those that wouldn’t be able to find it any other way than through a face to face encounter with me at a festival or bazaar. This has been difficult for me, I’ll admit. It’s so easy to tap away on a keyboard all day and say anything the Lord tells you, it’s a completely different thing to be standing in a booth, scripture all over the table and have people walk right by on the opposite side of the road, without a second glance, completely uninterested in what you have to say or sell. In fact, it’s quite heartbreaking. But I cling to Hope for them, He loves them desperately and one day they will know that full well. And I pray that I will have done ALL that I could to help them come to that realization.
I have come to grips with the long known fact that God has made me to teach. I’ve known it since I was in Kindergarten and yet somehow I had forgotten it somewhere along the way. I thought perhaps my call into ministry had changed that, I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. Last week God said to me, “Little girl, you’re a teacher, you’ve always known that, now start acting like one!” You know, when I was in Kindergarten, playing “school” during the summer and forcing my little brother to be my student so I could give him homework I never imagined that THIS is what God had in mind for me. Classrooms of a non-descript size, where my blackboard would be a computer screen and my students would be worlds away perhaps even across the ocean. Who knows! The sky is the limit… or is it? Are there limits to what God can do with us when we fully yield to His plan and His will? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find out.
In November I will be starting a once-a-month Sunday school class at our church. I am very excited about this! Although we will be starting out watching videos of other pastors and then discussing them afterwards in whatever time we have left. This is not my goal. Obviously! It is merely our way of building a class of diverse ages and stages in life, a good mix, in the hopes that once the class builds a bit I can begin teaching my own material. We will see where the Holy Spirit takes it, but that IS my desire. My prayer for our church is to draw the parents of the younger children into a much closer relationship with Christ in order for them to be walking, breathing role models for those young impressionable minds before them. The greatest way to raise a child up in the way that they should go, is to show them how it’s done. I learned from my parents, and I pray with every fiber of my being that our children are learning from us. I learned what a good marriage looks and feels like from my parents and, thanks to God and True Intimacy, Sean and I are passing that down to our children too. I want to teach others what God’s love can do for them, their marriages and their families.
I am struggling with what exactly to do with my photography business at the moment, I could totally use some prayers for that!
I’m also struggling with letting go of my Bible study group of friends. I’m just not sure what GOD wants us to do, where HE wants us to go from here. I feel Him leading me to focus my energies on our church and teaching, but at the same time, these gals are my SISTERS. They hold me up. I can’t imagine not meeting with them every week anymore, and yet at the same time I’m wondering if that is what God is calling us to do. I just don’t KNOW and because of that reason I can’t seem to let go. Do you know what I mean?
On a much more personal note, we’ve got a lot of stuff going on that’s not so fun. Financial issues, always. My Dad just had a hip replacement, which was extremely stressful, now over, but still a little in the air – blood clots are possible and pain is lingering. The day after my Dad’s surgery, my grandpa (Mom’s dad) went into the hospital with pneumonia and a small heart attack, he’s 90+! So there’s a *bit* of stress there. I know that my aunt has been dealing with major fatigue and pain, she could use some prayers as well. Sean’s Dad, grandpa and uncle are all headed out to Washington at the moment for a ceremony to honor Grandpa and his service to our country. That’s amazing, but could also use prayers for a safe journey and lots of laughs and good memories along the way.
I will say, God is good and He’s totally holding me together, but I could still use some major prayers for a lot of things on a lot of fronts. So much is going on in life right now! I have to wonder if it will ever slow down… and then I wonder if I would really want it to… I don’t think so, I’d probably get bored. Who knows though, I bet I could get used to it! J