1 Kings

Beauty

1 Kings 3:16 – 6:38

Word of the Day: “And the king said, ‘Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other.’ Then the woman whose son was alive said to the king, because her heart yearned for her son, ‘Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means put him to death.’ But the other said, ‘He shall be neither mine nor yours; divide him.’ Then the king answered and said, ‘Give the living child to the first woman, and by no means put him to death; she is the mother.'” 1 Kings 3:25-27

The day was dreary and dismal as the rain pelted the roof reminding me that I had to go out. I had to go to the bank, and the water office and the post office, in this… blech! Little did I know what beauty awaited me, in this, the dreary and dismal. I pulled up the collar on my coat, took a deep breath and plunged into the cold wet day; freezing rain is no fun. What happened to the sun? It feels like years since we’ve seen it and played in its warm rays. Summer, are you ever coming back?

I get into the car to see the windshield covered in ice and breathe a prayer, “Lord, please don’t make me go out in that rain any more than I have to. Please let this ice come off with the wipers. Please.” One, two, three, click, YES! “THANK YOU JESUS!” The engine purrs as it pulls out of the muddy driveway and into the slush-filled street, here we go… blech! The song on the radio calls my attention, wasn’t this the song that I had stuck in my head all morning? Interesting Lord. They sing to me, “I know you’re out there, and I know you care, just like an angel watching over me…” and I wonder, really? Sometimes it’s hard to feel like God cares about me when it feels like everything around me is going wrong. Hmmm… maybe the weather just has me in a bad mood, I know God cares…right?

As I pull into the bank parking lot I thank God for the closest parking spot being open, “Thank You Jesus!” Running on my tiptoes so that the back hems of my pants don’t get too wet I yank on the door and sigh, we’re here…again. I was just here yesterday, for the exact same errand, a cashier’s check for the mortgage… But I forgot all the paperwork and didn’t have any amounts, sooooo because it was ten minutes to closing time I had to leave empty handed and come back in this…blech. I walked up to the same teller as yesterday and smiled, “Let’s try this again shall we?” She grinned in recognition. While I was waiting for her to fill out all the appropriate paperwork I got started filling out my check for the water office and putting our return address on the envelope for the post office, might as well make the most of my time while I’m waiting, right? All finished I bid the teller, “Have a good day, and stay dry!” as I breathed deeply in preparation of the blast of cold air that was bound to greet me when I opened the door. It did, it was even stronger than when I had gone in. Leaning my hat into the wind I slid myself back into the driver’s seat of my car, grateful for the break in the wind allowing me to breathe again.

And then it happened, as I rounded the side of the building on my way out of the parking lot I saw it. My shoulders drooped as my photographer’s heart quickened. A frozen fence with fingers of ice dripping down… how much was this picture, this child of my heart, worth to me? My thoughts raced in disagreement, “I have two more places to go before home, I’ll get soaked, AND it’s freezing out there!” But my photographer’s heart would not be denied that perfect “babe” of a picture. So while my skin and brain were ranting, my hands shifted the car into reverse to pull into the nearest parking spot.

Five minutes and completely frozen fingers later, I re-entered the warmth of my dry car, sopping wet coat sticking to the back of the seat. I had it, that one great shot that takes several bad shots to get to; I had it! But what’s more, I had something else. To put a name on it, is difficult. Maybe the more I write the better I can explain it, but I didn’t get into that car with only a great picture, I had something else in tow too. Salvation.

Photography is a therapy for me, there’s something healing in the capturing of beauty in unexpected places. When I left my warm cozy spot on the couch (curled up in a blanket with the dog and my Bible) and ventured out into this dreary mess of a day, I wasn’t expecting to be greeted with beauty. I was going to the bank, and to pay bills! Yet Beauty found me all the same, and she called to me from a frozen fence in the rain. Was I willing to sacrifice the dry safety of my warm car to capture her? Was I willing to put my comfort on the line to take her home with me and share her with all of you? Honestly, not at first! But those desires that God plants in our hearts, they can’t be denied. They can’t be rebuffed forever. What God plants, God tends. Like the good shepherd that He is, He cares for His sheep…even when it doesn’t seem like He is. I know He’s out there, and I know that He cares. He is watching over me, and He’s watching over you.

The delight of taking that one good picture put a smile on my face that lasted all the way through the rest of my rainy day errands and on to home; where I came straight to my computer to look at it again, and it took my breath away.

There really is Beauty in the blech.

 

Categories: 1 Kings, 365 Life, Waiting, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Peace

1 Kings 1:28 – 3:15

Word of the Day:

“Act therefore according to your wisdom,” 1 Kings 2:6

You know, that’s really all we can do isn’t it? Act according to the wisdom we currently possess. Yes, we are to seek the Lord’s guidance and wisdom, but after we do that the actions that take place are according to the wisdom we’ve acquired through the years; be it from God, or elsewhere.

I have to admit to being very spiritually raw right now. A few weeks ago I was praying the Morning Prayer, got to the end and told God to cut me open, lay me flat, scoop me out and then fill me with Him. I pictured myself looking something akin to a butchered chicken all pink and flat… it was gross. And I was an emotional train wreck for the rest of the day. And while I’m sure that’s not a bad thing, it hasn’t been easy either.

I have learned from a friend of mine that I am a “stuffer”, a term she learned from the book “Unglued“. It means that when something happens in my life I stuff it way down inside me and I don’t deal with it… apparently. I thought I WAS dealing with it by pushing it out of my mind, I guess not. Well, when I asked God to open me up and scoop me out, He really took me at my word! That afternoon I went to meet with my pastor for the first time ever and MAN does that guy have a talent for pulling things out of you! He had me talking about things and connecting dots that I never would have connected on my own!

And I’m telling you, ever since that day stuff just keeps oozing out of me. It bubbles up with such suddenness that it startles me at times even. It’s really made me realize how human I am; fragile and tender hearted, and in desperate need of a Savior!

In my own wisdom I acted according to what I thought was best. According to new wisdom I have gained, not so “best”. You know the saying, hindsight is always 20 – 20.

I feel like I’m sinking in this tidal wave of once suppressed emotion. I need something to cling to, some truth to stand on like a rock in sinking sand. I need Jesus and His wisdom. I need Him to come and fill me with His amazing Grace. I need His perfect love to cast out all my fears because they are causing me much torment!

I’m so weary of fighting the Enemy for ground that is already mine in Christ Jesus. I want peace in this land of my heart. David fought battles for so many years, but at some point he stopped. At some point David rested from war because there were no more wars to be had. How long Lord? How long do I have to fight before I can have peace in my soul and keep it there? The kind of peace that comes from You and You alone. At what point do I trust You more than what my eyes see and my ears hear? Papa, I want that kind of faith! A faith that trusts You and is unshakable in that trust. Can I have that? Is that attainable this side of heaven in the land of the living? I’m not so sure that it is… at least not without plenty of hardship leading up to it. And honestly, I don’t really want any more of that!

Why does this have to be so hard? Sure you say it’s worth it but how can we know for certain? Lord, I feel like I’m slipping, and I don’t want to! Please hold fast to my hand. I’m scared. Part of me desperately wants to get off of this crazy ride (not life, mind You, just the chaos) but the rest of me knows that I can’t. I have way too many things to do! I am a mom after all, our days never end; they just keep going and going and going and going. I want a break yet can’t see one anywhere near. Mostly I want a break from this torment of “stuff” that’s been stuffed and the constant questioning. I’m tired of all the questions and I’m ready for some answers!

I’ve heard that You’ve told people that 2013 is the year of answered prayers. And I know we’re barely two months in, but where are the answers? The couple we’ve prayed for for years to conceive; conceives to find out their twins are dead! What kind of an answer is that? And what about baby Chloe? Born perfect on the outside but a mess on the inside, requiring surgery and she’s not even an entire month old! What kind of answer is that!?! I’ve written enough about Your goodness to know what I think You’re doing, and how all things work together for our good… but right now it sure doesn’t feel so good and in my finite wisdom I’m going to tell you that I don’t like it one bit! How’s that for not “stuffing it” anymore? Are you feeling the rage of this tiny little ant of a girl yet? I want MIRACLES!!! I’ve been praying and believing You for them for years now.

Lord, I need for You to give me something, something to hold on to. Some proof that You will do this for them. That You’ll hold up Your end of the bargain. That we will see Your goodness in the land of the living.

 

 

[Keep in mind; these posts are at least a month and a half old…. ;)]

Categories: 1 Kings, 365 Life, Waiting, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Castle

Judges 20:19-21:25 & 1 Kings 1:1-1:27

Word of the Day: “The men of Israel gave ground to Benjamin because they trusted the men in ambush whom they had set against Gibeah.” Judges 20:36

Lord,

I feel like such a lost little puppy right now, just wandering around searching for its mother. I feel strange today, like something inside has changed, though I don’t quite understand what yet.

… There’s no resistance….

I feel no battle raging within me, no conflict surrounding me fighting for supremacy, there is only peace.

Is inner peace so foreign to me that when it occurs I’m afraid that something is wrong???

YIKES!

Funny, just this morning I command Insecurity to leave me forever and then walk out of the room, into another and begin to wonder what on earth is going on around me and in me that is so different. LOL! Sometimes I wonder about myself Lord, the attention span of a goldfish: “Hey look there’s a castle!” swim around in a circle, “Hey look, there’s a castle!” Sigh…

Thank You Jesus that You specialize in the lost and broken because I am such a perfect candidate for You!!! “Hey look, there’s a castle!” While I stress over not getting all my writing done for the last few days and how I’m going to do double duty, You’re just waiting here for me to remember, “there’s a castle”, a stronghold inside me and His name is Jesus, Son of God, Son of Man, a marvelous Light that transcends all understanding and all time. Jesus YOU are my castle, my stronghold when I am weak. You are my fortress of strength when I can no longer stand. You are my provision when there isn’t enough. You are my Grace when I am frustrated and weary. You are mine.

You are mine.

You are mine.

And in the most glorious of ways; You are my husband, my partner, my Beloved Savior, my Heavenly Father, my FRIEND.

You are mine.

You are mine when times are tough and “tumbly”, You are mine when times are fun and giddy, You are mine when I can’t go on and You are mine when I can’t stop.

You are mine.

You are my GOD.

You are MY God.

YOU are my God.

Oh, Jesus, thank You for never leaving me or forsaking me in my weaknesses or in my strengths.

You are everything to me, but even more importantly than that, I am everything to You. Because I’m Yours and You are mine.

Father I want to learn more about Your amazing love for me, because love conquers all.

Categories: 1 Kings, 365 Life, Judges, Waiting, Writing Through the Bible in a Year | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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