“Then Ornan said to David, ‘Take it, and let my lord the king do what seems good to him. See, I give the oxen for burnt offerings and the threshing sledges for the wood and the wheat for a grain offering; I give it all.’ But King David said to Ornan, ‘No, but I will buy them for the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, nor offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing.'” 1 Chronicles 21:23-24
Lord, I am so bewildered, befuddled, a little angry and just downright confused! You promised me this child of blessing, I believed you. And then I waited; nothing, no child. So I waited longer; nothing, no child. Sarah said take Haggar. So I did, that was a mistake. Then You came with Your two friends and spoke hope into Sarah’s womb, she laughed, we conceived, the child finally came! We’ve held this child of promise. We adored his laughter, his smile, and his childish tumblings. I love him more than my heart can admit. And now you’re telling me that I must sacrifice him?
Lord, I don’t understand. It just doesn’t make sense. You’ve asked me to kill the source of my tremendous joy. To give all that I have been promised. You gave me more than I could’ve ever hoped or imagined and now you’re asking for it all back? Why? What could you possibly need him for more than I do? He’s my son. He’s my legacy. He’s my great reward.
Abraham, I AM your great reward. I AM your legacy. I AM your Father and I know what is best. Trust Me. I love you.
Lord, I may not understand Your reasoning. I may not understand all the “whys”. But I do understand Your love. And I will take hope in Your love for me. Please allow me to take shelter under Your wings and allow me refuge from this storm of emotions tearing through my heart as I do my best to carry out this difficult task. You never said this job would be easy, just that it would all be worth it in the end.
I understand they’re called sacrifices for a reason and I will obey and choose to trust You with the end results. No matter how hard or how painful I choose to follow Your direction because at least then I have the reassurance that the pain has a purpose and a possible reward at the end. I choose not to “offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing.” (1 Chronicles 21:24)
Tamar Knochel 