“‘What to Me is the multitude of your sacrifices?’ says the LORD; I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of well-fed beasts; I do not delight in the blood of bulls, or of lambs, or of goats.” Isaiah 1:11
Almost a week ago I sat here at my desk, typing away when I suddenly had to stop and pray. I don’t remember exactly what it was I prayed, I only remember that during that prayer I ended up saying over and over and over again, “There is no sacrifice left”. God was really trying to drive a point home to ME that day.
There is no sacrifice left.
There’s nothing I can do, there’s nothing I can say, there’s nothing that I can give up or take on that will ever pay back my debt of gratitude to Jesus for what He has done on my behalf.
Yet I still try.
Confession time! I have been running myself ragged trying to do anything and everything I can to show Jesus how much I love Him. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to be everything He’s made me to be and say everything He’s made me to say and do everything He’s made me to do, but I can’t. I’ve ended up filling my days to absolutely overflowing with *things* that appear great on the surface, but might not be the best things for me deep down. If anyone asks me to help out with this or with that, I’m more than happy to volunteer; anything so that I can feel useful.
Oh my goodness! I just wrote that out and a lightning bolt of memory just exploded in my head! I have SO been in this place before!!! Sigh…. Do you remember that? When I wrote about how the things that we do don’t define our usefulness! BAM! Reality just hit HARD!
Will I ever escape from this cycle of needing to feel needed and useful? My value doesn’t come from my productivity! It comes from who I am!
Lord Jesus, please rescue me from myself! I am stuck in this place of constantly needing to feel like I’m accomplishing Your will; like I’m DOING something. Help me to realize that I’M not doing anything, YOU ARE! Sure You’re using me, but that doesn’t mean I’M the one doing it! I know better than that, so why have I gotten stuck in this rut of thinking that I “have” to do this, or I “have” to do that? The only thing I “have” to do, is trust You to take care of me. The only thing I “have” to do, is BELIEVE and then CONFESS that faith through my words and actions. No more, no less.
Lord, I’m sorry that I have lost sight of how You direct my steps, even when I’m not paying attention. Just remembering where this very computer came from is proof enough that You are active in the lives of Your believers, even without them knowing. Using someone who doesn’t follow you that closely to provide the very vehicle that has brought me thus far, well, that’s just poetic in my opinion. J
If you can guide them to do the right thing, then how much MORE can You guide someone who is actually seeking Your will and guidance! Lord, thank You for reminding me that I don’t have to have it all together for You to use me in mighty ways. In fact, it seems like the less I have it all together the more mightily You use me. It’s like the bigger mess I am, the better and more useful I become.
Lord I thank You for using me in spite of me!!! Only You could take this mess of a girl and turn her into the masterpiece I am. Now, if only I could believe and remember that a little more consistently!!!!!
Oh I love You LORD!!!!