Hey guys!
Long time – no see! : ) And here I am after all this time with a confession to make, I’m a fool. For a very long time I’ve been actively avoiding my writing table, almost as if it would bite me. And honestly, I know why. It’s because the writing process hurts sometimes. I sit here with pen and ink and pour out my soul upon the page only to offer it up to an audience of… well, it’s supposed to be only one, but it never is. I’m supposed to write because it’s who I am and it’s what He made me to do, not because I have an audience of thousands.
A year ago I sat on the edge of my bed weeping and gave a dream to God… I gave my will to God. Every day I had sat, with poised pen and wrote about the Word of God. It was a GREAT GIG! I was constantly surrounded with research and wisdom on love and grace. To say that I was encompassed with “positive vibes” would be an understatement. And yet it came to an end when I got a job in a middle school. I sat on my bed and told God, “If it’s Your will Lord, I will never step on a stage again – bigger than the stage of a teacher in a classroom. And I’m OK with that.”
You see, HE made me a teacher. HE put that in me, and it’s precisely the reason I wrote, why I write. Because a teacher’s gotta teach, teach, teach, teach, teach. And a writer’s gotta write, write, write, write, write. So I, shake it off, shake it off. (smh. I can’t believe I just wrote that. Yup, still a goofball – I know.)
And yet it’s the truth. A teacher just has to teach. If it’s what God has truly created in us, then eventually we have to just give in and do it or we explode!
And leave it to God to squeeze me, through my circumstances, until I explode the ink of my soul upon paper. Just like He created me to do. Looking back through this week, I can see Him poking holes in the wall I had built up against writing that created a dam with a resevoir behind it.
Although I have yet to step “on stage” as a teacher in this last year, I am very pleased with the work that has taken place in the audience and backstage as an instructional assistant. I have put in  100% of my effort like I do in all things. And I have seen a return. A smile – just a simple but pure genuine smile – is a VERY powerful tool. As is a genuine love for people and helping them heal.
I have loved watching troubled students find their way down this path we call life. It’s HARD and heartbreaking and yet there is good in it. Especially when we have purpose. Am I where I want to be? No. Am I where I’m supposed to be? Yes. So am I happy with where I am? Yes. Most of the time anyway. It helps to remember that, like a skyscraper under construction, even though I’m not finished, or “there yet”, I’m still a skyscraper.

We are GOD’S workmanship, created to do good works, which GOD prepared in advance for us to do. Eph 2:10

Your worth isn’t about what you do or don’t do. It’s not about how many books you write or how much you make to stand on a stage and talk for twenty minutes. Your worth, my worth, comes from GOD – and God alone. Go and be His workmanship today. He created you to do good works, go teach, or farm, or work on computers, or write, or cashier for Him TODAY. It’s what you’re made for.

Categories: Ephesians, Insecurity | Leave a comment

Throw Off Your Former Way of Life

Ephesians 2:11-6:24

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the Truth that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.” Ephesians 4:21-24

This verse stuck out to me today. When I read the words “throw off” I immediately had to start searching. I started in the original Greek. “Throw off” is the word “apothithemi” which is a compound word:

*apo: denotes any kind of separation of one thing from another by which the union or fellowship of the two is destroyed.

*tithemi: to lay off or aside, to wear or carry no longer.

I love the beauty of words and the way they work together to create something meaningful to the reader!!! What a fantastic picture that this one simple word creates! It starts with the picture of a complete and total separation from the old sinful nature and former way of life where you had fellowship with lust and union with deception. And yet here is Paul urging us to throw that off and lay it aside as though it were a coat and to wear it no longer. But to rather let the Spirit of the Living God fall afresh on us in order to renew our thoughts and attitudes. In this way the new nature is being put on like a coat and worn in order to better represent the image of God as we go forth and preach the good news with thanksgiving for our salvation.

In Mark 10 we read a perfect illustration of this very thing.

Then they reached Jericho, and as Jesus and His Disciples left town, a large crowd followed Him. A blind beggar named Bartimaeus (son of Timaeus) was sitting beside the road. When Bartimaeus heard that Jesus of Nazareth was nearby, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

“Be quiet!” many of the people yelled at him. But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

When Jesus heard him, He stopped and said, “Tell him to come here.”

So they called the blind man. “Cheer up,” they said. “Come on, He’s calling you!”

Bartimaeus threw aside his coat, jumped up, and came to Jesus.

“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked.

“My rabbi,” the blind man said, “I want to see!”

And Jesus said to him, “Go, for your faith has healed you.” Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus down the road.

(Mark 10:46-52)

This healing of Bartimaeus is a perfect example for all of us. He was blind and wanted to see. He hadn’t SEEN Jesus, but rather had heard of Him and that He was near. And in that unseeing faith he called to the Jesus who heals blind men like him. He called and the people around him shushed him. Right now there is something that you may be blind to, an answer or a blessing that you know is there you just can’t quite see it yet. And in your blindness you’re calling out to the One who has the power to heal you, if only He would hear you. And in your calling there are voices, perhaps small voices that only you can hear. Perhaps louder voices that everyone can hear, who knows. Either way, inevitably there are voices that are telling you to, “give up” to “stop trying, it’s never going to happen”, or to “let it go”. But you’ve got to ignore those voices and keep raising yours above the din of the crowd in order to gain the audience with the King that you seek.

Jeremiah 33:3 says, “Call to Me and I will answer you; and tell you great and unsearchable things which you do not know.”

Jesus heard Bartimaeus and He hears you and I when we call. And what was it that He said to Bartimaeus when He heard him? “Come here”. Is that not the very same thing He tells us when we’re blind and in need of some divine vision and perspective into our situation? “Come. Allow Me to heal your wounds. Come. Allow Me to make you whole. Come. Let Me show you something you’ve never seen before. Come.”

And what was Bartimaeus’ reaction when Jesus said to “come”? He didn’t just come, he threw off his coat and jumped up away from it! Now there are two things you need to know about that coat. 1) The coat they are referring to is most likely a coat of a certain color that would have denoted someone who was crippled and allowed to beg at the gate to the city. So, it’s quite significant that he’s throwing off this coat that signifies that he is a cripple. At this point Jesus hasn’t even healed him yet, He has just called Bartimaeus to Himself. But already Bartimaeus knows that Jesus is going to do for him what He has done for countless others – He’s going to heal him. 2) The word used to describe the action with which Bartimaeus threw his coat was the Greek word “apoballo”. It too is a compound word in the Greek that begins with that same prefix “apo” as before. However, the suffix of the word is a little different. Where Paul tells us to lay aside our old self, or sinful nature, Bartimaeus isn’t just completely separating himself from his old crippled self, he is “ballo”ing his coat.

*ballo: to throw or let go of a thing without caring where it falls

Bartimaeus threw down that coat of shame with such force and vigor because he knew that he was NEVER going to need it ever again. He knew that the moment Jesus paused in His journey for HIM that his life would never be the same.

My dearest friend. You have been crying out to Jesus for something. It’s been a long time in the coming. Like Bartimaeus, you’ve heard about Jesus doing these things for others and you’ve been watching for Him to show up in your city so that maybe, just maybe, He’ll pass by on His way and notice YOU. Beloved, He is HERE with you right now. He has heard your cry and He has stopped right in front of where you are and called you to “Come”. Throw off that coat of your past life and RUN to Jesus. He holds your new coat in His Word. “GO, for your faith has healed you.”

Like a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon after much waiting, it too springs forth a new creation. No longer destined to crawl on the ground and eat leaves it’s new self is formed to fly on the slightest of breezes and feed from the sweet nectar of the heart of a flower. A butterfly holds no lasting love for its prison-like cocoon; it leaves it behind with little more than a flit of its newly formed wings. So too we must leave behind the things of our former self, and everything that that may mean. We’ve got to keep moving forward and press on toward the goal, never allowing anything to hinder us in our progress toward the awaiting arms of our Savior at the finish line; the One who has been waiting for us to come along.

Categories: 365 Life, Ephesians, Season 3 | Leave a comment


Ecclesiastes 8:1-12:14 & Ephesians 1:1-2:10

“God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this, it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done kama so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. ” Ephesians 2:8-10

Mmmmmm…… fresh blueberries!




Then I have to include pictures from last night’s derby!



Hoppy the toad

“Hoppy” the toad.

Adding some last minute touches…
Ready to head out!

Right before the heat, Anna just had to try those cartwheel things those other girls were doing.

It was a quick run for us this week. He made two full track hits right off the bat. One of those hits ended shifting the gas tank forward knocking his fuel pump completely OFF! This caused fuel to begin siphoning out of the tank into the car floor! It took him a couple seconds to notice that there was anything wrong but once he did he unbuckled and jumped into the back seat where the fuel tank was. That’s when I realized something was seriously wrong. Not to mention that while he was unbuckled and in the back seat not paying attention to the arena, one of the cars that he had full tracked earlier was headed his way to full track him back!
Because God is so good and REALLY looks out for us (and I’m sure your prayers don’t hurt either) the officials noticed that something was wrong and stopped that other car in his tracks with a red flag just in time. They called the fire truck over to hose the fuel out of His car and then pushed him off the track.
So while he was the first one out and didn’t win any money or awards for the time that he was out on that track EVERY eye in that arena was on him and the 7×70 message!
It was EXCITING that was for sure!
It could have been SO MUCH WORSE than what it was and we thank God for that!
All in all it was a good night. 😀

Categories: 365 Life, Ecclesiastes, Ephesians, Season 3 | Leave a comment

Busy Mom’s Morning Prayer – Revisited

Ephesians 2:11-6:24

Today is a very big day for the Knochel family, it’s DERBY DAY! For any of you who don’t know, that’s demolition derby or real-life bumper cars. 😉 My husband drives in them and we go and watch and bite our nails. So of course time is an issue for me today. And because I am particularly fond of this previous post AND it fits PERFECTLY with our reading for today, how could I not resubmit it to you? So without further ado, I give you the Busy Mom’s Morning Prayer!

As Christians and as mothers, we are waging war in a supernatural showdown all day every day of our lives. Therefore life requires that we put on the full armor of God every morning. But sometimes, as busy moms, we just don’t have a lot of time to pray through the Bible every morning to cover ourselves. God blessed me with most of this prayer the day after my Walk to Emmaus, and I can tell you from experience that He answers it immediately every time and that it is very powerful.

“Come Holy Spirit, fill me with Your fire so that I may be more like You; help me, I trust You.”

“Come Holy Spirit,” – “Belt of Truth buckled around your waist”(v14) & “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (v17): In John 16:13 Jesus tells us “But when He, the Spirit of Truth, comes and guides you into all truth. He will not speak on His own; He will speak only what He hears, and He will tell you what is yet to come.” So simply by me saying “Come Holy Spirit” I am putting on the belt of truth and I am picking up the Sword of the (Holy) Spirit, which is the word of God. I am calling God to come and be with me today. I am asking Him to come into my situation and live through me. “Come Holy Spirit”, guide me with Your light. “Come Holy Spirit” speak Your words with my tongue today. The word of God is sharper than a two-edged sword, it is THE weapon that we use against the Enemy, and the Bible is filled with them! “Come Holy Spirit” and teach me Your words, Your wisdom, Your grace, Your love. “Come Holy Spirit”.

“fill me with Your fire” – “with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” (v15): When the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples at Pentacost (Acts 2) it came in tongues of fire that danced above their heads (this was before they had light bulbs of course). Have you ever heard the expression “She is really on fire for the LORD”? When we are “on fire” for something we’re excited about it, we’re ready to tell people about it. And honestly, the gospel of peace is exciting! God’s love is exciting. His grace is exciting. And let me tell you, I’ve been praying this part of the prayer for 6 months, the more often you pray it, the more on fire you will get for God and His gospel of peace! I have prayed this prayer for just about everything under the sun. Wisdom, discernment, help, courage, when I sneeze and there’s no one around to say “God bless you”… “Come Holy Spirit and fill me with Your fire”, it’s an invitation to God to fill you and use YOU for His good purposes on this earth! To use YOU to change the world! “Fill me with Your fire!”

“make me more like You” – “with the breastplate of righteousness in place” (v14): Abraham was declared righteous, not because of his deeds but because of his faith. Faith is our belief in action. Jesus’ death on the cross pays for the debt our sins create between us and God. The blood stained cross declares each and every one of us righteous (or pure) in God’s sight. However, we have to believe that it’s true and then live out our lives in that belief, or “walk in faith”, that it is true and that even though we are human and not perfect, we ARE forgiven, which makes us righteous. A breastplate usually has the royal crest emblazoned on it, declaring whose army you belong to; under whose authority you speak. As Christians, we are children of God Almighty the King of kings. We are not only warriors, we are royal warriors with the righteous symbol of God’s authority emblazoned on our chests. And it is with this very authority that we are able to stand up to the Enemy and WIN! We have been given the authority of Christ’s shed blood to tell the attacking Enemy forces “to report to Jesus immediately” and they must obey. So when we pray “fill me with Your fire so that I may be more like You” we are asking God to fill us up with His shed blood, placing that breastplate of righteousness over our chest and with it His authority over the Enemy. His righteousness covering our humanity. Covering the nakedness that we were once ashamed of; no longer.

“help me,” – “Take the helmet of salvation” (v17): In Romans chapter ten, verses nine through ten we read “That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” Now I know that for someone who hasn’t been raised in the church this could be a difficult passage to read and understand so let me break it down a bit for you. 1) “if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord'” – The word “Lord” is a term of respect that voices the acknowledgement that you are giving Jesus power, authority and ownership over you life. You need to speak out loud your decision to let Jesus be the one in charge of your life instead of you. Now there are all kinds of “sinners prayers” out there that you could pray, but according to this scripture it can be as simple as “Jesus is Lord”. 2) “believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead” – So very much of the Bible centers around belief, and honestly, the helmet of salvation centers around it too. The Bible tells us multiple times that Jesus died on the cross, was buried and dead for three days, and then on the third day He rose from the dead and for a period of 40 days appeared to a multitude of people who then gave witness to the fact that He was indeed alive. So the question you have to ask yourself is, “Do I believe this to be true?” I pray that you’ve answered “YES!” 3) “you will be saved” – Yes, it really is as simple as that! Verse ten explains it to us a little more; that when we believe in our heart that Jesus did die for us personally, then we are justified (which means He made it so that it was just-as-if-I’d never sinned). Salvation is simple, there is no real action required on our part aside from belief and a confession of that belief. Romans 10:13 tells us “for, ‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.’” – see, just call on Jesus. No work on the part of man can save him (I believe this includes confession of sins), because Jesus did it all for us to make it as simple as possible so that all who believe will be justified and they will confess with their mouths and be saved! Salvation is the pathway to the Garden of Relationship with Christ and this is where all the healing takes place. The confession of sins and asking for His help with them takes place within the enclosed walls of the Garden of Relationship and is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL to it. (I can not stress this enough!!!!!!!) Honestly, I don’t know that true healing could take place without it. “Help me”, is our daily cry to Jesus. “Help me” to be the person You want me to be. “Help me” to stop doing the things that I did in the past that got me into trouble. “Help me” to be a better mom. “Help me” to live the life I’ve always dreamed of. “Help me” to get through this dark place that I’m living in right now, shine Your magnificent light on me. “Help me”, so small, and yet so VERY VERY profound.

“I trust You.” – “take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (v16): This is one of my favorite truths that I love to share with people. When God revealed the shield of faith to me I’m glad that I was already on the floor because if I hadn’t been I would’ve hit it! Turn with me, if you would, to the Psalm of Protection, Psalm 91 and look at verse 4. “He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge; HIS faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” Now I’ve heard a lot of sermons on these passages of scripture and I have to tell you that NONE of them left me feeling any better about being able to fend off the Enemy… because everything depended on me! Did I know the truth? Was I righteous? Was I ready? Did I know the gospel message well enough? Was I faithful enough? Was I saved? Did I know enough scripture? It’s enough to make a girl want to scream “NO! I DON’T! I CAN’T! I GIVE UP!” But look at it right there in your Bible! It’s not MY faithfulness that shields me from the Enemy! It’s HIS! Praise God Almighty in heaven its HIS faithfulness that protects me! it’s HIS faithfulness that never fails! Mine? HUH! All the time! But not His, His faithfulness is unending. His faithfulness is eternal. His faithfulness is more than enough. His faithfulness doesn’t just shield me from one side only like most shields do. OH NO! His faithfulness is a force field that surrounds us in a bubble of protection that not even laser beams or nuclear weapons can penetrate! Hallelujah Praise the LORD for His love endures forever! Isn’t that just the best news you’ve ever heard? I mean as a mom I am pulled a thousand different directions. My daughter needs this from me, my son wants that from me, my husband needs me to do this for him, my friends need help with something, my ministry needs my attention, our family members… the list goes on and on and on! It is so comforting to know that GOD CAN HANDLE IT! That His faithfulness is ALL we need. That we can say “I trust You” and step into that force field of peace and know that no matter what fiery missiles the enemy tries to launch our way, we’ve got our bubble of peace powered by GOD’S FAITHFULNESS.

“Come Holy Spirit, fill me with Your fire so that I may be more like You; help me, I trust You.”

Categories: 365 Life, Ephesians, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Leave a comment

Little Parsley Plant

Today’s reading: Ephesians 3:1-6:24

I have a parsley plant that my son grew from a seed at school and gave me as a Mother’s Day gift. I lovingly placed it on the little shelf above my kitchen sink so that it could be near the window and then I would see it all the time. Somehow, to this day I do not know how, it managed to fall into the crock pot that was soaking in soapy water in the sink. Not good for a little sprout like this! I took a new pot, every so gently and carefully took the tiny strings of plant out of the water, rinsed them in clean water and placed their tender roots into fresh soil. Now, I’ve gotta tell ya, they look pretty pitiful right now. And honestly, considering everything they’ve been through in the last week, they should! But every time I walk past them I blow on them (to remind them of the outdoors and the Holy Spirit) and I tell them “It’s going to be OK, you’re going to make it.” I know, it sounds a little crazy, but is it any crazier that Jesus does that to us in our time of bedraggled need? We’re special to Him and He cares for us so much more than just a plant, yet He too blows His Spirit breath upon our weary heads and whispers “It’s going to be OK Beloved, you’re going to make it through this. I’m here.”

Fear not the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place – the Most High who is my refuge – no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot. Because he hold fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to Me I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation. Psalm 91:5-16

He is the God of endurance and encouragement!

“It’s going to be OK Beloved, you’re going to make it through this, I’m here.”

Categories: Ephesians | Leave a comment

Testing Testing 1, 2, 3

Today’s reading: Ecclesiastes 10:1-Ephesians 2:22

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there by any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24

Testing, testing, one, two, three…

Everything is tested. An inventor tests His gadgets over and over again before they are declared worthy of being “done”. A student takes hundreds of tests to prove their ability, or lack there of, to move on to the next level of education. This week my son had to take a swimming test. Now, I have to elaborate here a bit, mostly because it’s a story about my son but also because it shows my point quite well.

God has blessed me with an AMAZING group of friends, one of these amazing friends just happens to own a pool and be generous enough to let us all swim in it! Well, this week was the grand opening of Miss Peggy’s pool. So we started by sitting down and listening to Miss Peggy’s pool rules. One of which was that all kids had to take a swimming test to swim in the deep end of the pool without a life jacket on. The test entailed swimming from one short side of the pool and back, that was it. Now, the kids that were at this grand opening party are no newbies when it comes to swimming. They’ve all logged many many hours into their swim books before opening day, BUT, that didn’t change the rule. So I dove into the deep end (read Pursue to see how big of a deal this is), lined up my son and his friend who also wanted to swim minus life jackets and had them swim to the other side and back for their “test”. Now, I knew they would have no problem passing with flying colors, they both knew they could do it, so why did they have to go through the test? To PROVE to themselves that they could do it. (And to honor our gracious hostesses wishes.)

You see, I believe that is what all testing is. God is omnipotent, He know EVERYTHING, He GOD. He doesn’t need to test us to know if we’re ready for the next stage or to be put out onto the battle field yet or not. He’s GOD, He already knows all those things… but we don’t.

Today has been a testing day for me, this whole week has been really. It’s been filled with moments here and there of doubts, questions about where I stand in my faith… or if I would stand at all. Moments where I was faced with a decision, will I choose to believe what God has taught me and shown me… or will I go the way I’ve always gone before? Will I revert to my old way of thinking or will I trust my maker, my inventor, to do the things He’s told me He would do – be the One He’s told me that He is? And every time, it’s been a choice. It’s been a minute where I’ve had the liar and deceiver in my ear harping at me with discouraging and negative thoughts about myself, my friends, my ministry, my husband, my kids, my parents, you name it he’s tried getting me down with it. From things like:

“Kelly is at home all alone right now without a husband, and your husband hasn’t gotten any in a long time, they’ll probably get together tonight while he’s over there fixing her car…” (Sometimes he’s not very good at firing his darts at my heart…)


“Kelly don’t forget about me when you move…” (sometimes he’s right on target.)

At every point I had the choice, do I believe this thought that I just captured running through my mind? Or do I cast it out like yesterday’s trash? I’ll admit, there were a few that I let them burn me a little as those firey darts started to sink deeper into my skin but as far as I can tell I was able to eventually hold up my trusty shield of faith and extinguish them all one by one. But it wasn’t easy. I’m not altogether sure when the testing began, but I know that by Wednesday night I was starting to droop from battle fatigue, Thursday wasn’t too terrible, but Friday and Saturday were just plain… well… a pain! Wednesday I described it as “static” it was becoming difficult for me to function and hear the Holy Spirit clearly. That static seemed to intensify with each passing day until I came to the middle of the day today. I’ve been working hard to prepare for my daughter’s birthday party tomorrow and simply didn’t have time for a spiritual battle in the midst of it all. I’m sure you know how it goes. Yet that’s precisely what was happening. But God is good and helps us in our time of need. He had scheduled for one of our neighbor’s daughter’s birthday party to be Saturday afternoon so that I could have two whole hours all to myself to sort things out. Isn’t He the greatest!?!

There I sat in the middle of my bed, my Bible clutched to my chest praying that the Holy Spirit would come and fill me with His fire, to open my eye because I want to see Him! Begging God to help me through this ring of fire I seemed to be passing through and it dawned on me. This was the same test that I had been through five years ago when my daughter was born! You see, I had Ecclampsia with my son, which is really high blood pressure that resulted in me having two seizures, my kidneys had started to shut down and we had to do an emergency c-section where I felt like I was going to have a third seizure right there on the operating table. In other words, it was really bad and the likelyhood of it happening with subsequent pregnancies was very likely. So when I found out that I was pregnant again, after trying for what felt like an eternity, I was thrilled and terrified all at the same time. I sat down in the middle of my bed and prayed. I told God, You gave me this baby so I know that this is Your plan. I am choosing to trust You with my life Lord. If I die, I know where I’m going and I’m trusting you to take care of my husband and my son in my absence. If I have another seizure and tramatic pregnancy, I’m trusting You that it is Your plan. Whatever happens with this baby and me, we are in Your hands because I’m trusting You. And I will never forget the feeling of peace that washed over me after I prayed. No Holy Spirit words were spoken that I remember, but I just had this all over knowing that it wasn’t going to happen again. That I wouldn’t have a seizure again and that I wouldn’t die. I could proceed in this pregnancy knowing that it would end well.

Well, I spent six weeks on bedrest due to early high blood pressure and protein levels. The last week of that was in the hospital under the close watch of my doctor monitoring everything. By ALL outward appearances it certainly looked like we were headed right down that same path that ended in seizures and possible death, but the entire ride down that dark road I clung to the peace, that moment of Light when God had washed over me with the confidence that it “wouldn’t happen again”. Yet here we were and it was certainly looking like it was happening all over again. My Mom and husband were both a wreck. They were trying to hide it from me, but neither one of them was doing a very good job. I kept trying to tell them that it would be OK, and that God had told me that I wouldn’t have another seizure, but since I was the only one that had had that Light washing experience it was really hard… well… probably impossible for them to really understand what I meant. I had the peace that passes all understanding, they didn’t. At least not as much of it as I did. Then the day came when all the tested levels came back at just the right amounts to cause our doctor to breeze into the room and say “It’s time! Let’s have a baby!” Then whisk me off to the operating room to have another c-section. Within an hour from the announcement our little Princess was born, healthy and strong, and so was her mother! No worse for the wear, just tired and very glad that the whole ordeal was OVER!

I had spent nine months fighting the voice of the Liar trying to tempt me into giving up the belief that God would protect me and that He would hold true on His promise to keep me alive. I had a week where every single outward appearance pointed to the same end as the first time… but I didn’t give up and I didn’t end up in that same place either! God held up His end of the bargain, He ALWAYS does! God is faithful one-hundred percent of the time. In that moment on the middle of my bed He didn’t tell me nothing would happen, He gave me a peace that I would not have another seizure or die and I didn’t!

My friend, tests aren’t for God to discover what we’re made of and what we believe, He already knows those things. Tests are for US to discover what we’re made of and what we believe. An untested belief is just that, untested. Just like an untested invention is an unknown, a question as to whether or not it will hold up under the pressure it was built to withstand, so are we! Until we’ve walked through the ring of fire we really don’t know what we’re capable of accomplishing or what we REALLY believe. And, if we know what we believe, we may not know if it will stand up under the pressure of a dramatic circumstance.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

She considered God faithful to fulfill His promise to her… and He was.

Tests are an opportunity where we choose to believe in God or believe in our circumstances. Choosing to believe in God is NEVER the wrong choice! Even when it seems like He’s telling you to sacrifice your only hope at achieving the promise He made, there’s always a ram in the bush just waiting to be discovered. (Genesis 22)

Categories: Ecclesiastes, Ephesians | Leave a comment

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